The Long Road
by Kirsah
Summary: My version of the ME story. Begins pre-ME and is Shenko from the start. Veronika "Nick" Shepard is a spacer/ War Hero and Sole Survivor/soldier. Strays slightly from canon. I am not quite happy with it yet, so I would appreciate feedback.
1. A New Assignment

Chapter 1. New Assignment

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko had just finished packing his duffle bag when the comm whizzed. "Lt. Alenko, Captain's Office." Huh? Why would the Captain want to see him now? He was off duty and ready to head out for two blessed weeks of shore leave as soon as they hit Arcturus Station. He sighed, straightened his shoulders and marched towards his CO's office.

"Sir?" he asked as he stepped through the door. Captain Reynard pointed to a chair in front of him. "Have a seat, Alenko." His CO paused shortly," I'm afraid your shore leave has been cancelled, Lieutenant." "Sir?" Kaidan asked again, racking his brain to figure out what he could have done wrong to have his shore leave cancelled. Hell, he couldn't think of a single thing. "This is no punishment, son." The Captain handed him a data pad, "It's a reassignment. Not exactly what I had in mind when I put your name forward for a promotion together with a commendation. Apparently the Brass thinks you're not quite ready yet."

Kaidan glanced at the data pad. He was to report for duty at 0800 aboard the SSV Normandy the next day. SSV Normandy? Wait, like in newest Alliance frigate, co-designed with Turian engineers? It had been all over the news. A deep-scout frigate built as a joint venture between Alliance and Turian Hierarchy. He remembered an interview he had seen with a Turian general. _The crew for the SSV Normandy will be handpicked. Only the very best will even be considered for duty aboard this extraordinary vessel._ He looked at his CO with an incredulous look on his face, then his eyes darted back to the data pad and went wide when he read the name of his new CO. Captain David Anderson, N7, Alliance Hero. That was all the info the data pad gave him. Then he realized his current CO was talking to him.

"I have to admit, I'm sorry to let you go, Alenko. You're one of the best techs I know apart from fully trained engineers, highly qualified as a field medic - much higher than the average field medic - and, hell, those biotics of yours are pretty useful as well. All in all, a pride for all sentinels. You were supposed to take Lieutenant Commander Fuller's place as XO sooner or later. That was my plan, anyway. But when an N7 requests someone by name, well..." Captain Reynard's voice traveled off. "Lieutenant, is something wrong?"

"Uh, sir, this doesn't mention which position Captain Anderson requested me for or any other mission details." Kaidan couldn't quite subdue the quizzical expression fleeting over his face.

"N7, son. Information on a strictly need-to-know basis. But I know Anderson and I would bet a large amount of credits that he will be waiting at the docks to debrief you. We will be docking in an hour. Now I suggest you pack your remaining things and say good-bye to your friends. Do me proud, Lieutenant." there was an understanding look on his CO's face.

Kaidan stood up and saluted smartly: "Yes, sir!" Then he reached for the hand his CO was offering. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, Lieutenant. Whatever Anderson has in mind, I am sure you're more than up to it."

* * *

><p>Roughly three hours later he found himself unlocking his little apartment at the Tech barracks of the Alliance base on Arcturus Station. Captain Anderson had indeed been waiting to debrief him. Kaidan couldn't believe it. Anderson as CO and Lieutenant Commander Shepard as XO. Lieutenant Commander <em>Fucking <em>Shepard, Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, youngest Soldier to receive the Star of Terra and Sole Survivor of Akuze. Hell, he couldn't help feeling incredibly proud and scared shitless at the same time. One good thing would definitely be serving together with Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau again as well as Engineer Adams. Ever since leaving Anderson's office he kept mulling it over in his head and still felt unreal. This masterpiece of engineering, the new figurehead of the Alliance, and he was supposed to be a part of that? Kaidan knew he was a good soldier, his recommendations spoke for themselves, yet he would never have dreamed of such an opportunity. And working with two of the most renowned Alliance officers - this could be a huge step in his career.

Kaidan had just sat down to take a closer look at the datapad Anderson had given him with information about the Normandy and the crew listing when there was a knock at the door.

"It's open!" Kaidan called not bothering to look up from the datapad.

"Hey, Alenko, let's grab something decent to eat and talk about my new baby!" Joker stood in the doorway grinning. "Evans and Lewis are coming along, so we can brag about getting to serve on the newest Alliance frigate to them. Of course , I get to do more bragging - I'm the pilot, after all."

"Of course." Kaidan answered mockingly, "I'm only HoMD."

"Right in one, Alenko. Me - best fucking Alliance pilot flying the best fucking Alliance vessel," Joker pointed at himself. "You - groundpounder." Joker pointed at Kaidan.

Kaidan snorted. "At least I get to hit the ground with one of the best."

"Yeah..." His friend's gaze was almost wistful. "In all those vids about the Blitz she looks pretty hot."

"It was probably the blonde hair that did it to you, eh?" Kaidan shook his head, grinning. He knew very well of Joker's weakness for blonde women. It was an old joke between them. Then with a more serious expression he asked his friend: "Do you want to go out with your crutches or should we stop by your place for your wheelchair?"

"If we don't go to far the crutches ought to be fine." The pilot waved his hand dismissively.

"If you say so. Let's head out to Joe's."

"Joe's? You and your biotic metabolism. Is food the only thing you think of?" Joker rolled his eyes.

"No, that new Logic Arrest omnitool has been on my mind quite a bit as well. That thing has really impressive stats. And you were the one suggesting we grab something decent to eat, just in case you forgot. Let's get going, I'm kinda hungry."

"You're always hungry, Alenko." Joker remarked. They slowly headed down the hall where they saw the other two already waiting.

A short while later the four Alliance soldiers found themselves at Joe's Hideout. It was popular with soldiers as it offered good food at a very affordable price and was close enough to the Alliance barracks that you could go there even if you were running low on time, so it was pretty full when they got there. Actually, it was _packed_. There wasn't a vacant table to be seen. Kaidan frowned. He had been looking forward to Joe's steak sandwich, which Kaidan thought ranked right up there with his mom's.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea." Evans mentioned.

"Blame Alenko. He's thinking with his stomach again." Joker responded. "I would've suggested heading out to 8 Ball, you know, have some drinks, play some pool. Grab something to eat on the way. But as soon as I say the words _grab something to eat _Stomach-on-legs here says _Let's head out to Joe's_. I always wonder how he manages to get through a shift."

Evans snickered. "Yeah, that sounds just about right."

Kaidan sighed. He and Evans had gone through basic together and become good friends. It seemed that he always made friends with people that liked to make fun of his biotics induced appetite. _Strange, come to think of it, I don't have any biotic friends._ _Funny that never occurred to me before_, Kaidan thought.

"You guys suck. Best friends my ass." Kaidan responded in mock disdain. "And you said grab something _decent_ to eat. Big difference, that."

"Maybe we could ask that chick in the corner if we could sit at her table." Lewis jutted his chin towards a table close to the bar. A lone female soldier in unadorned BDUs sat there at a table large enough for all of them eating a burrito and reading at the same time. They looked at each other and shrugged. It was worth a shot.

When they arrived at the table the woman didn't even look up. Her hair fell in dark brown curls atop her shoulders.

"Uh, ma'am. Do you mind if we..." Kaidan started but the woman just gestured for them to sit down without bothering to look up from her book. "Go ahead." Completely unfazed she continued eating as if she were alone. The four men on the other hand weren't completely at ease. Kaidan felt reluctant to talk about his new assignment and apparently Joker felt the same since he refrained from bragging to the other two. They ordered their food and let Evans and Lewis do the talking. Evans and Lewis were both engineers. Inevitably, the talk quickly turned to tech.

They had just gotten their drinks when a civilian that had been at the bar with a small group of people strode towards their table purposefully.

"Nick, you gonna be done here soon? Ya know, the idea of going out with friends is going out _with_ your friends, not sitting by yourself reading. Coulda done that at your quarters! Whatcha reading anyway?" The civilian glared at the woman. She took another bite of her burrito and turned a page in her book. An actual _book, _not a_ datapad,_ Kaidan thought. Not many people do that anymore. The guy rolled his eyes.

"Nick? Hellooo? Nickie?" he asked again, waving a hand in front of her eyes.

"Lord of the Rings." she answered between bites.

"Lord of the Rings? _Seriously?_ Lord of the _fucking Rings_? C'mon, you've read that how often already? Twenty times? Put the friggin' book down and move your ass over to the bar." He pointed over to a group of four or five other people. Nick sighed. She still hadn't looked up.

"Matt, I love you like a brother, but if you don't let me finish my chapter I will have to kill you." She said quietly, barely more than whisper. Nonetheless, there was a chill to these softly spoken words. It sounded almost like a promise.

"And which chapter is that?" the guy called Matt asked, sounding slightly exasparated and ignoring the warning tone in her voice.

"Helm's Deep. And my count is currently 42. " came the solemn answer.

Matt rolled his eyes again. "Nickie...There are quite a few witnesses here. So, how do you plan on killing me if I don't let you finish reading? Or eating? And anyway, nobody and I mean _nobody_ reads the same book forty-two times!" He glanced at the burrito which was almost three quarters gone. For the first time now Nick raised her head. Her blue eyes piercing into her friends'.

"If you don't let me finish this goddamn chapter I'm gonna put a fuckin' bullet through your motherfuckin' head. And I read books as often as I want!" there was no humor in her voice. The four marines at the table exchanged looks. Her tone of voice was hard, the tone of an officer telling a subordinate off for something. It clearly said _don't bullshit me_. Matt just raised an eyebrow.

"That so?" He obviously wasn't intimidated.

Instead of answering Nick pulled out a state-of-the-art pistol - _a Harpy?_ Kaidan thought. _Those aren't easy to come by_- as well as a powerful shotgun - a Solokhov, if he had seen correctly, both heavily modded, and put them on the table. Somebody sure liked to pack a punch.A shout from behind the bar reached them:

"Veronika! Get those guns off the table this instant!" Obviously Joe, the proprietor, was on a first name basis with the female soldier.

She scowled but followed suit and holstered the guns.

"Maybe I'll just shoot you Han-Solo-style. You know, under the table, like he does in Mos Eisley. Anyway, the sooner you bug off the sooner I'll be done. So shoo." Nick waved a hand at him in a clearly dimissive manner and turned her attention back to her beloved book. Matt shook his head and threw up his hands in defeat.

"Ok, fine. You win, Nick-Nack. As usual. Stubborn woman. Just...come over when you're done. Trev, Becka, Chris and I really miss you. It's not like the five of us are in the same area that often anymore." He turned and left. Nick muttered something incoherent under her breath before continuing eating.

Meanwhile Kaidan and the others had also gotten their food. Kaidan was just going to take a bite of his steak sandwich as he noticed Nick looking at him. Or the sandwich. He wasn't quite sure. She, on the other hand, found herself looking into amber eyes that made her insides squirm. Who was this guy? _Obviously Alliance, dumbass. He is wearing a uniform after all_. She struggled to regain her composure and hoped nobody noticed.

"Looks good, Staff Lieutenant." Nick said with a quick glance at his rank insignia.

"It is good, ma'am." Kaidan said. He didn't know which rank she held, but she sounded like someone used to giving orders,so he figured better to be safe than sorry and address her with ma'am. You couldn't go wrong with that.

"Uh-huh." she raised her eyebrows

"Wanna try a bite?" Kaidan offered jestingly. _Did I really just ask that? Hell, I don't even_ know_ her!_ The others were just as surprised. Kaidan was often reserved until he knew people better. There weren't many people he was relaxed around. Offering a practically unknown woman some of his food was unusual. Her reaction surprised them even more. She carefully put down her book and her fork, wiped off her hands, took the sandwich in her hands, turned it until she found a spot with plenty of meat, cheese and sauce and bit into it heartily. She closed her eyes.

"Mmh-hmm." she chewed, swallowed and looked at Kaidan with a grin. "Pretty good but not as tasty as my burrito! It needs more hot sauce for one thing."

"What? You can't be serious. Your burrito doesn't even have meat in it! And a steak sandwich trumps almost anything." What am I doing, he wondered. Is this a new line of flirting?

"Don't go bashing my bean and cheese burrito, lieutenant!" she winked at him waving a forkful of said burrito in front of his face, "At least not without having tried some. But beware, I like my food spicy!"

He gave her an uncertain look. Was she really offering him some of her burrito? With an expectant expression on her face she nodded her head, so he took the fork she was offering and put it in his mouth. It _was_ good, he had to admit that. He could feel Joker and the other two staring at them open-mouthed. Now he was _trading_ food with a woman he had known for half an hour tops. What the heck was going on? This was not his usual self.

"Not bad. Still prefer my steak sandwich, though." He gave the fork back with a lop-sided smile. Nick felt her breath hitch. What the hell was she doing? She quickly regained her composure.

"We'll just have to agree to disagree on that." she laughed and stuffed the last big bite of the burrito in her mouth. Kaidan gave her another look and then resumed eating his sandwich. He caught Jokers' eye and shrugged his shoulders. Every once in a while he glanced over to the woman - Nick - and took in her appearance. She couldn't be very tall. Hell, he wasn't that tall but even sitting down he was quite a bit taller than she was. Brown hair with a reddish tint, almost the color of ripe chestnuts and blueish grey eyes. A pale complexion, several freckles dusting her nose. For some reason he felt himself drawn to her. It was odd.

Joe came over to the table to take away Nick's empty plate. "You want your usual desert?"

"Hell, yeah!" came the emphatic answer.

He nodded and disappeared in the kitchen only to reappear shortly afterwards with a large bowl of mint-chocolate chip ice cream with hot fudge sauce in one hand and a plate with brownies in the other.

"The brownies just came out of the oven. Might wanna eat the ice cream first." he said as he put both in front of Nick. She was practically beaming as she rubbed her hands. She took a spoonful of ice cream and screwed up her eyes in ecstasy. Then she took a spoonful of warm brownie together with ice cream and fudge sauce.

"Mhh-hhm! _This_ is better than sex! Almost." Apparently she hadn't planned on saying it because when she heard the choking sounds of the four marines sharing her table she blushed and asked: "Did I just say that out loud?"

They just nodded, unable to talk.

"Oh _fuck_. Sorry. I think." she winked at Kaidan again. She seemed to want to say something else when they heard a short tune being whistled. She looked over to where her friends were standing and saw Matt tilt his head ever so slightly toward the entrance. Suddenly her whole demeanor changed. Her relaxed posture was replaced by watchfulness. She kept on looking towards the entrance and started chewing her lower lip. There were a few people standing there, but they looked ordinary enough. Kaidan figured it must be someone she really didn't like. Joker and Evans started to turn around to get a look as well.

"Don't turn around!" she hissed at them. Then, in a slightly calmer tone: "Please, don't draw their attention this way. Thanks!" She slid deeper into her chair with an almost desperate expression on her face. Whoever it was, it was more than obvious she didn't want to encounter them.

"Shitshitshit. I gotta get outta here!" She threw a desperate glance at her desert and then at her book. Her dilemma was clear. She couldn't carry everything at once. She pushed the plate with the brownies towards Kaidan.

"Can't carry everything and I'm not sharing my ice cream." was her explanation. She checked her weapons, took her book into one hand and the ice cream bowl in the other. Then she slid off her seat and crouched next to the table. "Lieutenants, it was nice meeting you guys. Gotta go!" And with that she hid behind the bar only to disappear into the kitchen after a very short conversation with Joe.

Joker looked at Kaidan with raised eyebrows.

"What the heck was _that_, Alenko? I have never _ever_ seen you offer some of your food to anyone! I mean, whoa. She must've liked it though. Way to go!" Joker grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

"Looks like Kaidan found a new way to get a chick to take notice of him." Lewis teased, slapping him on the back. "Or maybe we should say finally a woman Alenko takes notice of. The ladies often seem inclined enough."

"Yeah, yeah! You guys laugh it up. I have no idea why I offered her some of my sandwich - or what happened after that. Anyway, how long are you guys gonna be here on Arcturus? Joker and I are both shipping out tomorrow morning." Kaidan tried to deflect the attention his friends were giving him as he felt the heat of a blush creeping up his cheeks. Luckily Joker took the bait even if Kaidan was sure it was more because he could finally brag about the Normandy than actually letting Kaidan off the hook.

"We sure are!" Joker said, "On the newest Alliance frigate under the command of Captain Anderson no less. You guys heard of the Normandy? The new state of the art stealth and reconnaissance vessel? Well, that's us. Her shakedown run starts tomorrow in my capable hands. Oh yeah, and our XO is nobody less than the Hero of the Blitz. Alenko here is the one that gets to put his ass in line of fire groundside with her..."

"No way!" Evans stared at them, "I applied for the Normandy when they started putting together the crew! When did you guys apply?"

Lewis just nodded and said: "Yeah, same here! And your XO is really Shepard? I've heard she's supposed to be a no-nonsense hardass. But in those vids she sure looks hot."

Joker grinned. "I hijacked the Normandy, flew her around the test course with a fighter patrol hanging at my six and when I landed her this Turian General said that if I didn't fly the Normandy it would, ah how did he put it? Oh yeah, it would "not be beneficial for Human-Turian relations". And Anderson agreed with him. So, here I am, proud helmsman of the most advanced Alliance vessel."

"You're shitting us, Joker. Who is supposed to believe that?" Lewis shook his head in disbelief.

"I shit you not, Lewis. I am sure the Alliance has the facts filed away somewhere. Check the extranet!" Joker looked immensely smug. Everybody turned their head towards Kaidan.

"I didn't apply." Kaidan said matter-of-factly and gave a small shrug.

"Wait, what? You didn't apply?" Evans stared at him.

"No. My old CO told me Anderson requested me."

"You lucky sonofabitch!" Evans and Lewis both shook their heads. They continued talking for a while yet. About new assignments, where to spend the next shore leave, omnitools, weapon mods. Kaidan found his mind wandering back to Nick constantly, though. _Maybe I should have asked her for her address_? Well, it was too late now and it was unlikely they would see each other again anytime soon, if at all.

* * *

><p>The next morning at 0700 Kaidan stepped aboard the SSV Normandy for the first time. He had loitered in the docking area for a while before boarding, just drinking in the moment. The hustle and bustle around the ship preparing her for her shakedown run. Provisions being stocked. The sleek, slender form of the hull. Joker hadn't exaggerated, she was a beauty. Excitement flowed through his veins as if this were his very first assignment.<p>

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko requesting permission to come aboard." He firmly stated the request customary.

"Permission granted." Anderson's answer came promptly.

As soon as he stepped out of the decontamination chamber he found himself face to face with Captain Anderson.

"Staff Lieutenant Alenko reporting for duty!" he saluted smartly.

"At ease, Lieutenant. Welcome aboard the Normandy. Get settled in and then take up station in the cockpit. You will be co-piloting. Mission debrief at 0800 in the comm room."

Kaidan waved to Joker in the cockpit and then walked on through the CIC, heading for the lower deck to the elevator. The layout was a little bit different from a standard Alliance frigate but it shouldn't take too long getting used to. After all, she wasn't that big. He would have liked to have a look at the Tantalus drive core and talk to Engineer Adams, but that would have to wait. Kaidan went to the lockers and squared away his equipment. Before assuming his station he checked the sleeping pods to see who he had to hot bunk with only to find out he was the lucky owner of a pod of his own. Well, that's a pleasant surprise, he thought. The perks of being an officer.

"Morning! How long have you been here?" he asked Joker as soon as he stepped into the cockpit. He sat down on the co-pilot seat and powered up his terminal.

"0630. They wouldn't let me aboard any earlier. Maintenance wasn't done yet." Joker let out a huff of indignation. "Why did you wait so long to come aboard? I saw you standing outside gawking for at least ten minutes."

Kaidan shrugged. "I...dunno. Just wanted to get a good look at our girl here, I guess. I think I must've pinched myself at least a half a dozen times since yesterday. I mean, I feel like in a dream. I have absolutely no idea what I did to get a commission here." There was a beep from his terminal signaling it was online. He immediately began working on the pre-take off check list.

"Yeah, our girl is a beauty. And we're gonna pop her cherry in style!" Joker turned in his seat, grinning at Kaidan who winced at his friends choice of words. Joker picked it up right away and teased him: "Jeez, Alenko! You're a marine! How did you manage all these years in the Alliance if a phrase like that bothers you?"

"Probably because my mother would wash out my mouth with soap if she heard me talking like that. She wouldn't care about the fact that I'm a 31-year-old marine with almost ten years of service. You know my mom, she can be more intimidating than the whole Alliance brass."

"True, I'll give you that." Joker nodded sagely.

They continued bantering for a while when Joker suddenly whispered: "No way, I don't believe it! Alenko, look outside."

Kaidan lifted his head and looked at the monitor showing a visual of the docking area and decon. There, heading into decon was none other than the female marine that had shared their table at Joe's. She was wearing sunglasses and carrying two boxes along with her gear. One looked like a pizza box and the other was from a bakery if he wasn't mistaken.

"There's only one person that hasn't reported in yet." Joker whispered, "And that's the XO."

"God, are you saying that's Lieutenant Commander Shepard?!" Kaidan was aghast. As if to emphasize the moment the ships V.I. stated: "XO Shepard is aboard."

"I thought she was blonde!" Joker exclaimed.

"Joker, shoot me. This is kinda embarrassing." Kaidan could feel himself blushing. He wished a hole in the ground would open and swallow him.

Joker's response was cut short as they heard the Captain greet Shepard.

"Commander, welcome aboard."

"Oh, come _on_! I'm not on duty yet, Uncle Dave. I've got, ah, twenty more minutes of shore leave. So I'm gonna head to the mess, eat my breakfast and be ready for the mission debrief at 0800. See ya then!" Nick Shepard trudged on without waiting for an answer.

"Are you drunk, Shepard?" Anderson asked sharply, frowning at her. "You know you're not supposed to call me that on duty or in official space."

"Nope, just fucking tired and hungry. Hadn't planned on it, but ended up pulling an all-nighter with the gang. Look on the bright side, at least you didn't have to bail me out of jail this time."

"You should be glad it was me and not your mother or father that bailed you out last time."

"Oh, believe me, I am! They would've thrown me straight back into the brig. And now I need some chow." with that she walked on.

Kaidan and Joker looked at each other. Uncle Dave? Bail the commander out of jail? _This_ was the Hero of the Blitz? The Alliance poster girl? Sure, her behavior the evening before was, well, odd. Kaidan couldn't come up with a better word to describe it. Cool and distanced to who was apparently an old friend, then almost flirtacious with him and finally nervous.

Joker's only comment again, almost to a point of whining, was: "And I thought the Hero of the Blitz was blonde."

Kaidan just shook his head in disbelief.

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes later all officers were to be debriefed in the com room. And at 0759 all except Shepard were present. Anderson shook his head and sighed. Nick was an excellent soldier, but every now and then she felt compelled to rebel. Often just with little things, like calling him "Uncle Dave" in front of subordinates just to make an entrance. Sometimes bigger things such as full grown bar brawls. The last bar brawl had been after Akuze. She had gone out on a pub crawl with her regular crowd, her "gang", and they had gotten completely shitfaced. In the course of the night somebody had gotten smart with her and she had punched the guy in the gut, commencing what she later refered to as "an epic bar brawl". He had to admit, he was surprised that he hadn't had to bail her out of jail again since then. She had been in line ever since that epic bar brawl and he was almost expecting her to blow the top again anytime. Maybe, just maybe, she had learned that using fists wasn't always the solution.<p>

At 0800 sharp she stepped into the comm room. Her uniform immaculate, shoulders straight, not slouching like twenty minutes earlier. As soon as she entered the room she ripped off a textbook salute. Her eyes, though tired, were clear and showed no sign of intoxication.

"Lieutenant-Commander Shepard reporting for duty!" Her voice was crisp, the slight slurring from before was gone. She was now in her Shepard-on-duty-mode and it was a good thing, too, because she had just spotted two of the marines from the previous evening and of course one of them was the guy she had flirted with. _Of course_, she groaned inwardly. _Of course I meet this cute dude and he just has to serve on the same ship as I do and be my subordinate._ _Shit_.

"At ease, Commander. Did you find the time to read the personnel records I gave you yesterday?"

"Not all of them, sir. I hadn't planned on last night going quite the way it did. Some friends ambushed me and I didn't make it back to the N7 barracks until almost 0630 this morning and then things got kind of rushed."

"In that case, let me introduce you. This is Navigator Pressley."

"I read your file, Pressley. You were on the SSV Agincourt during the Blitz? If I remember right she was one of the first to arrive." She shook the older man's hand.

"Thank you, Commander. It would have been to no avail if you hadn't held out as long as you did."

Next she talked to Engineer Adams. Then she came to the first marine from last night. A Flight Lieutenant.

"This is our pilot. Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau." Anderson said.

"Just call me Joker, ma'am." the pilot saluted gingerly. She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Pilots were a testy bunch and over-confidence was a common trait. On the other hand he must be good, otherwise he wouldn't have been picked to man the helm of the Normandy. Last to be introduced was the dark-haired Lieutenant with the steak sandwich. She involuntarily held her breath.

"And this is Staff Lieutenant Alenko, head of marine detail. You two will be working together a good deal, coordinating groundside missions and so forth. I suggest you get acquainted as soon as possible."

"Ma'am." Kaidan saluted smartly. He didn't trust himself to say much more. Luckily she just returned his salute just as crisply. She extended her hand and as soon as he touched it there was a crackle of biotic energy. They both flinched slightly. "Uh, sorry, ma'am. I should've mentioned I'm a biotic. Sometimes we discharge dark energy upon contact from the static our implants build up. It happens more often when under stress. Or when we're hungry."

"Not a problem, Alenko. I've worked with biotics before. If I had taken the time to read the personell files the captain gave me I would've been prepared. And all the biotics I've known so far were always hungry." She gave him a quick smile before turning her attention back to Anderson. Kaidan couldn't help but smile back and she felt her gut flip._ _Shit_, _now is not the time!__

"Good, now that that is done let me fill you in." Anderson said. "Our destination is Eden Prime. Before we head there though we will be picking up a guest. Nihlus Kryik is a SpecTRe who will be accompanying us. That is all for now. Dismissed."

Kaidan and Joker went back to cockpit to resume their stations. They ran the last set of diagnostics before Joker radioed the Captain to let him know they were ready and able. A few minutes later Anderson and Shepard walked into the cockpit, taking up positions to the left and right behind Joker's chair.

"Joker, take us aweigh." Anderson commanded in a quiet tone.

"Aye, aye." Joker's hands flew over his console. The docking clamps disengaged and the Normandy was officially on her first assignment. "We are secure and aweigh."

Neither Anderson nor Shepard moved. It was only a few minutes from Arcturus station to the Arcturus Prime relay. They were waiting for Joker to begin the approach run to the mass relay.

"Board is green, approach run has begun. Hitting relay in 3...2...1... ETA twenty hours."

"Very good. Commander, a word please." Anderson turned and left the cockpit, not waiting for Shepard to follow.

"Shit. Wonder which dressing down I'm up for this time." Shepard grumbled quietly before leaving as well.

Joker and Kaidan shared a glance but both remained silent. Kaidan couldn't beat down the feeling that this shakedown run was something more, the fact that a SpecTRe would be along for the ride enhancing it yet. It sure as hell smelled of politics, but Kaidan wouldn't admit that just yet. Apart from that, the Commander seemed like a very intruiging person. He struggled not to turn around and watch her walk back towards the CIC. He turned his head just far enough to see Joker grinning at him. _Shit._


	2. Eden Prime

**A/N: Some of the dialogue from the game is unchanged in this chapter, some is altered a little and some is what I imagine them saying. Bioware owns all. Even Kaidan. *sigh* Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 2 Eden Prime<p>

Shepard was increasingly annoyed. Ever since they had picked up Nihlus he was following her like a shadow. And being almost certain that both Anderson and Nihlus were holding back information concerning Normandy's shakedown run did nothing to improve her mood. Now, she finally had a few minutes to herself. The mess was blessedly empty. It was early and only the night shift was at their stations. She started rummaging for something to eat.

"G'morning, ma'am." she nearly jumped out of her skin when she unexpectedly heard the husky voice of Staff Lieutenant Alenko behind her. She turned around to look at the lieutenant. He was wearing Alliance issue sweat pants and T-shirt and had clearly just gotten up, his hair still tousled from sleeping. He had a towel over his shoulder and a shaving kit in one hand. Before she had answered he passed her heading for the showers.

"Good morning, Lieutenant." she said to empty space, shaking her head. She was surprised he had said anything at all. The crew had quickly learned that Kaidan showed a blatant disregard for his surroundings until after his first coffee and seldom said anything until after his second. Shepard had witnessed several close calls the past few days and Alenko seemed completely oblivious of the shear number of almost accidents on his behalf. She found it...cute. She also had suppress the butterflies that had started fluttering in her stomach as soon as she heard his voice. And she wasn't staring after him either, no way. She would have to deal with listening to his voice soon enough. They went through the crew roster and supply list together everyday. The past few days they had been coordinating combat sims. It wasn't that she didn't want to hear his voice. Quite the contrary. She took a deep breath and muttered: "You're not going there, Shepard!"

"Not going where, commander?" Anderson's voice startled her out of her reverie concerning the lieutenant.

She closed her eyes for a swift moment before turning around to face her CO.

"Good morning, sir. Just...thinking about things." she finished lamely. She felt like squirming under Anderson's scrutiny. Hopefully he just thought her mind had wandered to the Blitz. Or Akuze. Or anything other than her increasingly improper thoughts of the lieutenant.

"Have you eaten, Shepard?" he gave her a sharp look, "We will be reaching Eden Prime today and I want you fit for a long days work."

"Sir? What is it you haven't been telling me? I mean, a blind man can see that something is up." she ventured not answering his question.

"All in due time." was the cryptic response.

Nick felt her temper rising. She was sick and tired of being held out of the loop and she was absolutely sure that was the case. She was just about to give an angry remark when Alenko came back, now dressed properly in his ACUs, but obviously making a beeline for the coffee machine. As soon as he had his coffee Kaidan joined his commanding officers, datapad in hand.

"Lieutenant, Commander. I will leave you to coordinate todays routine. We should arrive at Eden Prime around 1100, so I suggest running at least two more sims. There is always room for improvement. Commander, you will chose the simulations and inform me as soon as we are ready to commence." With that Anderson nodded at them and headed to his office.

It was still surprisingly quiet. Several crew members passed them but they all either seemed to be heading straight to their duty stations or, as Kaidan had before, to the showers. They sat for a moment in silence before Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Uh, ma'am, I wanted to apologize to you yet."

She gave him a look of surprise. "Apologize? What for? The sims aren't perfect yet, but you've spent a lot of time on the diagnostics and results are improving. Everything is fine, Lieutenant."

"That's not what I meant, ma'am. I wanted to apologize for being so forward back on Arcturus." God, was he glad he had finally worked up the courage to say something about that.

"Refresh my memory, Lieutenant, but I am pretty sure I made the first move. Do you think I should apologize to you?" She gazed steadily at him.

"No, ma'am!" he shook his head.

"Well there you go, Alenko. You didn't do anything wrong." _Actually, once the ball was in your court you played along pretty well_, she thought. "There is one thing, though."

"Ma'am?" he sounded slightly worried.

"Please, please stop calling me _ma'am_. I always feel like my mother is standing behind me then. Commander is fine, or better yet just plain Shepard. But at any rate cut the _ma'am_ crap. Got it?"

"Yes ma...Commander."

"That was close. I guess we should get to work soon otherwise the captain will have our hide."

"Sure thing, Commander. Can I just ask one more thing?"

"Shoot, Lieutenant."

"Back on Arcturus, uh, why did you sneak out through the kitchen like that?" Shepard remained silent for a minute and Kaidan feared he had crossed some sort of line. "Sorry, Commander, it's none of my business. Forget I said anything."

He felt relief washing over him when she laughed quietly.

"Relax! I don't know if you recall any of the people standing around the entrance, but at least two of them were press. One of them was my very _personal friend,_" the emphasis put on the last two words indicating the exact opposite, "Khaleesa bin Al-Jilani, Westerlund news. That bitch has been trying to drag my name through the mud since Akuze. I am highly allergic to the press and she tends to bring out the worst in me." she sheepishly admitted. "So, I decided to run for it."

"I figured it was someone you didn't like, I hadn't considered the press, though."

"They're a royal pain in the ass. Okay, Lieutenant, enough lollygagging. Let's get cracking."

* * *

><p>Several hours later they had completed not two but three more sims. The first two had worked just fine - but the third? Kaidan had never worked through such a difficult simulation before and the way the crew was groaning neither had they. After the third sim had run the fourth time, ending again in the flashing red lights that indicated they were dead, Anderson finally called it quits and with a summoning wave of his hand towards the commander headed for his office. Joker had thrown his hands in the air with a clearly flustered "Goddamnit!" while Kaidan had felt more like banging his head on his console. That was now more than half an hour ago and they were only about forty minutes out from Eden Prime and neither the Captain nor the Commander had left the Captain's office. Oddly, Nihlus was also with them.<p>

Ten minutes later the Turian entered the cockpit and took up his usual place before hitting a relay, followed shortly after by a solemn looking Lieutenant Commander.

"The Arcturus Prime Relay is in range." Joker punched in a command. "Initiating transmission sequence...We are connected, calculating transit mass and destination. The relay is hot, acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit...The board is green, approach run has begun. Hitting the relay in 3...2...1...Thrusters - check, navigation - check, Internal emission sink engaged. All systems online. Drift...just under 1500k." He leaned back slightly.

"1500 is good." Nihlus quipped. "The captain will be pleased." The Spectre turned and left.

"I hate that guy!" Joker muttered annoyed.

Kaidan looked at him with a shake of his head. "Nihlus gave you a compliment so you hate him?"

"Remember to zip up your jump suit on your way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy to hit a target the size of a pinhead - so that's incredible. Besides," Joker snorted, "Spectres are trouble. I don't like having 'em on board. Call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid." Kaidan looked over to his friend. "The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment." At least, that was what Kaidan was trying to convince himself of. With little success. Deep down he was afraid Joker was actually right.

"Yeah, that's the _official_ story, but only an idiot believes the official story." Joker shot back.

Shepard decided to interrupt. She would have liked to agree with Alenko but everything just felt...wrong. She had this niggling sensation she had had before that disastrous shore leave on Elysium and also before heading out to Akuze. Her gut told her something about this mission was about to go horribly sideways.

"You don't send Spectres on shakedown runs."

"So there's more going on here than the Captain's..." Joker's retort was cut short by Anderson over the com.

"Joker! Status report!"

Joker gave the Captain the update, not without mentioning Nihlus was on his way.

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Anderson did not sound amused. "Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing."

"You get that, Commander?" Joker asked.

"Great," Nick rolled her eyes, "you piss the captain off and now I have to pay for it!" She turned and walked towards the CIC, making her way to the comm room. She heard Joker say "The Captain always sounds like that!" and Kaidan's response "Only when he's talking to you, Joker." and she could have almost felt like laughing.

In the CIC she overheard Pressley arguing with Adams about the mission. Pressley also felt like something was off-key. She couldn't help thinking it was more because of his xenophobic attitude than anything else, but maybe she was not being fair. Then she ran into Corporal Jenkins, a young marine itching for his first action, and Dr. Chakwas. She tried to convince the corporal that he should treat it like any other assignment, assuring him that as long as he followed her orders everything would be fine, but his only comment was: "We all know what you can do! You proved yourself twice, during the Blitz and on Akuze!"

She felt herself freeze. She wasn't proud of Elysium, or much more the hype that had ensued afterwards, and she sure as heck wasn't proud about Akuze. That mission had been a TARFU if there ever was one. Something in her demeanor must have gotten through to him because he suddenly backpaddled, insisting he didn't mean to be disrespectful. Biting back a harsh reply she replied as calmly as she could muster: "I got lucky on Elysium and _really_ lucky on Akuze. I try not thinking of either, especially Akuze. Fifty marines died there, Corporal,_ fifty_."

He paled. Maybe her tone had been colder than anticipated. The doctor intervened and Shepard shot her a thankful glance. It gave her the time to regain her bearings.

"Jenkins, you are young and have plenty of time yet. Don't go looking for action, it might come back and bite you in the ass. You're a marine, action usually finds us. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about." she smiles and then, snapping her fingers as if it had just crossed her mind, she added: "Oh, and when I say _Don't go looking for action_ that also includes letting the Lieutenant biotically throw you through the room. Luckily, the Lieutenant has a solid control over his biotics. Otherwise that's an easy way to get injured. Doctor, Corporal."

She continued her way to the comm room only to find Nihlus there instead of Anderson. She frowned. Nihlus turns around to face her after she has barely taken two steps into the room. "Shepard. I hoped you'd get here first."

"Why's that? Where's Anderson? He said he wanted to meet me here." she asked warily.

"He's on his way. I wondered what you knew about Eden Prime. Humans consider it a paradise, I believe."

"I wouldn't know, never been there. And anyway, I'm a marine, not some tourist on vacation." she very nearly snapped at him.

"That may be. You can't deny it is special to human kind."

"If you've got something to say, say it. Or are you trying to scare me, Spectre?" she crossed her arms in front of her body, scowling at him. What was he getting at? She felt her always fiery temper rising.

Before he could answer the door slid open and Anderson entered the room. "Maybe we should tell the Commander what's going on."

"That would be fan-_fuck_-tastic. Sir." Shepard couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice, earning a silent reprimand from her captain. It was a stern glare she had known for many years, one she also knew from her parents, saying _Watch your tone, young lady_. She bit her tongue, listening as the Captain and the Spectre filled her in on the true mission objective. A covert pick-up. When they told her however that Nihlus was also there to evaluate her for the SPecTRes she couldn't hold her tongue any longer. "Guess that explains why he's there everytime I turn around."

Anderson closed his eyes, but Nihlus continued: "You showed resourcefulness on Elysium and the will to survive on Akuze, both extremely useful traits. They are part of the reason I put your name forward for the SPecTRes."

"Wait, _you_ put my name forward?" she looked at the Turian, eyes widening. He just nodded. She shut her mouth again, processing the information. _Her, a Spectre? Holy hell..._She closed her eyes briefly and then focused on getting as much information as possible on the Prothean beacon.

"_Sir, we got a problem. Incoming transmission from Eden Prime_, _you better see this!_" Joker's voice interrupted them.

"Bring it up on the screen, Joker." Anderson commanded.

"_Aye-aye._"

What they saw now was nothing short of unexpected and shocking. Marines under attack and obviously not on the winning side. The short _ack-ack-ack_ of assault rifles filling the air. The most disturbing thing was a...ship? of enormous size and unknown origin.

"Joker, what's our ETA?" Anderson inquired.

"_Seventeen minutes out, sir._" came the prompt reply.

"Take us in, fast and quiet. This mission just got a whole lot more complicated." Anderson turned to Nick, "Shepard, tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up. You're going in hot."

She saluted and went to ready her ground team. _I __ knew it_, she groaned inwardly,_ I just knew it_. _Just once I would like to go on a simple mission. Go in, complete mission, head out, done. Just _once_._

Jenkins was still standing in the CIC.

"Corporal, we're going groundside. You have five minutes to get down to the cargo hold. And tell Alenko to suit up as well. Doubletime it, marine!" she barked at him. Jenkins shot towards the cockpit, nearly stumbling over his own feet trying to obey his commander's orders as fast as possible. Meanwhile Nick headed to her locker.

Kaidan was surprised when Jenkins barged into the cockpit, breathless with excitement. "Lieutenant, we're going groundside! The Commander said to be in the cargo hold in five minutes to suit up!"

Kaidan jumped up and rushed down towards the cargo deck with the Corporal. When they arrived there Shepard was already busy pulling on her underarmor. She filled them in quickly as they dressed down to their skivvies and started pulling on their underarmor.

"We'll be dropping in a hot zone. The colony is under attack by unknown, so keep your eyes peeled! Our mission objective is the covert pick-up of a Prothean beacon." She watched as Alenko checked Jenkins armor, adjusting something before giving him a pat on the shoulder for the all clear, before she signalled Kaidan to turn around so she could do the same for him. Only minus the adjusting. She frowned at the Alliance issue light armor he was wearing, though. She prefered the medium or even the heavy armor. Finally she turned around, signalling Kaidan to inspect her armor. He did so quickly and professionally, patting her shoulder when he was done.

"Thanks, Lieutenant."

"Anytime, Commander." came the instant reply.

They had just finished readying their weapons when Anderson and Nihlus strode in. The captain again stated the mission objective and to Kaidan's inquiry what they should do in case of survivors the captain said "Helping survivors is a secondary objective! The beacon is your top priority. Nihlus will scout ahead and feed you with intel. Good luck!"

* * *

><p>They had no sooner touched down in the drop zone when the acrid stench of burning flesh assaulted their noses. The sky was red as the sun shone through smoke and fumes, giving the atmosphere an eerie touch. Her skin crawled with anticipation and she shot a glance at her squad mates. Alenko was sweeping the area with his omnitool, completely focused on the task and promptly stating: "The area is clear, no hostiles!"<p>

Jenkins on the other hand she would have to deal with now.

"Oh my God." Jenkins whispered, looking around shocked. This was his home colony, even if it wasn't his home settlement. "What happened here?"

"Focus, Corporal! You won't help them by standing there, gawking." Shepard's tone was commanding, but when Jenkins turned to face her there was understanding in her eyes that took away some of the harshness.

"Aye-aye." he choked out.

"Do you know your way around here, Corporal? Any possible short cuts?" Kaidan asked quietly. Shepard threw him an appreciative look.

"No, sir. I grew up about forty clicks from here."

"Well, then we just stick to our HUDs. Move out and stay sharp!" she motioned them to get going as she readied her sniper rifle.

They carefully picked their way down a stony path, meeting no living creatures apart from the native gas bags that had startled the lieutenant, resulting in an almost childish yelp from his side. Shepard turned her head to look at him with raised eyebrows and saw him blushing with embarrassment. Jenkins even laughed a little before telling them the gas bags were harmless. Shortly afterwards the laughter died on his lips as they stumbled across the first scorched corpses.

Proceeding with caution they finally came to a sharp bend in the path. Shepard raised her fist in the universal mnemonic for halt and scanned the area with her eyes. She couldn't see anything but the bad feeling in her gut was constantly growing. She looked over to Kaidan whose omnitool was glowing and after a quiet "All clear!" as his tool showed no hostiles she waved them forward, indicating to Jenkins to take point.

Afterwards she would always admonish herself for that decision. Within seconds the mission went from SNAFU to FUBAR. Almost instantly she felt like recalling her command but it was too late. They had no sooner left cover when they heard a high whizzing sound and found themselves in the crosshairs of some sort of recon drones. She realized with dread that while she and the Lieutenant had instantly dodged for cover Jenkins had frozen, feet rooted to the ground. Sharp bursts tore the air asunder as the drones fired at the Corporal, finding their target. He dropped. Shepard aimed but before she could pull the trigger on her target it exploded in an Overload sent by Kaidan. She raised her eyebrows. Impressive. Focusing on a new target she said: "Lieutenant, you take the one on the right!"

As soon as the recon drones were down Alenko tore out of cover running to the still form of the corporal lying on the ground. Shepard got up just a second later knowing instinctively before the lieutenant had run his medical diagnostics program that the corporal was either dead or gravely injured at the very least.

"Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance." Kaidan got up, looking a little pale. They had been friends, Shepard recalled. She looked down at the young marine. She hadn't known him well. He had seemed nice enough, though a little too overenthusiastic for her taste. Nonetheless she had to make sure her lieutenant stayed focused.

"I know you two were friends, but there is nothing we can do for him now. We have to finish the mission. Once the beacon is secure we will return for him and see to it that he gets a proper service." she looked straight at Kaidan, pointing her finger at him, "But right now I need you to keep focused!"

"Aye-aye, ma'am." There was nothing but determination in his eyes as he returned her gaze. She nodded, satisfied. He was a professional, the time for grief would come later.

As they continued their way slowly they encountered several recon drones yet. They were taken care of rather quickly as Kaidan had changed some parameters on his omnitool and it now gave them ample warning before the drones were in sight.

"How come your omnitool didn't show those drones that got Jenkins?" she asked as they crouched together behind a fair sized boulder.

"The frequency setting was wrong. It didn't recognize the drones as tangos because the frequency the drones emit was to low. All I did was change the frequency setting on the tool and uploaded the new setting onto my HUD. So, now they show up. Simple, really." he shrugged and then leaned out sending an Overload at a drone that had come within view. It exploded.

"Can you update the HUD in my suit as well?" she asked.

"Sure."

She activated her own omnitool and held her arm out to him. Kaidan's fingers practically flew over her display and a minute later he looked at her.

"All set, Commander."

"Well, I see your tech skills are impressive, Alenko. Let's see if that goes for your biotics as well." she checked her omnitool and the new readings on her HUD. Everything looked clear. "Any tangos on your display?"

"Negative, Commander."

She nodded at him and they moved out again.

Soon they heard the sound of an assault rifle and the screeching bursts of an unknown weapon. It sounded similar to the particle bursts the recon drones shot with, but not quite the same. As they came over the top of a small incline they saw a female marine in a Phoenix armor trying to outrun some synthetics that were hot on her heels. Shepard flinched as she saw the marine stumble and fall, but she rolled around quickly and took out the closest pursuer. Then she sprang to her feet and ran full speed until she could take cover behind large boulder.

Two more synthetics approached the lone marine. Shepard dropped to her knee, bringing up her sniper rifle in one smooth movement. Exhale. Hold. Shoot. One down. Alenko had continued running down the hill to a smaller rock. As he slid to a halt he had his omnitool out already and Sabotaged the remaining hostile. It didn't explode, but unfortunately staggered on yet. Kaidan whipped out his pistol and shot it in the head. This time it did explode.

The air was clear for now and they made their way over to the marine in the Phoenix armor.

"God, am I glad to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams from the 212. Are you in charge here, ma'am?"

Nick introduced herself. "I'm Commander Shepard and this is Lieutenant Alenko. Are you hurt, marine?"

"Just some scrapes and burns, ma'am. The others weren't so lucky."

"Let Alenko have a look at your injuries and give me a sitrep." Shepard waved Kaidan over and he started running his medical diagnostics program as Williams began her report.

The Chief slowly started speaking, telling them about guarding the scientists and the beacon and that everything had been quiet until the previous night. Nothing had prepared them for the attack and now her whole platoon was decimated.

"Could some of the scientists still be alive?" Shepard inquired.

Ashley ran her hand over her face. "I don't know, ma'am."

Shepard remained silent for a moment. "You're with us now, Chief. Let's head for the dig site!"

At the dig site they met more synthetics. The Chief was certain they were Geth but the Lieutenant was hesitant to believe that. After all the Geth hadn't been outside the Veil in over two centuries. Shepard could understand his scepticism and yet she believed Williams was right. Alenko went over to one of the synthetics and started prying it apart. Leave it to a tech, Shepard thought exchanging a short glance with Ashley. The Chief rolled her eyes when Kaidan exclaimed: "My god, they really are Geth!"

"That's what I said, LT." Ashley quipped.

Shepard had her eyes pinned on the metal spikes with the impaled bodies of the Geth's victims. Without taking her eyes off them she turned her head ever so slightly towards Williams. "Chief, do you have any idea what these spikes are for?"

"No, ma'am. I'm pretty sure I saw these damn synthetics impaling one of my platoon on one of these things while he was still alive."

"Psychological warfare." Kaidan tossed in.

Shepard frowned. Those spikes made her uneasy. "Just keeps your eyes on those things. They make me feel..." her voice trailed off. She shook her head and proceeded up the path. The further they went the slower they became.

"This is a good spot for an ambush." Kaidan ventured. "Keep your guard up!"

Nick wholeheartedly agreed with him. To top it off there were a number of those spikes yet, too. As they came closer the spikes suddenly pulled down, releasing their impaled victims.

"Oh my god, they're still alive!" Kaidan voiced the horror they all felt. Nick pulled out her Solokhov, her sniper rifle definitely not being the right weapon for this close range. Kaidan had his pistol and Ashley stuck to her assault rifle. Those...things...husks, whatever, were damn fast.

"Lieutenant, I think it's time for some biotic magic!" Shepard shouted as she retreated from two husks closing in on her from two sides. Kaidan reacted promptly. He glowed blue and threw the last husks back. When one got up again Nick took it out with her shotgun. She wiped her brow and then turned to Kaidan, a grim expression on her face. "Alenko, you can't tell me that's as far as you can throw those things. I certainly hope you aren't holding back on purpose because now is not the bloody time for that! I don't know what your issue is with your biotics. You have these powers, then you bloody damn well use them. And no more holding back, have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal, ma'am." he sounded almost ashamed.

She shot him a short look. "Good. Let's find this damn beacon and get off of this bloody planet."

One of the pre-fabs by the site of the ambush was locked and after hacking their way in they encountered two scientists hiding there, one of which told them the beacon had been moved to a spaceport and the other was obviously out of his mind. Nick frowned at him as he ramble on about the closing darkness. _Blah, blah, blah._ Before she got to annoyed and punched the poor guy she ordered Ashley to take them to the spaceport.

A little further they found another locked pre-fab...and more Geth.

"These things are starting to get really annoying." Nick grumbled.

After the Geth were taken care of they found three farmers hiding in the pre-fab. One of them accidentally let something about a smuggling ring slip. Shepard was holding onto her patience by her teeth and when they didn't want to come clean she whipped out her pistol and snarled: "Would you rather be a snitch or a corpse?"

"Powell! His name is Powell!" the terrified farmer cried out.

"No honor among thieves." Ashley smirked.

"Let's go." Shepard turned her back on the farmers and headed in the direction of the spaceport, wondering what else could possibly go wrong. And where Nihlus was, come to think of it. It had been too long since his last status report. The answer to her question followed shortly afterwards. They saw a body lying on the ground and as they got closer Kaidan was the first to say it out loud.

"Commander, it's Nihlus."

"What a complete and utter clusterfuck!" Shepard stared at the Turian Spectre who had supposed to evaluate her. "Looks like he was shot in the back of his head from close range, do you agree Alenko?"

Just then there was a sound from behind some crates. The three marines had their pistols ready instantly. A man emerged from behind the crates, clearly shaken. The man - Powell - told them that Nihlus been shot by another Turian, called Saren. They had talked, Nihlus had let his guard down obviously not expecting anything bad and Saren had shot him in the back of his head. Shepard asked a few more questions concerning the beacon before harmlessly stating "You run a smuggling ring."

Powell looked taken aback and tried to worm his way out but Nick's temper was blazing. "Those grenades and mods could have saved lives today! Good marines died defending your sorry ass and you have the balls to tell me it's not bad when things go missing from military requisitions? You had better find a way to make amends!"

"Yes, of course!" he spluttered.

Nick grabbed him by his collar and, holding her pistol in his face, said in an icy tone: "Don't. Piss. Me. Off. I've had enough of your jerking me around!"

She was aware Alenko and Williams were not seeing her best side but people like Powell made her blood boil. She shot the poor man a disgusted look before motioning to Kaidan and Ashley to head for the tram station. She desperately had to calm down again and find her cool. Her temper was starting to interfere with her judgment. It made her reckless, she knew that. And it was dangerous for a soldier to be reckless. It could cost more lives than her own. She drew a few deep breaths. During combat she was controlled and efficient but as soon as the immediate danger had passed? The adrenaline in her veins made it hard for her to keep her temper in check then.

As they carefully rounded the next corner only to be facing even more Geth she couldn't help sarcastically thinking how very thoughtful the Geth were to offer her such an opportunity to regain focus. Shepard grinned as she took out a Geth with her sniper rifle, before quickly switching to her shot gun to deal with the two geth that had rounded to corner of the stairs. They dropped before she brought her shot gun up. Turning her head she saw Alenko and Williams with their guns drawn. Creeping to the corner of the stairs she peeked around. More geth. A lot of them. Two of them were...big. There was not much cover on the stairs, but there were plenty of crates on the walkway. Nodding at at Kaidan and Ashley she left cover, racing down the steps. She felt energy bursts from the geth rifles closing in on her as she dived behind a crate. Alenko and Williams were both crouched behind another crate.

She ventured a quick glance over the top of her crate and immediately let herself drop again. A shot buzzed over her head._ Too close_. It was one of the big geth and it seemed to be training on her. Suddenly the air crackled with static and as she peeked again she saw the geth flying through the air, enveloped in wisps of blue energy. She looked over to where Alenko and Williams had taken cover and sure enough, the Lieutenant was also covered in the tell-tale wisps of blue. This time there was no way he had held back. She would have to acknowledge that later.

After killing a number more geth they finally made it to the tram.

"The spaceport is just over there." Williams pointed out.

As Shepard got off of the tram her eyes fell on a device. A demolition charge. Great. She stopped dead in her tracks and called Kaidan without turning her head. As soon as he was close behind her she stepped to the side.

"Lieutenant, this is your area of expertise. Williams and I will give you cover."

Kaidan went straight to work. Luckily it was fairly simple and took him at most ten seconds to disarm. There were three more demolition charges to go yet. They raced up a ramp and across a bridge to the position of the next bomb. There were considerably more geth closing in on them. Kaidan couldn't worry about the geth. The Commander and Gunnery Chief Williams would take care of them. His job was disarming the bomb. This demolition charge was rigged in a more complicated way. Thirty seconds later he got up and headed towards the third bomb, biotically throwing several geth with a flick of his wrist. When he reached the third bomb the geth resistance had increased even more and Shepard and Williams had plenty to do. It was rigged like the first one and he quickly had it done. He quickly noticed they were pinned down once he looked up from the bomb. Overloading one geth and sabotaging another he added his effort to Shepard's and William's. As soon as all hostiles were down he raced to the last demolition charge. He frowned. It was rigged differently again and a lot more complicated than the others. He glanced at the timer. 52 seconds. With a furrowed brow he began working.

"How's it going?" he heard Ashley ask Shepard after a short while. Another glance at the timer. 38 seconds.

"Alenko will get it done." Shepard answered confidently. She looked at the timer over his shoulder and ventured carefully: "Lieutenant?"

He grunted non-committally. 25 seconds. Ashley's shadow fell over him from the other side and he gave her a short annoyed glance. She quickly backed off. Fifteen seconds. Okay, he thought. This _has_ to be it. The timer stopped, eight seconds left on the clock. He rocked back on his heels and exhaled, wiping some perspiration off his brow.

"Cutting it a little close there, weren't you, LT?" Ashley wondered as she glanced at the timer.

"Nah. Beaucoup time yet." Shepard shrugged. "Worked out just fine. The Lieutenant did well. C'mon people, let's find that fucking beacon and get off this planet."

They went around another corner - and there it was. Together with a handful of husks and geth. They were quickly disposed of and Shepard radioed back to the Normandy. Kaidan and Ashley had gone closer to the beacon. She heard tidbits of their conversation.

"...Actual working Prothean technology!..." Kaidan sounded awed. The geek in him was probably having a field day, Nick snickered to herself.

"Wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up." Ashley didn't sound quite that enthusiastic. She turned her back on the beacon and joined the Commander. Kaidan took a step closer to the beacon.

"When is our ETA, Commander?" Ashley asked as soon as she reached Shepard.

Shepard was just about to answer when she suddenly pushed Ashley to the side and started sprinting towards the beacon. Ashley whipped around to see the LT being dragged towards the beacon by some invisible force. Shepard raced towards him, jumped, grabbed him around the waist and somehow with a twist threw him out of harms way. Kaidan landed hard on his back, smacking the back of his head on the floor. He rolled over to see Shepard being dragged towards the beacon in his place. He wanted to rush to her help but Ashley held him back.

"No! Don't touch her. It's too dangerous!"

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter turned out to be a little longer than I had anticipated! Hope you liked it.**


	3. Fifteen Hours

**A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter than the other two, but I always wondered what Kaidan did while Shepard lie in the Normandy's med bay unconscious for fifteen hours. ****So this idea unfolded in my mind and I decided to write about it. **

**Bioware owns all. I'm just playing in their sandbox.  
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><p>3. Fifteen Hours<p>

Helplessly he watched as his commander hung there levitating in midair, a shrill shriek disrupting the silence. After what seemed like eternity the beacon exploded and Shepard was flung to the ground. Hard. He tore free of Ashleys' grip and rushed to Shepard. At first he was certain he had killed his commander with his foolish curiosity but he quickly discovered her vitals were fine.

"Radio the Normandy!" he called over his shoulder to Ashley."Tell them the Commander is down!"

He carefully scanned her with his omnitool. Physically everything seemed alright, except for the fact that she was unconscious. He might not have killed his commanding officer but who knew what that beacon had done to her? And it was all his fault. He ran another scan. It should be him laying there. He had been stupid enough to approach an active device of alien origin. It should be him. Was stupidity on this scale enough for a demotion?

"How is she?" Williams asked tentatively.

"No changes. When will the Normandy get here? I want Dr. Chakwas to check her ASAP." He carefully positioned her in the lateral recumbent position. There was nothing else he could do for her right now.

"Ten minutes. The Commander submitted the coordinates of Corporal Jenkins and the Turian when she radioed the Normandy. I guess the recovery team had just touched down at your drop site to get the corporal." Ashley gave him a questioning look, suddenly looking very young and vulnerable. "Sir? What am I going to do now? My whole platoon...everybody is gone. What are my new orders? Hell...I...sorry, sir."

"Don't apologize, Chief. You did nothing wrong. If we had been here earlier...Well, that would have been nigh impossible. I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. The Commander probably understands. After all, she's been through the same brand of hell." he fell silent. "As the Commander said, you're with us now. And I am sure the Captain will agree."

"How can she understand what I...wait, is she _that_ Shepard? Elysium and Akuze?" her eyes widened with recognition.

"In the flesh."

"Holy shit! Guess that explains why she is such a force in the field."

They could hear a faint hum in the air, converging on them quickly. A minute later the Normandy touched down and Dr. Chakwas and Captain Anderson came running down the cargo ramp. Kaidan and Ashley both snapped to attention.

"As you were, marines. Alenko, sitrep." Anderson frowned down at the still form of Commander Shepard. The doc had immediately begun examination.

"The Commander got caught in some sort of energy field from the beacon and when it exploded it tossed her here. I couldn't detect any physical damage, but she is unresponsive. Normal dilation of her pupils. Other than that...I wasn't sure what to do, doc. I figured as she is unconscious it would be best to position her in the lateral recumbent position until you arrive." Kaidan had turned towards the doctor as soon as he began his medical report. Now he turned back to the captain. Better get this over with quickly, he thought. "Sir, this is my fault. I ventured to close to the beacon and the Commander had to push me out of the way. I should have kept my distance as soon as I realized the beacon was active."

The captain held up his hand to silence Kaidan.

"Is it safe to move her, doctor?" he inquired.

"It is. The Lieutenant is right. Physically she seems fine. We can move her to the med bay."

Anderson turned to Kaidan again, but his eyes lingered on Ashley for a second. She hesitated. Kaidan cleared his throat and continued speaking.

"This is Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Her entire unit was decimated by the geth. Without her I doubt if we would have made it to the beacon, sir. She has been a real asset for the mission."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We will continue this conversation in my office. Chief, I will contact Alliance brass concerning your further posting. For the time being, welcome on the Normandy." Anderson returned aboard, leaving them to follow. Meanwhile two other crew mates had put Shepard on a stretcher under the careful scrutiny of the doctor and were carrying her to the medbay.

Once aboard Kaidan gave Ashley a short overview of the Normandy. He told her to get some ACUs from the requisitions officer and showed her where she could stow her gear. As soon as Williams was settled he stripped out of his armor and dressed in his ACU, running the report he now had to give the captain through his mind. He really wanted to check the med bay to see how Shepard was doing but it was his duty to report to the Captain first. It took the elevator ages to reach the crew deck. Kaidan shook his head. A state-of-the-art warship and it had an elevator to go down _one_ deck. And said elevator was so slow that, were there a staircase as alternative, everybody would use the stairs instead. Kaidan was sure of that. Unfortunately, there were no stairs from the crew deck down to engineering. This was one of the few things Kaidan thought the designers of the Normandy had screwed up on.

He stepped out of the elevator and instead of heading to the comm room for the post-mission debrief he went to Anderson's office located on the starboard side of the crew deck. He knocked.

"Come in!" Anderson's voice rang out sharply. Kaidan straightened his uniform and stepped through the door.

"What the hell happened down there, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan embarked on his report, trying to recall as many details as possible. He faltered slightly when he came to the demise of Coporal Jenkins and then explained the adjustments he had made in order to be better prepared for the remainder of the mission. The captain nodded and motioned for him to continue. He explained how they had encountered Williams and said he thought she would make a good addition to the team. Kaidan took a deep breath before going on. His voice was flat as he told about the spikes with the impaled victims, turning them into zombie-like husks. It sounded like something from a bad horror movie in his ears. If he hadn't seen it himself he probably wouldn't have believed it. From the frown on Anderson's face he was having trouble doing so, but he didn't interrupt Kaidan.

Kaidan continued, reporting the survivors they had found and where they had stumbled across Nihlus' body. He told the Captain everything Powell had told him and now the Captain interrupted him for the first time.

"Saren? Are you sure the other Turians name was Saren?"

"Yes sir. I'm positive."

The frown on Anderson's face deepened and he bid Kaidan to continue. Kaidan was slowly drawing to the end of his report. He mentioned the different kinds of geth they encountered and the demolition charges that had been set up. Finally he came to the part of his report he had dreaded. The beacon. He unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck before going on.

"After eliminating all hostiles we arrived at the beacon. The Commander radioed the Normandy, confirming the beacon was secure. Gunnery Chief Williams and I stepped closer to the beacon, which appeared to be glowing with a greenish sheen. Williams stated the beacon hadn't been doing anything like that before. She then returned to the Commander. I slowly advanced and had just activated my omnitool to check the readings from the beacon when I felt myself being dragged towards it. As much as I struggled, I couldn't stop." he faltered. "Then there was a sudden impact as the Commander tossed me out of the way. I landed on my back and when I managed to get up again I saw Shepard being pulled towards the beacon and levitated into midair. She hung there like on a crucifix for, I don't know, a minute tops, I would say. Then the beacon exploded, my guess is a system overload, and the Commander was tossed to the ground. I rushed over to check her vitals and ordered Williams to contact the Normandy."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I expect your written report for the brass soon. And Lieutenant? Stop feeling guilty about what happened at the beacon. If you hadn't approached it, somebody else would have. Probably Shepard herself. Dismissed."

Kaidan saluted and went to the mess. He felt a headache coming on, induced through the use of his biotics and not having eaten anything for too many hours. He hoped that grabbing a bite would enough and he wouldn't need to get his medication against migraines. Of course that _would_ be a good excuse to go to the med bay. He hesitated. Just at that moment his stomach growled. Okay, food first. For one thing he could write his report while he was eating.

Kaidan was surprised when the mess sergeant held out a plate to him. He had expected to just grab an energy bar, not real food. Well, as real as it got on an Alliance warship. He thanked the mess sergeant, taking the plate and went to sit at the table. He stared at the food on his plate, lost in thought. He didn't notice that Ashley had also gotten something to eat and had made her way to the table.

"LT? Mind if I sit?" Ashley's question jerked him back to reality.

"Sure, Chief. Go ahead."

They lapsed into silence, both picking at the food on their plates. Kaidan knew he really should eat. His body desperately needed to replenish the calories he had burned of using his biotics on Eden Prime. Apart from that the pain behind his eyes was intensifying.

"I see it's the same Alliance mystery meat here as well." Ashley frowned at the meat, prodding it with her fork.

"What did you expect, Chief? Real meat? Anyway, I've had worse. This stuff is almost edible." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "I even get a double helping, aren't I lucky?"

Ashley grinned at him. "I'm not sure that qualifies as lucky, LT."

"Me neither, Chief, me neither."

Kaidan turned his attention back to the report he had to finish. Re-reading what he had written so far he exhaled audibly. Kaidan wasn't one to swear much but in this case he had to agree with what Shepard had said on Eden Prime. _What a complete and utter clusterfuck_. He realized Ashley was staring at him.

"Something wrong, Chief?" he didn't really feel like talking right now but he sensed Ashley needed to. "I'm sorry, but I would like to finish the mission report. I'm not the best company right now."

"Listen, LT, I know you're blaming yourself for Shepard ending up in the sickbay but you shouldn't. Sure, it wasn't the smartest thing to do..."

He rolled his eyes. "Why,_ thank_ you, Chief. I feel so much better now."

"My pleasure." Ashley completely ignored the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Somebody was going to have to get close to the beacon if it was supposed to be brought aboard, right? You consider that, LT, before playing the blame game with yourself."

"I..." he began. "You're right, Ash. I know that. I just keep seeing her floating in the air, unable to help. I hate it when I feel helpless and I..."

"Worry. And feel guilty."

"Exactly." He looked down. "Listen, thanks for telling me what I already knew. Anderson told me almost the same thing. But if you don't mind I really want to finish this." He tapped the datapad on the table with his fork.

"Sure. Talk to ya later." She picked up her mostly empty plate and waved at him.

Now he could finally finish the dratted report. He had never before had someone under his direct command die and as head of the marine detail Jenkins had been _his, _so to speak. He had to fill out an Alliance form concerning Jenkin's death in the field yet, too. Just writing what happened in his report wasn't enough. Of course not, let's make our soldiers go through the death of their comrades again and again, he thought cynically. _God, why am I complaining? Ash saw her whole platoon die today. How would you deal with that, Alenko?_ He chastised himself. Shepard had seen civilians and marines die during the Batarian raid on Elysium and then lost her whole unit on Akuze. Who knew what baggage she carried. As his thoughts returned to Shepard, so did his guilt. He knew that both Anderson and Ashley were right, that didn't stop him from feeling guilty, though. He obviously had to learn to compartmentalize yet.

He shook his head and finished eating. After pushing back his plate he retook writing the report for the brass. All in all it took him the better part of an hour. With a final glance to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything vital he sent it to Anderson. Kaidan checked the clock on his omnitool. They had been back on the Normandy for almost three hours now. It should be fine to check on the Commander now, right?

He brought away his dirty dishes and headed to the med bay. He could always tell Dr. Chakwas he needed his medication. And it wouldn't even be a lie. The meal had only subdued his headache shortly. Now it was returning in full force. He focused on his breathing as the first wave of nausea washed over him, barely avoiding being sick.

"Kaidan, I had expected to see you earlier." Dr. Chakwas British accent greeted him as soon as he entered the med bay. "How is your head?"

"Throbbing, doc." he admitted.

She frowned at him. "You should have come by at the first sign of a migraine, Lieutenant. I take it you had to use your biotics rather excessively during the mission. Or at least more than usual. Lay down on the bunk there. I want to check if you overtaxed your implant."

As he laid down on the bunk next to Shepard's the guilt he felt hit him again like a hammer. He should be lying there, not her. He should be the one unconscious. He could no longer refrain the question burning on his mind the past three hours. "Doc? How is she? Have there been changes?"

The doctor didn't answer right away. She continued her scan undeterred before looking at Shepard shortly and then to him. "No, Kaidan. Everything is as it has been the last three hours. The only thing is an increase in rapid eye movement. Other than that, nothing."

She gave him a sharp look. "Don't worry. I am sure the Commander will pull through. And stop blaming yourself."

"Why does everyone tell me to stop blaming myself?" he demanded as Chakwas injected his medication.

"Because, young man, I have never seen anyone looking so guilty when there was no call for it. Sleep now, Lieutenant. I am sure Shepard will be awake by then."

He could feel his thoughts becoming unfocused and fuzzy as the medication circulated through his veins, easing the pain and nausea. He knew he would be out of it for at least six hours. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

It was almost seven hours later when he slowly awoke. Things were still hazy, but at least the migraine was gone. Where was he? Why wasn't he in his pod? Memories of the past day returned, tumbling down on him. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. Turning his head to the side he saw Dr. Chakwas standing there looking back over her shoulder as she heard him stir. She turned around.

"Kaidan. How are you?" without awaiting his answer she ran a quick scan and seemed satisfied.

"Better." he looked over at Shepard. Something was different from yesterday. He looked again. Her hair was no longer in the regulation bun she had worn yesterday. It now fell in soft curls onto her shoulders. He resisted the urge of running his fingers through her hair.

"How is she?"

"Her condition is unchanged, Lieutenant. There isn't anything we can do but wait. I suggest you go have breakfast." Dr. Chakwas nearly ushered him out of the med bay. "You can come and check in again later."

"Am I cleared for duty, doc?"

"Light duty, Kaidan."

He nodded and exited the room. With Shepard still down her duties fell into his responsibility. He powered up his console and began screening todays documents. The only message of immediate importance was the reply from Alliance Command concerning Gunnery Chief Williams transfer from her former groundside posting with the 212 to the Normandy. It had been approved of and Kaidan forwarded the message to Anderson's account. He checked the roster and saw it hadn't been updated yet. Of course not, idiot, he told himself. That is your job after all. He marked Jenkin's name as KIA and added Ashley's name to the marine detail, assigning her to weapons maintenance. She should do well at that and he was pretty sure both Shepard and Anderson would agree. He also sent a copy of the updated roster to Anderson.

"Lieutenant. Good to see you are up and about." Kaidan lifted his head to see his CO coming his way.

He stood up to salute but Anderson waved it off.

"Sir, the brass sent approved of William's transfer. I've forwarded the message to your terminal together with the updated roster. If you prefer, I have the new crew roster here." Kaidan handed over the datapad.

"Very good, Alenko. That looks sound." Anderson nodded as his eyes flicked over the datapad. "I suggest you have some downtime until we reach the Citadel."

"Aye-aye, sir." _Great_, Kaidan thought. Now I have time to _think_ again. He hated being stood down.

After a short hesitation he decided to give his parents a call. He hadn't even told them of his transfer yet. They still thought he was on shore leave somewhere and would maybe stop by before returning to duty. Yeah, they would probably want to know what he was up to. He quickly checked the time and figured it was safe to go ahead and give it a try. He went up to the comm room, which was empty now. This way he would have at least a little bit of privacy. He dialed the number on his omnitool.

The slightly fuzzy picture of his mom lit up.

"Kai! Baby, it's good to see you! How is your shore leave?" his mom wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Maybe he shouldn't have called. "When will you be stopping by? Do you want to talk to Dad? You know, the whole family is here over the weekend..."

"Mom!" Kaidan finally managed sharply. "About that, I won't be coming. I've been reassigned. We're heading for the Citadel right now and I don't know where we'll be going after that. I'm not on shore leave anymore. Actually, I never even started shore leave. I'm sorry I'll miss everyone. I just have a minutes downtime and thought I'd let you know. And please stop calling me baby!"

"Who is it, Beth?" his dad called from the other room.

"Adam, it's Kai! He's not coming home!" Elizabeth Alenko told her husband sounding exasperated. Then she turned her attention back to Kaidan. "Your dad wants to talk to you. Try calling in more often, will you sweetie?"

"Sweetie isn't any better than baby, mom. Just call me by my name, as far as I know you chose it, after all." he couldn't help rolling his eyes. His mother had this annoying habit of _not_ calling her children by their names. Kaidan hated it.

His dad appeared. "Kaidan, what's this your mother said? You're not coming home?"

"Sorry Dad, I got reassigned to the Normandy last week under Captain Anderson. We've been pretty busy. And by the looks of it it's going stay that way. Can't say much more." Kaidan shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to your mom. Sometimes I don't think she's happy with your career choice, son." His dad had been an Alliance soldier himself. He had retired after more than twenty years of duty when Kaidan was five. "I'll tell Daniel and Erin you said hi. Take care!"

"Will do. Bye, Dad." Kaidan hung up. He shook his head and exhaled slowly. Sometimes, no, most of the time he just couldn't understand his mother. She knew military life, after all she had married an Alliance soldier. She knew he had no influence on when he received his orders or where these orders sent him. His father was proud of him for enlisting but his mom? Kaidan wasn't sure. Shaking off the thoughts of home his mind returned to Shepard in the med bay. Leaving the comm room he went to Joker first, wanting to know when they would arrive at the Citadel. He had half a mind to sit down at his terminal and work, decided against it though. After Joker told him the ETA he said thank you and headed back to the crew deck. Maybe he could help Dr. Chakwas, or read up on some medical issues. And check on Shepard.

The doctor greeted him with an amused glint in her eyes. She didn't have any work he could help with right now, no. But if he really wanted to brush up his skills as field medic she did have some journals concerning differnt kinds of trauma due to different weapon modifications and ammunition. She turned to her desk and opened a drawer. It was filled with medical journals and after a short search she pulled out five different issues.

"These should be the most beneficial for you as a field medic, Kaidan." she smiled at him, the amused glint he had seen as he entered the med bay flashing in her eyes again. "Why don't you sit at that desk to read. You can take notes then, too. And keep an eye on the Commander."

Kaidan felt slightly embarrassed that he was apparently so easy to see through but he hadn't been lying about being interested in reading the medical journals. He enjoyed being a field medic and used every opportunity to brush up his skills. Choosing Sentinel training had been a no-brainer for him. Almost, anyway. The only other branch he had looked into was Engineer training. In the end he was a Sentinel with all his heart. He got medical training, got to work with tech almost as much as an engineer and learned to use his biotics to bolster his and his squads' defence. Although it looked like he would have to learn to use his biotics in a more offensive way in the future. He thanked Dr. Chakwas quietly and sat down to start reading, his eyes wandering to Shepard every once in a while.

He hadn't been aware of how much time had passed since he had begun reading until a plate with food set on the table in front of him. He looked up from the paper in surprise.

"It's time you ate something again, Kaidan. You've been here close to four hours." the doc said sternly.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks doc." Kaidan replied sheepishly. His stomach chose this moment to rumble loudly and he felt rightfully admonished. Putting the journal to the side he began eating.

After cleaning off the last bit of food from his plate he quickly cleared it away and returned to the med bay to retake his vigil. He had hardly started reading again when he heard a soft groan coming from Shepard. Kaidan quickly got up and moved closer to her bunk. She groaned again, her had twitching to her forehead.

He turned his head and called softly over his shoulder. "Doctor? Dr. Chakwas, I think she's waking up!"


	4. Citadel

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, but it was a real bitch to write. I just couldn't get the words to flow, I don't know why. Serious bout of writer's block, maybe. Of course it probably didn't help that my pc crashed just before saving an almost 900 word update or that my internet connection timed out four(!) times this past week when I tried updating here on ff. Things like that are just bad for my morale. Ok, enough complaining.  
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**As always, Bioware owns ME. **

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><p>Chapter 4. Citadel<p>

Nick groaned again. She opened her eyes and found looking at the ceiling of Normandy's med bay. In a swift, smooth movement she sat up.

"You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?" Dr. Chakwas inquired as she walked past her, coming to a halt in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lieutenant Alenko standing a bit further back.

"Like the morning after shore leave." she admitted, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours." Dr. Chakwas let her know. Shepard's eyes widened momentarily. "Something happened down there with the beacon."

"It was my fault." Kaidan spoke up from his silent post. "I must've triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me outta the way." He looked rather guilty. How long had he been here? She wondered. She gave him a lingering look before answering.

"You had no way of knowing what would happen." she noted the corners of his mouth tugging upward ever so slightly.

Dr. Chakwas watched both of them carefully. She could feel the intensity between the two and asked herself if anyone else had perceived the crackling of the air between them. She wasn't even sure if _they_ were aware of it. It would explain the guilt Kaidan apparently felt and the reason he had spent so many of the past hours in the med bay. She decided to continue speaking.

"Actually we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never have a chance to find out."

Shepard turned back to the doctor, the question _Why?_ written all over her face. Before she could voice it Kaidan began to elaborate.

"The beacon exploded," he explained, "a system overload maybe. The blast knocked you cold. We had to carry you back to the Normandy." Not that we had to carry you far, he added silently. Just up the ramp, more or less.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." she gave him a small smile that made his insides do a somersault. He swallowed, and nodded in return. It was surprising how different she seemed now compared to the cold rage she displayed on the mission. Vulnerable, soft. He wondered often she showed that side in front of other people.

"Physically, you're fine but I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming." the doctor informed her.

Nick looked down at the floor before lifting her head and quietly saying: "More like a nightmare. I...I don't know what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."

The doctor pursed her lips. "Hmm, I'd better add that to my report. It may - oh, Captain Anderson."

The three waited as their CO crossed the room.

"How's our XO holding up?" he inquired.

"All the readings look normal." Chakwas answered. "I'd say the Commander is going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Shepard," he now addressed her directly. "I need to speak to you. In private."

Kaidan saluted. "Aye-aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me."

He headed out. Even as he walked out of the med bay he could still hear the voices of Shepard and Anderson. Outside he saw Ashley standing by the terminal he used when he wasn't in the co-pilot seat. He waved to her but went to stand by the mess table, waiting for Shepard to leave the med bay. He hoped to speak to her. She had already told him not to worry about the incident with the beacon, sure. But he also wanted to know how she felt about the rest of the mission and what was going to happen next. It was a little disturbing when he thought about it but he almost feared he was falling for his XO. That shouldn't happen, Kaidan knew that, but it could. And considering how he felt it apparently had.

He didn't have to wait long for her to leave the med bay. He tried catching her eye and he did, although she turned to speak with Dr. Chakwas first. He supposed she wanted to know if the doctor could give her any hints at what happened to her. Little did he realize that the object of their discussion was something - or someone - completely different. She then moved towards Ashley, welcoming her to the team, as Anderson had informed her about the transfer. Nick agreed with Kaidan's judgment and she was happy he had not hesitated to step up and fulfill XO duties while she had been...indisposed. He had done it on his own account and she valued self-initiative. To be more exact: knowing when self-initiative was in order and when not. Kaidan was unaware that he was being evaluated for a promotion to Lieutenant Commander and the position of a XO. Cosidering his impressive list of recommendations it was surprising it hadn't happened earlier. So far the only thing she didn't understand was why he didn't use his biotics more frequently. Maybe that had been a set-back. After she had told him off for that half-hearted throw he had proved her assessment right by unfurling some truly remarkable biotics.

On her last mission she had worked together with a biotic who had just been assigned to her unit. He had been the exact opposite of Kaidan, always using his biotics and only relying on his pistol if it was absolutely necessary. Nick was determined to find out what the problem was sooner or later.

Finally, she walked over to him.

"Commander, good to see you're ok. Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew, I'm glad we didn't lose you too."

"Yeah," she sighed, "things got pretty rough down there. How're you holding up?"

"Ok. It's tough seeing dead civilians. Just doesn't seem right somehow." he lets out a huff. "At least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony."

"Me? Was I down there alone? I'm fairly certain I had this sentinel with me covering my six." Nick's eyes flashed, daring him to contradict her.

Kaidan tried not to squirm under the scrutiny of those blue eyes. "Well, yeah...I guess. We're marines, we stick together, ma'am."

"You guess? Damn right, we stick together." she leaned a bit closer to him, her eyes boring into his. "Listen to me, Alenko. Without you I couldn't have done it, got me? I wouldn't have even gotten to Ash and we all would've been fucked. And the two of us couldn't have made it to the beacon without Ash because I know I wouldn't have been able to keep all the damn geth off your back while you were disabling those bloody detonation charges. So don't tell me_ I_ saved the colony. _We_ did!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Nick's eyebrows traveled up her forehead. "I mean Commander." Kaidan corrected himself.

Her gaze softened as she started speaking again. "I just wish I could've done something to save Jenkins."

Kaidan shook his head. "I was there, Commander. You did everything right. It was just," he paused for a mere moment, fishing for the proper expression,"bad luck."

"It was my mistake, I should've never let him take point."

"You couldn't have known that." Kaidan shook his head again. "Anyway, hell of a shakedown run. I mean, one Spectre shooting another? The Citadel Council isn't gonna be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions outta the Alliance."

"You heard that, huh? Guess Anderson and I spoke louder than we thought." she chuckled softly. "You seem to have a good grasp of the politics we have to struggle through. You a career man?"

He smirked slightly, pulling one corner of his mouth up to a lop-sided smile. "A lot of biotics are. We sure as heck don't go undocumented, so I might as well get a paycheck for it. And anyway, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted. Eventually."

Shepard couldn't help but wonder about the last comment. Her, no, _the_ Lieutenant was something of a mystery to her. She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, frowning. "Huh, I'd wanted to eat something before we reach the Citadel but I guess I can screw that. On the other hand it means I have a good excuse of eating some real food there." She turned and waved Ashley over. As soon as Ashley had made her way over Shepard looked at them with a grin.

"Ever been to the Citadel, either of you?" Ashley shook her head, Kaidan nodded. "Let's go and enjoy the view!" With that she turned and beckoned them to follow her as she climbed the stairs to the command deck.

The three entered the helm and Joker turned his head towards Shepard.

"Just in time, Commander. I was just gonna bring us in to the Citadel. Time to see that tax payer money at work!"

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><p>A short while later the Normandy had docked and Captain Anderson ordered Shepard, Alenko and Williams to accompany him to a meeting with the human councilor, Donnel Udina. It was obvious though that their CO was not exactly in a hurry to get there. The meeting had been scheduled at 0845 and it was now almost 0915. When they arrived at the councilor's office they found him throwing angry accusations at the Citadel Council. Anderson mildly raised an eyebrow and motioned his ground team to wait a few paces off to the side. Udina reminded Shepard a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum because it didn't get any candy at the store. Guessing from the expressions on Kaidan's and Ashley's faces they felt the same. No sooner had Udina cut the connection with the Council when he rounded on Anderson in a condescending tone. Shepard tensed visibly as he scoffed at the CO for having brought the ground team from the mission on Eden Prime. Anderson on the other hand seemed unfazed. Nick walked close to Anderson and Udina.<p>

"I don't give a rat's ass if the Council wants to go after Saren or not. I will!"

"Settle down, Commander! You've done enough to jeopardize your entry into the Spectres! The mission was a complete disaster."

Nick was going to retort sharply but a raised hand from Anderson refrained her.

"That wasn't Shepard's fault!"

Udina sniffed, clearly disagreeing. After telling them to attend the following Council meeting in his sneering, condescending way he left. Anderson turned to his ground team. Shepard had a look of utmost loathing on her face as she turned from Udina's retreating form to her captain. He shook his head ever so slightly.

"And that's why I hate politicians." Ashley spoke up.

Kaidan remained silent, but the frown tugging at the corners of his mouth indicated he agreed with her. Shepard also remained silent. Her silence was not a contemplating one, unlike Kaidan's. Her silence resembled the calm before a storm. She waited for her captain to say his part.

"Udina certainly didn't help our case." Anderson began. "The hearing starts at 1100. That gives you a little more than an hour to look around and maybe grab something to eat. And Shepard - be on time! I know how much this whole thing rubs you the wrong way and I know how you react to things like this. I'm reminding you once: You're an Alliance officer. Don't forget it. I'll see you at 1100. Dismissed."

Nick drew in a slow, deep breath, held it and exhaled just as slowly.

"Commander, sounds like you've gotten in trouble for something before." Ashley raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Yeah." Nick grunted, clearly unhappy. "It's been a while though. Come on, let's find something to eat and maybe I'll give you a small tidbit of Veronika Shepard's fuck-ups. If I remember right there's a bar not far from here or we head to the wards. Might be more interesting."

She turned and walked out of the office.

Not long afterwards they had found a smallish bar that offered comfort food. Sitting down in a corner they picked up the menus and quickly chose.

"Are we on duty, Commander? Or can we have somethin' alcoholic?" Ashley asked.

"We're on duty, Chief. And it's not even 1000." Shepard answered, frowning. "As tempting as a stiff drink sounds I don't drink before 1200. So, food and non-alcoholic beverages only. Maybe we can grab drinks after the damn hearing. Something tells me we'll need 'em then."

"Food sounds good enough." Kaidan stated, scanning the menu. He looked up to see Shepard wink at him. He swallowed and dropped his eyes back to the menu. After punching in their order they sat back. Shepard fished something out of her pocket. Earplugs, Kaidan realized.

"I need a few minutes, then we'll talk." Nick told them, adjusting the headset. After choosing a song from her omnitool she leaned back and closed her eyes. The music was loud enough for both Kaidan and Ashley to listen along. They watched in fascination as their XO played air guitar while sitting there, eyes closed, nodding with the music. She listened to two songs before the food and drinks came. She waited until the waiter had set everything down and left again. "I have...anger issues, I guess they call it. Got me into a spot of trouble a couple of times, the last time was after Akuze."

She stopped, turning her glass in her hands. "Anderson just reminded me to keep my temper in check. After Akuze he bailed me out of jail after destroying a bar, more or less. Well, I didn't do it alone but my actions were the spark that set everything off. I was out with some friends and these guys tried getting a little too friendly with Becka and me. Matt and Trev were getting our drinks and Chris was talking to somebody he knew with his back turned to us. Anyway, these guys wouldn't take no for an answer and got pushy. I could've easily taken care of them without injuring anyone but I was drunk and on edge and smashed my glass on one guys head. He called me a bitch and I twisted his arm and pushed him face first into the wall. Thing was, these guys weren't alone. Long story short: We ended up fighting a full-grown bar brawl. The only reason I didn't get into a shitload of trouble was that we could provide witnesses confirming it was self-defense, that they had pushed and hadn't backed off. I got sent to a councilor after that who diagnosed me with, uh, light PTSD and I had to go to some anger management courses. I went through therapy for half a year, then I told Anderson and Hackett I'd go stir crazy if I didn't get to go on missions again." she paused. "Haven't been on a real shore leave since, nothing longer than an odd weekend here and there. Yeah."

"What about the guys harassing you and your friend?" Kaidan asked, looking upset. "Didn't they get some kind of punishment? And why did you have to go through anger management because of those jerks? They deserved it."

Ashley snorted and Nick gave him an almost amused look. "I didn't have to go through therapy because of them but because I was diagnosed with PTSD. And anyway, this may be the 22. century, but men still get away with a lot more than women. They got their fingers rapped and the Alliance sent them home with a warning. On the other hand, my friends can't complain either. None of them had to face any charges once we were bailed out. And I just had to do the counseling shit. It's sweet of you to come to my defense, but the thing is I overreacted. There were other options of dealing with the situation." She shrugged.

It was obvious that Kaidan knew she was right but he still thought those guys had gotten off way to easy. "Maybe. I still think they got what was coming."

Shepard glanced at her omnitool. Her, _damn it, the_ Lieutenant made her feel strangely warm and fuzzy. She cleared her throat. "Ok, folks. It's time to move out."

They made their way to the council chambers where they overheard to turians arguing over Saren. Shepard stopped to talk with one of them, a C-Sec officer named Garrus Vakarian. She was surprised to learn he was responsible for finding evidence against Saren and was furios that his boss wouldn't give him more time.

"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe the Council will listen to you!" Vakarian waved good-bye and stomped off muttering.

While Kaidan and Ashley talked about the symbolic behind the design of the council chamber Shepard wondered if they could truly hope to receive any help from the council. Anderson was waiting for them already and they followed him swiftly up the last flight of stairs.

When they turned to leave sometime later their hopes were all but shattered. The council believed Saren and Nick had almost lost her temper listening to them deny everything she told them. She swore she would wipe that smirk off Saren's face the next time they met. Preferably with a close-range shot straight in his face.

Udina had rounded on Anderson as soon as they had walked down the first flight of stairs, blaming him for his history with Saren. It made the council think they were biased, he said. Nick had to admit she was rather interested in that point as well and feared the councilor was right, but that didn't mean a complete jackass like Udina had any right to talk to Anderson like that. Then he had the gall to tell her to seek out a corrupt C-Sec officer to help with the investigation. After Udina had left she turned to Anderson, the rage at the Council still burning in her eyes.

"Captain, can I speak off the record?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"Private or business-off-the-record?" Anderson retorted.

Shepard pursed her lips. "Private."

Anderson nodded tersely.

"What the fuck happened, Uncle Dave?" Nick demanded. Ashley shot a questioning look at Kaidan. Uncle Dave? she mouthed. Kaidan gave a slight nod and a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders. Nick asked about his mission with Saren and looked a little disappointed when Anderson just said it had been a mission that went bad, really bad. She had clearly hoped for more input. She almost took a step back in surprise when Anderson told her to look for Harkins.

"I thought you just said he was a no-use low-life suspended because of several charges against him?"

"He is. But he also has his ears close to the ground. I'm not thrilled about this either, but I can't think of anybody else who might be able to help. And Nick? Try not to kill him"

Shepard snorted. "That bad, huh?"

"What about that C-Sec investigator we met on our way here? Garrus Vakarian?" Kaidan interrupted.

"Good thinking, Alenko. I had forgotten all about him. He sure seemed pissed enough that he was drawn off the case." Nick looked back at him thoughtfully. Then she turned back to Anderson asking about any other leads. The only other possibility he could think of as Barla Von, a contact to the Shadow Broker.

"The Shadow Broker?" Ashley sounded doubtful.

"An information broker, Chief. Or rather _the_ information broker." Anderson explained.

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair. "Well, I guess we should get back to business, right Captain? We'll try to find as much evidence as possible with as little damage as possible. No promises, though."

Anderson dismissed them and Nick led the way to the wards wordlessly.

"What's the plan, Commander?" Kaidan's gravelly voice cut through her thoughts.

She stopped and turned around to face her team. "I haven't decided yet, but my first choice is going to Chora's Den. We know Harkins is there and we _don't_ know where Vakarian is. No use wandering around aimlessly."

* * *

><p>Shortly before reaching Chora's Den they were ambushed by a group of thugs. The thugs were no big problem as such but after searching their corpses for evidence Kaidan said what the others were thinking.<p>

"These were Saren's men, Commander. We must be on the right track."

"So it would seem, Lieutenant." Nick replied. She looked at the entrance of Chora's Den. Was the owner of this _gentlemen's club _in league with Saren?

The flashing lights and the thudding beat of the - Nick hesitated to call it so - music of Chora's Den assailed them as soon as the doors opened.

"A million light years from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on stage. I can't decide whether that's funny or sad." Ashley scoffed.

"What? You don't think they're here because of the food?" Kaidan deadpanned. "I can see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh,view."

"Hey Lieutenant? Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it." Ashley shot back.

"I believe the Lieutenant is being sarcastic, Chief." Shepard commented. _He damn better be. _She looked around for Harkin but sometimes being short was a definite disadvantage. The other two were quite a bit taller than she was, Ashley maybe an inch shorter than Kaidan. "Either of you see our target?"

They replied in the negative but as they rounded the bar Kaidan suddenly said "What about that guy at 11 o'clock? Sitting at a table by himself?"

Nick nodded and strode to the table. She had no sooner come to a stop in front of Harkin when looked her up and down with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He licked his lips before saying "Lookin' for some fun, sweetheart? I've gotta say that soldier get-up looks pretty good on that bod of yours. Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down right here and we see where it goes?"

Kaidan felt the urge to throw him through the room. He clenched and unclenched his fist, willing down his biotics. He was sure Shepard could handle the situation herself and probably wouldn't want him to interfere. Shepard just raised her eyebrows an infinitesimal fraction and crossed her arms in front of her body.

"I'd rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade." was her response. Kaidan grinned but quickly replaced the grin with a neutral expression. Ashley was disgusted with Harkins and made no effort hiding her feelings.

Harkins leaned back with a smirk, watching her with a leery expression. "You trying to hurt my feelings? You'll have to come up with something better than that, princess. I've been called every name in the book during my time with C-Sec." Kaidan and Ashley both had to try hard not to bristle at the way this man was staring at their commander.

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor." Shepard replied cooly, shifting her stance. "Just tell me where Garrus is."

"Garrus? You're one of Anderson's people. Is he still trying to bring down Saren? To bad he got his ass kicked out of the Spectres." He added slyly. "He didn't tell you that, did he?"

Nick managed to keep a straight face. "Not of importance." she waved his comment off. "Just tell me where to find Garrus."

"Oh, but it's all related, don't you see?" He then told them that Anderson had been a spectre working together with Saren and that it was his fault for a mission gone wrong. He wore an overly smug expression as he told them of Anderson's dealings with Saren. Nick asked a few more questions before getting back to the point.

"I've had enough of this. Tell me where Garrus is NOW." in a swift movement she pulled her pistol and pointed it at Harkins.

"Alright! Alright! Calm down, missy. He was heading up to Dr. Michel's, that little clinic on the upper wards!"

Shepard turned on her heel and started walking away, Kaidan and Ashley following. As they left Chora's Den Ashley quietly asked: "Do you think he was telling the truth about the Captain?"

"Harkins is an ass." Kaidan replied. "Maybe he was just messing with our heads."

"Maybe, LT. But I'd like to know what's going on here." Ashley stated.

"Wouldn't we all, Chief." Shepard threw in casually. She led them past some market stalls and up a flight of stairs only to hear an excited voice.

"Oh my god, it's really you! Commander Shepard! Commander Shepard!" a blonde man was frantically waving to get her attention. She sighed and headed over, ignoring the snicker coming from Ashley.

She shook her head as they left an exuberant Conrad Verner in their wake. It was completely beyond her why anyone would want her autograph. It almost disturbed her more than Harkins suggestive stares. Her squad obviously found it amusing. At least Ashley. She was laughing quietly at Shepard ever since they had heard Verner's enthusiastic hails. Kaidan had smiled at first but then had seem to notice Nick's discomfort. They walked on. Suddenly Nick swerved to the side, heading for an observation platform. There she leaned against the rail, staring at the view in front of her. Ashley took place next to her, Kaidan on Ashley's far side and for a moment they were silent.

"Big place." Kaidan finally said. Jeez, Alenko, couldn't you think of anything better? Big place, really.

Ashley turned her head towards him with a smirk."Is that your professional opinion, sir?"

"He's right, Chief. This isn't a station, it's a city. It's bigger than I imagined."

"There must be millions here. There's no way they can track everyone coming and going!" Kaidan looked amazed.

"It makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john and that's the largest deep space station the Alliance has." Ashley said. She almost sounded envious.

"Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole 'nother scale! Just look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass together without it flying apart?" Kaidan wondered, always the tech. He didn't see Shepard smile to herself.

"The council represents more races then I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers. We're going to have to work hard to live up to expectations." Nick added thoughtfully.

"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together."

"Or maybe they just don't like humans." Ashley snorted. Shepard shot her a short look.

"Why not? What's not to like? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids we've got everything they want." Shepard said.

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you." Kaidan said. A barely perceivable silence followed his words and then his ears caught up with his mouth. He turned to see Ashley grinning at him and Shepard looked almost stunned. "I mean us. Humans, ma'am." He looked away again, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt himself blush. Great, Alenko. Just great. Now your XO probably thinks you're a complete fool.

"You don't take much leave, do you, LT?" Ashley teased.

Nick cleared her throat. "Alright, laugh it up, Chief." she lifted her gaze to look straight at Kaidan. "I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

"Uh, aye-aye ma'am. Commander. Shepard." Kaidan felt his face burning with embarrassment.

"I'll walk drag, ma'am." Ashley made no effort of concealing her amusement about her two superior officers. It was kind of obvious to her that the lieutenant was dead gone on the commander. And now she couldn't help but wonder if their feelings were mutual. She watched them lead the way. Kaidan's blush was fading and Shepard was all business as she continued toward the clinic. Ashley decided she would watch and give a helping hand where necessary.

They came to the little clinic and all thought of friendly banter was banned as soon as the door opened to reveal a young doctor being held at gunpoint. They saw Garrus crouching behind a pillar, barred from the assailant's view.

"Where is the quarian?" the aggressor snarled at the doctor. Then he became aware of the newcomers. "And who are you?"

Garrus used this momentary lapse of attention to place a perfect headshot and the man dropped dead. His cronies on the other hand foolishly started shooting. It cost them dearly as they were no match for the three marines and the C-Sec officer. Shepard holstered her gun and strode over to Garrus and the doctor, whom she figured to be Dr. Michel.

"What the hell were you thinking? You could've hit the hostage!" Nick demanded. "But still, nice shooting."

Garrus looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't think...Sometimes you get lucky..." he stuttered, then he turned to the doctor. "I'm sorry, Dr. Michel. Did you get hurt?"

The doctor said she was fine, just scared. After a few questions they learned that the men had worked for Fist and were looking for a quarian that had visited the clinic a few days earlier. Dr. Michel told them Fist worked for the Shadow broker, which Garrus contradicted.

"Not anymore. He works for Saren now." This comment earned a lot of surprise from everyone. After another short conversation it became obvious they would have to find this quarian, as she possibly had evidence against Saren. And to find her they had to find Fist.

"Didn't that krogan - what was his name, Wrex? - say he was going after Fist?" Kaidan asked. "Maybe we should look for him."

Nick nodded. "Good point, Alenko."

"Wrex?" Garrus looked at him. "He's down at c-Sec for questioning. Maybe we can get there before he leaves."

"We? You coming along or what?" Ashley rudely demanded.

"To take down Saren? Yes!" Garrus shot back. "He is a traitor and a disgrace to all turians!"

Nick held up her hands. "Hold it, you two. Garrus, welcome aboard. Bring us to C-Sec. The lieutenant is right, maybe Wrex will want to join us. Chief, you head back Anderson and give him an update." Nick had the feeling Ashley had some sort of issues when it came to aliens. She would have to address that later. Kaidan obviously had less problems working together with aliens. Ashley saluted and marched off. Nick turned to Kaidan and Garrus and gave them a curt nod.

Now they just had to find a krogan and a quarian.


	5. Spectre

**A/N: Sorry, this took longer than anticipated, even with considering the holidays and all. I was almost ready to publish when I decided to do a major rewrite of the middle part. Also, I wrote large parts of this chapter on my smartphone, so ****please ignore the mistakes. Thanks :)  
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**Bioware still owns ME.**

**And thank you Vorcha Girl, AngstyShenko and guest for your reviews! **

* * *

><p>5. Spectre<p>

Garrus lead the way to C-Sec headquarters and they indeed got lucky there. Wrex was talking to a couple of C-Sec officers in the atrium. Nick stood back watching the exchange and then walked up to him unabashed. The krogan practically towered over her as he turned to face her.

"What do you want?" he rumbled, eying her uniform suspiciously.

Nick looked at her fingernails and shrugged nonchalantly as she glanced up to him. "I'm going after Fist and thought you might want to come along."

"And who are you?" he stared at the small female human. She squared her shoulders, her posture now taking a clearly military stance.

"I'm Commander Shepard, Sys..."

"Commander Shepard? Aye, I've heard of you. You're a warrior, Shepard, so let me give you a fair warning." he brought his face close to hers. "I am going to kill Fist." She still didn't flinch, but stood her ground and stared back at him levelly. Wrex was quite impressed. And surprised. He had imagined the famous Commander Shepard to be taller.

"It'll be easier if we work together." Garrus spoke up. "But our best guess would be Chora's Den. He owns the place after all."

Wrex turned his head away from Shepard to study the other two accompanying her. A turian and a male human, hmpf. The human male was watching him warily. Wrex wasn't worried. He was certain neither the turian nor the male Alliance soldier were a match for him. It might be interesting to see what this Shepard girl could do though. There were plenty of rumors concerning her. He was sure not many humans could fight off a Thresher Maw. Or hold off an entire platoon by themselves. He wanted to see what was so special about this young woman that seasoned Alliance soldiers seemed awed as soon as her name was mentioned. "You might be right. Ok, Shepard. We have a saying 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'."

She grinned and stuck out her hand. "I think we'll get along just fine, Wrex."

Shepard stepped back. She would have to send someone to Anderson again. She looked at her three companions, considering her options. She didn't know much about Wrex's battle skills so there was only one way to find out. Or Garrus' apart from the fact that he was a decent shot. The resulting conclussion therefore was obvious.

"Lieutenant," she turned towards Kaidan, "please inform Captain Anderson that I have gone with Officer Vakarian and Wrex to follow a promising lead."

For a split second Kaidan's eyes flicked over to Garrus and Wrex and he looked like he was going to question her order. The moment passed so quickly she thought it must have been her imagination. His face was a mask of perfect professionalism as he saluted. "Aye-aye, Commander. I don't think I could handle Chora's Den twice in one day anyway."

She laughed quietly and then watched his retreating form as Kaidan headed towards the presidium before turning back to Garrus and Wrex. "As much as I agree with Lieutenant Alenko, I am afraid we won't be able to forego the _pleasure_ of another visit at Chora's Den. Let's go."

* * *

><p>The silence down by Chora's Den was suspicious enough already. The fact that the doors were firmly shut only added to that sensation.<p>

"They know we're coming." Garrus hissed under his breath.

"Sure looks like it." Nick hesitated as her hand hovered over her shotgun. Instead she pulled out her sniper rifle.

As soon as the doors slid open their welcoming committee opened fire. Nick ducked behind a halfwall, popping up only to take down a mercenary. Garrus did the same. Wrex had pulled a shotgun and barreled right in. When Nick realized she had to change positions she also pulled her shotgun. It was just to confined in Chora's Den for decent sniping. She sprinted to the next cover.

After clearing out the mercenaries in the main room they came to the doors leading to Fists' office. The doors opened to reveal two warehouse workers pointing pistols at them. "Workers, all real guards must be dead." Garrus whispered.

"You can't go in here!" one almost squealed. The hand holding his pistol was shaking.

Nick raised her eyebrows. "I think you should reconsider your line of work. I just killed a shitload of mercs to get here. What do you think I could do to you?"

"Uh, I'm not getting paid enough for shit like this." Both warehouse workers holstered their guns and made for the exit.

"Good choice." Nick called after them.

"It would've been quicker just to shoot them." Wrex grumbled.

"You can't solve all problems by shooting things." Garrus replied.

"Bollocks, Vakarian. Sometimes trigger-happy is the only way to go." Wrex firmly stated. Nick chuckled softly, shaking her head as she headed for the next door and found it locked. Shit. Maybe she shouldn't have sent Alenko away after all. She was really bad at overriding locks. Not that she couldn't do it at all but they wanted to find this quarian yet _today_. Luckily, she wasn't alone.

"Can one of you guys override this damn lock?" she asked pointing at the offending object. Garrus strode forwards and open his omnitool. He made short work of the lock and the door slid open. Shepard thanked him. "You're a tech, Garrus? Good to know."

At last they found Fist in his office. Unfortunately he had two mounted turrets on either side of his office which started firing as soon as Nick had passed into range. She dove back into cover. "Garrus! Overload!"

While Garrus overloaded one turret she and Wrex took out the other with their shotguns. They walked up to Fist who was grovelling on the ground. Nick didn't waste any time. "Where's the quarian?"

"I...I have no idea who you're talking about..." he stammered.

Nick pointed her shotgun at his knees. "Wrong answer." she snarled, " Now, if you feel partial to your kneecaps I suggest you start talking."

The threat obviously worked. Fist told them about this young quarian who had asked to meet the Shadow Broker, claiming she had some interesting information. He had told her he would set up a meeting which was supposed to take place shortly in an alley on the lower wards. Wrex scoffed at that, saying even he was contacted by a contractor. Fist finally admitted it was a trap. Shepard narrowed her eyes.

"But i..if you hurry you can still get there in time!" he told them. Nick nodded her head in acquiescence. As she turned to go Wrex walked up to Fist and shot him.

"What the...?" Nick and Garrus whipped around.

"I had a contract to fulfil. I don't leave my jobs half done." Wrex said plainly.

Nick ran a hand through her hair. "I get that. And he really had it coming. But we don't shoot unarmed people. If they are criminals - as Fist was - we hand them over to the authorities. And now we better get moving." As she was just about to leave her eyes fell on a disc. On a hunch she pocketed it. Who knew what kind of evidence might be on it?

As they headed to the alley where the set-up for the quarian was they encountered new waves of mercenaries. Nick desperately wished she had some grenades to clear the path quicker. Once they had shot their way through the mercs they ran to the alley Fist had told them about. They arrived in time to witness the quarian ask where the Shadow Broker was. After refusing to hand over the data Saren's men attacked her. She reacted quickly by throwing a grenade and suddenly realized she had back-up in form of a woman, a turian and a krogan.

"Fist set me up!" the quarian fumed as soon as the last opponent was taken care of. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted him."

"Yeah. Don't worry about Fist, he got what he deserved. Did you get hurt?"Shepard asked, looking the young quarian up and down. It didn't look like she was injured.

"I can take care of myself! Not that I don't appreciate the help. And it is nice I don't have to be concerned about Fist. But...who are you, anyway?" The young woman backed away slowly, keeping a wary eye on them.

"Commander Shepard, Systems Alliance Navy. I am looking for evidence against Saren." Nick properly introduced herself.

"Then I have the chance to repay you for saving my life." the quarian replied. "But not here. It is too...open here."

"What about at the human embassy's office? I'm sure the your ambassador will want to hear of this." Garrus suggested.

"You're right. Let's head back." Shepard looked at everyone for a moment and went on her way.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Kaidan made his way back to the presidium to inform Anderson. He was fairly sure he knew why the commander had sent him back with the message. She probably wanted to see both Garrus and Wrex in action, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Personally he found the decision too risky. Wait, why exactly was he worried? She was an N7. And Garrus a C-Sec officer. And Wrex..<em>.Just can it, Alenko. She'll be<em> fine.

As he walked into the embassies he saw Ashley sitting on a bench in the foyer. She raised an eyebrow quizzically when she saw him approaching alone. Ashley got up and wandered in his direction.

"What are you doing here, LT? Where's Shepard?" she looked passed him as if expecting Shepard to emerge behind him any second.

"She's giving Chora's Den another visit. This time with Garrus and Wrex." his answer was short and crisp. He didn't need Ashley's comments just now. He knew she wouldn't like it. Not that it mattered. He really liked her but she had the habit of second-guessing her officers and at the moment he found that really annoying.

"WHAT? How could you..."Ashley glared at him. She seemed really upset.

"It was her decision, Chief. I understand her motive, really. Doesn't mean I like it, Ash. If the Captain disagrees and chews me out for obeying a direct order, then so be it." He kept on walking towards Udinas' office, Ashley following closely.

He knocked and then opened the door. The councilor and Anderson turned to see who had entered the room. Kaidan snapped off a text-book salute and informed the captain of Shepards' decision.

"At ease, Lieutenant. That sounds like something Shepard would do. We'll just have to wait until she shows up herself." Anderson nodded at him. "Have a seat. Both of you."

"Wait!" Udina demanded. "I just got a message about an all-out fire fight in Chora's Den. Can't she do anything without leaving a path of destruction?"

They didn't have to wait long before Shepard walked in - without knocking - followed by Garrus, Wrex and a Quarian.

"Commander!" Udina demanded, "do you have any idea how much trouble you are causing? Fire fights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora's Den?...Who's that?"the councilor had noticed the young quarian.

"Keep your hat on." Nicks tone was icy. "Before jumping down my throat maybe you should know she has evidence that can help us bring down Saren."

"Really?" Udina nearly sneered at her. It was obvious he didn't believe her. Shepard just stared at him and was satified when the ambassador broke eye contact first as he turned tolook at the young quarian. "Maybe we could start at the beginning, Miss...?"

"My name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." the quarian answered.

"What are you doing on the Citadel?" Udina asked. "We don't see many quarians here, they rarely leave the Flotilla."

"I was on my pilgrimage, a rite of passage into adulthood." Tali explained as she saw the puzzled expressions. "When we reach maturity we leave the ships of our parents and our people behind and search the stars only to return to the Flotilla when we have found something of value, be it resources,or knowledge,or something else that may prove useful to the Flotilla. During my travels I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people from the homeworld the geth never ventured beyond the veil. I was curious. I encountered some geth and managed to disable one and salvage this from its memory core."

"I thought geth memory cores got fried when they died. Somekind of defence mechanism." Anderson's brow furrowed.

"That is correct. But if you are quick, careful and lucky and know what you are doing it is possible to salvage small caches of data." Tali sounded very confident. "After all, we built the geth. Anyway, I managed to salvage something off of one of the audio banks." She lit up her omnitool and played the audio data she had salvaged.

"_Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit_." a turian voice said, followed by a female voice saying "_And one step closer to the return of the Reapers_."

"The first voice was Saren's." Anderson told them."but who was the woman?"

"I didn't recognize the voice." Udina said, shaking his head.

Shepard made a face. "Saren said the beacon brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit? What is the Conduit? And what are these Reapers the woman talks about?"

Tali explained that the Reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50 000 years ago according to the geth memory core. They hunted the protheans to total extinction and then vanished. "At least, that's what the geth believe." Tali finished. "The geth revere the reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren can bring the Reapers back."

Udina hmpfed. "That seems a little far fetched."

"No." Shepard shook her head. "The vision from the beacon on Eden Prime? I understand it now. It showed the protheans being wiped out by the Reapers." She shuddered as she thought about the vision she had from the beacon.

"The Council is just going to love this." Udina looked decidedly unhappy about the prospect of having to inform the Council.

"The Reapers are a threat to every known species. They have to know." Nick was not fond of the Council, but this information was too valuable to withold. She couldn't believe the human councilor even considered not informing them about this.

"That aside, these audio files prove Saren's involvement on Eden Prime." Anderson mentioned. They all agreed on that and Udina told them he and Anderson would go ahead and prepare everything for the Council. "Take a few minutes to collect yourselves and then meet us in the tower."

Tali offered her help and Nick gladly accepted, if a little hesitantly. Shepard inquired if it wouldn't interfere with Tali's pilgrimage. After being reassured that was no issue - quite the opposite, actually - she agreed.

While they were waiting to be heard by the council for the second time in one day they had some time to look around the Citadel some more. Shepard told Garus, Wrex and Tali they could either join her, Kaidan and Ashley or settle in on the Normandy or wait for them in the Council chamber. She was surprised to hear all three aliens wanted to wait until after the hearing. Well, maybe she wasn't that surprised. She would most likely have done the same, wanting to know what was going to happen next.

Kaidan and Ash on the other hand joined her on her stroll through the Presidium. Nick decided to visit Barla Von, even if Wrex was already part of her team now. Maybe the Shadow Broker contact would have some other lead yet. They also met the Consort and Nick found herself agreeing to try to persuade a turian General to drop the defamations he had been spreading. She didn't quite feel comfortable around the asari consort. When the asari had caressed her face she had stiffened, not knowing what to expect. Nick did not like being touched by people she didn't know. It felt almost as though Shaira was trying to seduce her. Well, that wouldn't work. Nick was not into asari, or other females. She had tried a dating a woman once but had quickly realized that something was lacking. She wanted a man when it came to certain..._things_. And the way the asari consort touched her face and then hugged her was usually reserved for people she was much more _intimate_ with.

She was also unaware of Kaidan's or Ashley's reactions to the intimacy the Consort showed towards her as they stood a few feet behind her. He tried to hide his discomfort but couldn't quite keep his fists from curling as he stepped from one foot to the other. and Ashley looked as though she had an unpleasant taste in her mouth. Neither of them were happy with the lack of respect the Consort showed for their XO.

As they continued their stroll through the Presidium they came across a Hanar arguing with a turian C-Sec officer. Shepard slowed down to listen in a little. Eventually she shrugged her shoulders and walked on at her usual pace. Surely the C-Sec officer would manage to take care of the Hanar on his own. She checked her omnitool. Still no message from Anderson. Well, then they could head to the wards yet, too, right?

"Lieutenant, do you have any idea if we need any medical provisions?" Shepard asked over her shoulder as she walked towards Dr. Michels' clinic.

"I don't know of anything specific, ma'a...Commander." He corrected himself again quickly as soon as he saw her eyebrows shoot up. He couldn't help but notice that her eyes looked more stormy grey than blue from this angle. He glanced over at Ashley who was grinning at him. _Of course_. "It never hurts to stock up on medi-gel, though."

"My thoughts exactly." Nick shot him a quick smile.

Shepard walked into the clinic only to see a clearly troubled doctor talking to somebody who seemed less than friendly. She sighed. "Why is it that everytime I come here you seem to be in some kind of trouble, Doctor?"

The doctor tried to play it down but after a look in Nick's face decided to tell them what was going on after all. As soon as she had finished explaining Nick stretched out her hand. "Give me the supplies. We'll take care of it. And I promise you won't be bothered anymore when I am done with them."

"I suppose it is probably best not to ask what you plan on doing." Dr. Michel handed over a package with supplies. Nick just nodded her head in consent. It seemed to her that the doctor was in over her ruddy head. A small voice in her head was saying she should just tell Dr. Michel tough luck and walk away but Nick liked helping people. So she took the package and headed to the sales booths on the Lower Wards. On their way she was hailed again by an asian looking woman whom she had noticed trying to get her attention earlier that day already. It probably wouldn't hurt to stop there for a minute. After all, knowing her luck she would still be there on their way back to the clinic.

Funny, how things work out, she mused as they left a very happy reporter after Nick had given her the disc she had found in Fists' office. And it was kind of nice to have a journalist in her debt. Sort of. Her omnitool beeped. She opened it and read the message Anderson had sent her.

_The Council is ready for you. 10 minutes, Nick. _

"Looks like the doctor's problem is going to have to wait. Apparently the Council is prepared to hear us again." Shepard altered her course and started jogging towards a rapid transit terminal, hailing a cab to bring them to the Citadel Tower.

* * *

><p>A while later Shepard found herself inducted into the Spectres. The turian councilor wasn't thrilled about it but he complied. There was a brief induction ceremony with much less pomp than she had expected. Not that she was complaining or that it lacked pathos. Nick hated official ceremonies. Especially if she was the, ah, guest of honor. <em>Spectres are trained, not chosen...Spectres are an ideal, a symbol...protectors of galactic peace, both the first and last line of defense...<em> She replayed the councilors' words in her mind. _No pressure, huh?_ Now she was supposed to bring down Saren and she fully intended to do so. Maybe she could shove a grenade launcher up his ass and...ok, that might be overkill, but it sure as hell sounded tempting. But the whole situation was so typical. First not wanting to acknowledge anything and then expecting her to put out the fire, so to speak. The good thing was she now had access to Spectre requisitions. After Udina had left mumbling something about her needing a ship and a crew and practically ordering Anderson to follow him she turned to her squad.

"You heard the Captain. Let's go get some new toys!" She rubbed her hands with glee. "You both need new armor and I expect the arms selection to be top-notch as well." She stopped as she noticed Ashley's and Kaidan's puzzled look. "Oh, come on. You don't expect me to take you on missions in that Phoenix armor, do you, Chief? As for your Alliance issue light armor," she looked at Kaidan shaking her head, "I don't think so. I can't have my head of marine detail running around wearing a piece of junk like that. And if you absolutely have to use a pistol let's find you one with a little more _oomph_ to it." This was going to be fun. She loved this kind of shopping.

Before she activated the RapidTransit terminal however she walked over to a obviously flustered admiral. He introduced himself as Admiral Kahoku and after congratuating her for receiving Spectre status he admitted that one of his platoons was missing and he was being stonewalled by the beaurocrats in the Brass. Kaidan and Ashley looked at each other behind Shepards' back. It sure sounded suspicious. Why would the Brass stonewall one of their own admirals? Nick didn't hesitate to offer her help, much to the approval of her squadmates.

She probably shouldn't have been surprised by the Spectre requisitions officer's reaction when the 'special stock' popped upon his display after she had stated her name and rank. She just rolled her eyes as the turian officer tried to hide his surprise. "Just...show me what you've got." Her eyes began to shine as she inspected the Spectre Master Gear equipment. She turned her head to see what her squad was looking at, only to find Ashley right next to her drooling over the HWMA assault rifle. Nick couldn't see Kaidan and turned in the other direction. Of course, she should have known. He was fawning over the omnitools and amps.

"See anything you like, Alenko?" she asked, humor tinting her voice as she watched him almost lovingly run a finger along one of the biotic amps. He jerked his hand away as if he had been zapped and lifted his head to look into her eyes.

"Uh, yeah. You could say that." came his reply as he gazed steadily at her. Suddenly she felt rather warm. What was it with those whisky-colored eyes of his?

"I was talking about the amps." Shepard ignored Ashley's snort and just smiled at Kaidan. He raised an eyebrow and gave her this lop-sided smile of his own that she was beginning to think was surely forbidden _somewhere_ in the galaxy because it was so damn distracting.

"So was I, Shepard. And the omnitools." He added. Was it the first time he had called her by her name instead of Commander or ma'am? Nick wasn't sure.

"Of course. The omnitools. How could I forget." This earned her a puzzled look from him. She groaned inwardly and resisted rolling her eyes. He had been serious, of course, after all he was a tech nerd. "What do you have in mind?"

"Ah, these things are pretty pricey, Commander. I'm just dreaming here." Kaidan glanced wistfully over the omnitools and amps. This time she did roll her eyes.

"Alenko," she almost growled, "just bring the stuff over here. And don't you dare take anything different than what you really, _really_ want! Same goes for you, Ash." Nick added, looking at Ashley again. Ashley held out the chosen assault rifle wordlessly. "Just put it on the counter, Chief." Shepard returned her gaze to Kaidan again. He stood between the omnitools and the amps, looking from one to the other undecidedly. She sighed.

"Kaidan," she said softly, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine as she walked over to him, "you can have _both_, you know. A new amp _and_ a new omnitool. I already got my first Spectre fundings, I checked. Somebody was really quick in processing that. Ashley already picked a state of the art rifle and I think I've found some very good armor for all of us. And a new pistol for you." She motioned over to the heap of merchandise on the counter. "Not to mention all the toys I want to get for myself. Don't worry about how many credits it costs."

His eyes widened even more and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, I'll just take the Logic Arrest." He picked up the omnitool and went to the counter, not seeing Shepard grab the Serrice Council amp he had been admiring.

"If that's really all you want. I guess we can always come back and shop for more." she shrugged. "Ok, let me wrap things up here and then we take care of that little errand for Dr. Michel." She paid for everything and had it delivered straight to the Normandy. As soon as that was taken care of they headed to the Lower Wards.

Down on the Wards she headed to a booth right by the door. The salarian clerk greeted her.

"Welcome to Morlan's shop. What can I help you with? I have some fine some upgrades. I am certain you will find something to your liking here."

"Not what I'm here for, Morlan."

He seemed taken aback when she mentioned she was there for a shipment of medical supplies and started stuttering that the doctor was supposed to bring the supplies. He was rudely interrupted by a krogan.

"I told Banes you'd screw this up." the krogan blackmailer growled. He turned to Shepard. "And tell the doctor she'd better remember the deal or we will spill her little secret." He flexed his muscles threateningly.

Nick looked him up and down. She pulled back her upper lip in a snarl. "Talk and you're dead."

Oddly enough the krogan backed off, muttering. Maybe it had been the cold gleam in her eye and the steel in her voice. Or - what Shepard didn't know - maybe the krogan had seen the short biotic flare Kaidan had been unable to suppress. Or the fact that Ashley was suddenly handling her assault rifle fondly. Whatever it was, the krogan left. And it seemed as if everybody near by started breathing again.

* * *

><p>Some time later - after Shepard had returned to Dr. Michel's and asked who this Banes was the krogan had talked about - they finally stepped out of the elevator of the docking bay. To their surprise Udina was waiting there together with Captain Anderson. Both men turned to face them as they approached.<p>

"We have big news for you, Commander. Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy. She's all yours now."

Shepard stopped short in her tracks.

"Say again?" She blinked like an owl. For the first time Kaidan had the feeling she was at a loss for words. She looked from the human ambassador to the Alliance captain. "You're yanking my chain, right?"

"You need a ship, Shepard. She's fast, quiet and you know the crew. The perfect ship for a Spectre." Anderson stated firmly.

"Well, yeah. But...you can't just releave the Captain!" Shepard didn't seem overly thrilled of suddenly being commanding officer of the Normandy. She threw a quick glance at the ambassador. What ever she had wanted to say she obviously didn't want to mention in front of Udina. The ambassador was seemingly oblivious of the short lapse in her demeanor. He continued undeterred.

"The Council also wishes to inform you that they have several leads for you. Matriarch Benezia's daughter is an archeologist who is supposedly somewhere in the Artemis Tau cluster. Then there is a colony on Feros which is being attacked by geth and finally they have received reports about geth interest in the corporate research on Noveria. And Commander? Try being diplomatic."

"I'll deal with Saren and his cronies. You do your job and deal with the political fallout."

"Not the answer I was hoping for." Udina muttered shaking his head as he walked towards the elevator. Shepard waited until he was out of earshot before turning back to Anderson.

"Uncle Dave, will you tell me now why you aren't our captain anymore? How are you holding up?" She was genuinely concerned.

"I admit this wasn't how I wanted to end my career but in this case Udina is right. It was time to step down and I am more than happy that you are my successor. I wouldn't want just anyone commanding the Normandy. She's all yours, treat her well." Shepard saluted, confirming she would do her best. He then told her details about his dealings with Saren. Shepard listened closely. She bit her lower lip, considering her next move.

"I think we'll look for this Dr. T'soni first."

"You're a Spectre now. You can do whatever you choose. You answer to the Council only." Anderson reminded her. She snorted.

"Yeah,right. Oh, before I forget. Can you tell me anything about Armistan Banes?" Shepard asked.

"Where did you hear that name? On second thought, I don't want to know. As far as I know he is dead. Admiral Kahoku might know more."

"Thanks. I should go now." Shepard set off for Normandy's airlock, Kaidan and Ashley right behind her. She hesitated slightly before entering Normandy's decon chamber. When she stepped aboard she drew a deep breath. She was alone with her first command.

The Normandy.


	6. Downtime

**A/N: This chapter is totally different than I had planned. Seriously, when I started writing it I had no idea it would turn out this...fluffy. It kind of got away from me. I hope you enjoy it, though. One more thing: I know the SSV Normandy SR-1 doesn't have a galley or a mess sergeant in-game but I figured it made more sense to have both.  
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**Thank you AngstShenko and Vorcha Girl for your reviews! They made my day!**

**As always, Bioware owns ME.**

* * *

><p>6. Downtime<p>

As soon as they were aboard the Normandy Kaidan excused himself when Shepard turned to go to the cockpit, intending to go to the medbay. She nodded in approval and he went on his way, followed by Ashley. He felt a another migraine coming on and wanted to head it off as early as possible. He waved at Wrex, Garrus and Tali in the mess as he passed them on his way, noticing that Ashley was no longer behind him. She had stepped onto the elevator instead of going into the mess as he had thought she might. As he walked through the doors into the medbay Dr. Chakwas looked surprised at seeing him.

"Lieutenant, do you have another migraine?"

"It's just starting, doc. And last time you told me off for waiting too long, so I thought I'd stop by before it gets too bad. Can you give me something that won't knock me out?" He winced as a sharp pain shot through his left temple. He rubbed his fingers in circles over his temple. Kaidan felt a little miffed. This was the second migraine within less than a day. He generally didn't get them that frequently.

"It is nice to see someone follow doctor's orders. I will give you your regular medication, only with a lower dose. What triggered the migraine, Kaidan?" Dr. Chakwas kept a close record on his migraines. What triggered them, the intensity and duration. She motioned for him to take place on one of the bunks as she powered up her omnitool for a diagnostics scan.

He was just about to reply when the comm crackled. They both stalled, waiting for the announcement.

"This is Commander Shepard speaking. We have our orders. Find Saren and bring him down." She paused. "This all started with the attack on a human colony on Eden Prime. Our enemy is ruthless, inflicting unknown horrors on his foes. We will not forget the colonists that were...transformed...into husks. We will not forget the marines that died defending them!" Her voice had become more passionate with every word. She paused again and went on in a considerably softer tone. "But not only human lives are on stake here, no. All lives in the galaxy are. If we want a place on the Council humanity must step up and be willing to do its part." She drew in a breath before continuing. "I won't lie to you, crew. This will not be easy. But that is not the point. No matter how difficult this turns out to be I have no intention on losing. He will expect that we are coming, he will be prepared. But so will we! Everybody expects us to stop Saren and I promise you: We will stop him!"

There was the tell-tale click indicating Shepard had hung up the comm. Dr. Chakwas looked at him expectingly.

"You were just about to answer my question before the Commander interrupted. What triggered the migraine?"

"Not quite sure, doc. Possibly Chora's Den. Flashing lights, pounding bass. Using my biotics shorty before. I don't know. Pick one or maybe all."

"Where does it rank on a scale from one to ten?" Dr. Chakwas held an empty syringe in her hand, waiting for Kaidan's response.

"It started as a three-and-a-half. Now it's passed five going hard on six. Yesterday's was a solid ten, by the way." He rolled up his sleeve, waiting for the injection, his mood sullen. The doctor adjusted the amount of medication in the syringe. A moment later she gave him a pat on the back.

"You're good to go, Kaidan. Go get something to eat and then find a quiet place to sit down. And I'm sure I don't have to remind you to stay hydrated." She gave him a stern glare. "The medication might make you feel a little light headed, but it shouldn't put you to sleep. Although you might feel drowsy."

"Thanks, doc."

As he stepped out into the mess he heard Shepard talking to the three aliens aboard. The medicine was starting to work already and the light-headedness was beginning to set in. 'A little light-headed' was definitely an understatement if there ever was one. He had only received the injection a minute ago and already he felt a pleasant buzzing in his head. A short shudder of the ship and the shift in inertia told him they had just passed the mass relay and jumped to FTL.

"There should be plenty of dextro-food aboard. I requested it as soon as possible. Another problem is accommodation. Wrex, there is no way in hell you'll fit into a sleeper pod. And Garrus, you should just barely fit in but it would be more than uncomfortable. Sooo, I had two camp beds set up for both of you down in the cargo hold. Just...don't kill each other, got it?" The two aliens in question nodded. "Good. Tali, you can have my pod or I can also have a cot set up for you. Your choice." She paused and looked passed Tali and Garrus. "Lieutenant, is everything alright?"

"Not yet, but it'll be better soon." Kaidan replied, his voice oddly thick. He felt as though his tongue was sticking to the top of his mouth. She gave him a puzzled look. "Have a migraine coming on and just went to see the doc for my meds. Now I'm happliy drugged and will either be knocked out cold within the next ten minutes or...well, a little high. Depends. Asked her not to give me too much."

"Wow. You must get the really good stuff." Shepard tried raising only one eyebrow and failed miserably. She just couldn't do that, no matter how hard she tried. Kaidan on the other hand must have perfected it, judging by the arched eyebrow and the lop-sided grin on his face. _I am so in trouble._

"Guess so. But before I start singing O Canada or doing anything else remotely stupid I'm going to grab a bite to eat. Doctors' orders." He walked on towards the galley where the mess sergeant was already piling food on a plate for him. Military chow may not taste like much but Kaidan had quickly learned that being on friendly terms with the personell working in the galley had its advantages. The mess sergeant liked him. He was one of the few people who could just help themselves in the galley. He also always got food that resembled...food. And plenty of it. Sure, being a biotic he got more anyway. But it didn't matter at what time he walked into the mess. He wondered if some poor sod got some truly horrible leftovers because he got this huge portion of almost-real food. Now it was a plate with sandwiches piled on it and a bowl of fruit. Fresh fruit.

"Here ya go, sweetie. If you're still hungry after this there's pie yet, too." The mess sergeant's voice traveled over to Shepard, who was shaking her head in disbelief.

"I don't know how he does it." she turned to Wrex, Tali and Garrus who were still standing there with her. "I swear, we weren't aboard two days and the mess sergeant started having special food for him. And if she's too busy to make him something he can go in there and fix it himself. I tried that once and I got practically kicked out. All I'd wanted was a frigging sandwich!" Shepard sighed. "Huh, maybe I should ask if she needs help with the dextro food."

She got up and walked over to the mess sergeant, giving Kaidan a smile as he passed her on his way to sit at the table. The short smile he flashed in return had her feeling dopey.

"You'll have to wait a minute, Commander. The other sandwiches aren't done yet. The Lieutenant got the first batch." There was less warmth in the sergeant's voice than just a minute ago, Nick was certain. She was almost jealous. Why should she be jealous if the mess sergeant was nicer to the lieutenant than to others? _But you are, _an inner voice told her_. No I'm not, _she retorted to herself_. Yes, you are. Am not. Are too._ This was ridiculous. Now she was arguing with voices in her head. That damn beacon must've scrambled her brain. Shepard cleared her throat.

"Thank you, Sarge, but that's not why I came over. I was wondering if you needed any help with the dextro food. I honestly don't know what the differences to our chow are, if it has to be prepared diffrently or so." she shrugged and was surprised she had managed to keep any hint of annoyance out of her voice.

"Not so different, ma'am. Thanks for the offer. You can tell the dextros their sandwiches will be ready in a few minutes. " The sergeant pushed a plate with sandwiches in her hand. Considerably less than had occupied Kaidan's plate, Shepard realized as she walked back to the table. Ashley and Joker were there now as well with Ashley sitting as far away from Garrus and Wrex as possible. She really had to find out the story behind William's dislike of alien species.

Nick sat down next to Garrus and passed on the mess sergeant's message. She pursed her lips as she looked around at the table, apparently trying to decide on something. Shepard threw a glance at Kaidan who was busy tucking away his sandwiches at an alarming rate. With a small shrug she picked up one of her sandwiches as well. She chewed thoughtfully as she looked at her crew members sitting at the table. She cleared her throat again and began speaking.

"Ok, I know this is probably not the place for a debrief but since we are all here I don't see a problem in it. And it's not like I'll be telling you anything confidential. Before I get to our current mission, though, I want you to be aware of the new toys I got us today. Garrus, Wrex, Tali - I am afraid there were no new weapons or armor in it for you yet. For one thing I don't know which equipment you already have or what your preferences are. Kaidan and Ashley on the other hand I know what they have and I have a pretty good notion of their preferences. Next time on the Citadel you guys get to visit Spectre requisitions with me, promise. However I also stocked up on different ammo and mods, so help yourselves. Wrex, I am guessing your equipment is more than up to par. Your shotgun sure packed a punch back at Chora's Den. Garrus, I have no idea which standards C-Sec had. It looked close to military grade to me. And Tali, I noticed you carry a shotgun and a pistol. And probably a top-notch omnitool."

She paused,waiting for a reply. When none came she turned to face Joker.

"Our course for the next jump is set?"

"Yes ma'am. Do you think I'd be here otherwise? The bridge crew has everything under control. Even I've gotta eat sometime." He sounded almost insulted. Shepard gave him an apologetic shrug.

"Sorry. That was a stupid question. Let me rephrase it. What's our ETA?"

Kaidan tried listening to what she was saying although he was having some trouble concentrating. The slight high from his medication had ebbed off somewhat thanks to the food but he was beginning to feel tired. He rolled his shoulders to loosen up and in hope of driving off the drowsiness. It wasn't working. He rubbed his hand across his face. He felt embarrassed as he noticed Shepard looking at him quizzically. He couldn't breathe. Being under the surveillance of those blue-grey eyes made him feel like a fly trapped in a web. The real problem was he rather enjoyed it.

She turned her gaze away from him again and continued speaking. Kaidan was under the sensation of being released from a spotlight. He exhaled slowly and cursed his head again - even if the migraine was gone now - as well as his hormones. He was glad he still had a sandwich he could take a big bite of to conceal his feelings. Or so he hoped. _I am in trouble. _

"Uh, where was I? Right. Anyway. We are headed for the Argos Rho cluster to look for an asari by name of Liara T'soni. She is an archeologist and expert for protheans. And she just happens to be Matriarch Benezia's daughter. What a coincidence!" Sarcasm was dripping from her voice causing sniggering around the table. "Once we reach Argos Rho we will have the fun job of finding a planet with prothean ruins and then hope we find the ruins where this Dr. T'soni is working. You all heard when our ETA is. That's all, folks."

At this everyone continued eating in silence. Wrex was the first to leave the table, followed shortly after by Garrus and Tali, who both said they wanted to get settled in properly.

"Commander, can I ask you something?" Joker asked as soon as they heard the elevator door close.

"You just did."

"Riiight. I meant another question, of course." The pilot rolled his eyes at his grinning CO. "Why do you call Anderson 'Uncle Dave'? Or is that too personal?"

Ashley was just about to steal some fruit from Kaidan but her hand froze at the question and Kaidan pulled the bowl out of her reach. All three looked at Shepard expectingly. She just tilted her head to the side.

"I also call Admiral Hacket 'Uncle Steve', you know. Look, Hackett went through basic with my parents and my dad and Anderson grew up as neighbors together in London when my dad lived there several years as a kid. They were friends already before my dad enlisted, despite my dad being several years older. I guess it's not really surpring that I call both of them Uncle, although I'm not supposed to do it while on duty, of course. Not that I don't do it anyway." She leaned back. "And they are both my godparents."

"You don't have a godmother?" Ashley sounded surprised. She pouted when realized she couldn't reach the fruit bowl anymore and made a rude gesture towards Kaidan.

"Nope. Two godfathers, both Alliance Naval officers. And I saw that, Chief."

"Sorry Skipper, but LT pulled the fruit bowl out of my reach."

"Hey Chief, if you wanted fruit you only had to ask. But if you try stealing it from under my nose I'm not going to share." Kaidan said plainly before taking the last fruit and popping it in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. "Or you could always just ask the mess sergeant."

"No, Alenko." Shepard shook her head. "If one of us" she pointed at Joker, Ashley and herself, "go and ask the mess sergeant for more of anything she'll tell us off, saying we already had our share."

Kaidan didn't look convinced. "Commander, I'm sure you can get whatever you want if you work your charm."

Nick put her head back and laughed. "My charm? I don't think she's susceptible for my charm." She looked straight at Kaidan and smiled. "Sorry. But I would bet any amount of creds that if you ask her she'll give you a bowl of fruit big enough for the four of us."

He returned her gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. "You think so, huh?"

He winked at her and stood up. Taking his empty dishes he walked over to the galley, Shepard watching him closely.

"Your staring, Skipper." Ashley smirked.

"Just want to see if my assessment was right." Shepard defended herself. Damn.

"Riiight." She heard both Joker and Ashley say simultaneously.

Obviously her assessment had been more than correct for Kaidan not only returned with a large bowl of fresh fruit but also with a cherry pie.

"If we run out of fruit before we have a chance to restock it's all your fault." Kaidan said as he set both on the table. "And the pie is mine. So, if you want any - ask!"

They sat for a while yet with until Joker returned to the helm and Kaidan and Ashley both went back to their stations.

Shepard remained at the mess table alone for a while after they had taken their leave. Her thoughts circulating around the upcoming mission and the fuzzy feeling she got when thinking about the Lieutenant. It didn't help that she could watch him working at the control panel next to her door. After some time she gave up and went to her cabin. She would deal with her personal problems later. Maybe when there was time she could try talking to her parents about this. _You have got to be kidding. You've known him for - what? A week? - and you want to ask you parents what you're supposed to do? Pathetic!_ The mission had to come first. Always.

"Wonder if he feels just as messed up as I do, dammit." she muttered as she dressed down to her skivvies before putting on the N7 tank top she used as a night shirt. She quickly checked the duty roster for the next day and typed up the remaining reports that had to be sent to the Brass before hitting the rack.

* * *

><p>Shepard woke up at three o'clock and was wide awake. She had had a dream about the beacon and sleep now seemed to evade her. After tossing and turning for half an hour she decided to get up. Nick pulled on some fatigues and walked out. She was more than surprised to see Kaidan working at the control panel next to her door, muttering to himself. Had he been working here the whole time? He flashed out his omnitool and scanned the terminal, only to pull off the cover after he had run the diagnostics and starting to rewire the whole thing. Kaidan was so engrossed with the task at hand he remained oblivious of Shepard standing there watching him. She cleared her throat to get his attention, resulting in him smacking the back of his head on the bottom of the terminal. She winced.<p>

"Tell me you haven't been working here all night." Shepard said.

"No, ma...Commander. Only the past half hour or so." he rubbed the back of his head, shooting an annoyed glance at the terminal. "I have to calibrate the settings on that thing every day. And I woke up around three with an idea of how to fix it and wanted to try it out."

Shepard stared at him. She clearly thought he was out of his mind. "And that couldn't wait until later? I happen to know you are not a morning person, Alenko. Having to jump out of your way every morning so you can get coffee first thing is a dead giveaway."

"That's something completely different, Shepard. After all you're up at this ungodly hour as well. But coffee sounds just about right."

"Perfect. Grab a mug and let's sit down." She poured herself a coffee and frowned as she took a swallow of the hot beverage.

"Is something wrong with the coffee, Commander?" Kaidan sat down across from her, his coffee mug hovering just below his lips.

"Apart from the fact that I hate coffee everything is fine." This earned her a perfectly arched eyebrow from the lieutenant.

"Eh, Commander, if you don't like it why do you drink it?"

"I like it with hot chocolate. And only with hot choc. And I have no idea where in the galley to find cocoa for a proper..." her voice trailed off as Kaidan stood up and walked over to the galley. A few minutes later he returned with two mugs, one filled with steaming hot chocolate, the other empty. He unceremoniously took her coffee mug, poured half of it into the empty mug, filled it up with hot chocolate and set it on the table in front of her.

"Cheers, Commander." he sat down again with a rather smug expression on his face and an utterly flabbergasted CO sitting across from him. Kaidan took a swallow of his coffee and watched Shepard take a careful sip of hers. To his delight she raised her eyebrows and licked some chocolatey foam off her upper lip.

"Damn, Alenko. This is good! How did you know?" she took another swallow, closing her eyes and humming with glee. When she opened her eyes again she saw a blush spreading across his face.

"My sister likes her coffee like that." was his explanation and he rubbed the back of his neck again, looking at her sheepishly. _Stop flirting with your CO, Alenko!_

"Then relay my thanks to your sister for teaching you to make an outstanding hot chocolate. Is there a spice in here?"

"Some chili. Not too much, though."

"Hmmm, seriously, Kaidan. This has to be the best coffee I have ever had. Do you have any other talents I should know about?" He blushed even darker and murmured something incoherent. _That might've been a little suggestive, ask him something else, quick!_ "You said you have a sister. Any other siblings?"

"Yeah, a brother. They're twins and almost six years older than I am. You?" Kaidan relaxed a little.

"Nope. Only child. It's probably nice having siblings, though." she sounded wistful.

"Not really. They seemed to get me into trouble more than anything else. If they did something wrong they'd team up and blame it on me. If something broke that I couldn't reach they'd say I used biotics. So, no. Having siblings can be a real pain." He shrugged. She couldn't know that after his biotics had manifested there had been a long time during which he had been the scapegoat for his elder siblings, especially his brother. It still poisoned the relationship to a certain degree. "Practically the only thing my brother and I talk about is hockey. Erin and I are a little closer. She's an engineer, so we can always talk about tech. We get along better now than we did as kids or right after..." his voice trailed off.

"Right after what?"

"Sorry, Commander. I'd rather talk about that some other time." He didn't want to talk about BAaT right now. He glanced at the clock. It was almost 0430.

"No problem. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, just wanted to get to know you better. I never realized siblings could be so much trouble. Anyway, thanks for the talk, Kaidan."

"Well, you're welcome." He looked at her uncertain. "Do you, uh, do you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

"Only to a certain degree. I like to know my crew but I don't get to know everyone equally well. Maybe we can talk more again later?"

"Later? Yeah, I'd like that." Kaidan got up. "I'm going to get some PT done and take a shower before the big morning rush starts."

She almost felt like saying 'Great idea! Maybe we can spar!' but obviously her common sense had kicked in. That might not be the best idea. Shepard brought away her dirty dishes and returned to her cabin to put on a proper uniform. Her heart was throbbing like after a wild dash as it was. She would refresh what she knew about the Artemis Tau cluster. If she remembered correctly it consisted of four systems: Athens, Knossos, Macedon and Sparta. According to Admiral Kahoku his missing marines had been headed for the Sparta system. They would check after finding Dr. T'Soni. She spent almost an hour researching and came to the conclussion the Knossos system was most promising. She checked the time. Her shower would have to wait. They should be hitting the mass relay soon.

After a last glance at the information she had found she made her way to the helm. As she entered the CIC she saw Joker slowly walking in front of her. He obviously wanted to relieve whoever was currently flying the Normandy. She was aware she should know who was at the helm. Kaidan and Pressley probably did.

"Joker, as soon as we've entered the cluster set course for the Knossos system."

Her Chief Helmsman turned around in his seat. "Aye-aye, ma'am. And good morning to you, too."

She waved off. "When will we hit the relay?"

"Five more minutes, Commander."

"Very good. Let me know when we reach the Knossos system." She turned and walked back through the CIC to take a quick look at the galaxy map before grabbing some breakfast.

In the mess she saw Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus and Tali already at the table. Ashley offered her some coffee and looked taken aback when she declined. The gunnery chief apparently belonged to the marines that ran on coffee. Shepard wanted a nice black tea for a change. She hadn't had any tea since before joining the Normandy and she was sure the coffee Kaidan had made in the small hours had spoiled her. She didn't feel like drinking the regular brew just now. Nick got her breakfast and sat down to eat.

She had hardy finished eating when Joker called her over the comm.

"Commander, we've entered the Knossos system. Aparently there are prothean ruins on Therum. ETA ten minutes."

"Thanks Joker. Take us in." She looked at Kaidan and Tali. "Tali, Alenko, you're it. Suit up. You have fifteen minutes to meet me by the Mako."

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><p><strong>AN: As I said earlier, this chapter was planned differently. Originally, they were supposed to find Liara. The first half went as I had intended - up to the part where Nick, Kaidan, Ash and Joker remained at the mess table alone. And then it just snowballed. Nick and Kaidan just _wanted_ that late night/early morning talk. Who am I to deny them that? ;-)  
><strong>


	7. Therum

**A/N: This is a slightly shorter chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks again to AngstyShenko and Vorcha Girl for your reviews. They made my day, as always.**

**Bioware still owns ME ;)**

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><p>7. Therum<p>

Ten minutes later Shepard, Alenko and Tali stood beside the Mako, checking their weapons before getting in for the first drop. Shepard snapped her sniper rifle to her back and turned to face Tali.

"Have you ever dropped in a Mako?"

"No, Shepard. Is there anything I have to watch?" The young quarian sounded wary. Shepard's face broke into a wide grin.

"A first-timer! You are in for a fun ride, Tali. The Mako may not be the most comfortable vehicle," Kaidan snorted. Not comfortable was putting it mildly. Shepard shot a short glare at him but continued as if she hadn't heard, "but it is a blast to ride. It has micro-thrusters and a small eezo-core, making it possible for it to be airdropped. It can climb insane inclines, take extreme temperatures and is enviromentally sealed. Not to mention it has a 155mm mass accelerator cannon and a coaxial-mounted machine gun." She was obviously an enthusiast. Garrus and Ashley, who were standing off to the side, were both nodding wildly. They looked envious.

Kaidan had to admit she had a point. Practice runs in the Mako _were_ fun, an airdrop not quite so much. At least not in his opinion. Tali looked at the Mako apprehensively. Kaidan couldn't quite blame her. The Commander seemed a little _too_ enthusiastic.

"Commander, we have geth activity groundside." The sound of Joker's voice interrupted any further explanations concerning the Mako. "There are prothean ruins as well as an abandoned mine nearby. I'll try to drop you as close as possible."

"You heard the man. Time to rock'n'roll!" Shepard double-checked her ammunition one last time. She grabbed another handful of Tungsten rounds only to see Kaidan and Tali doing the same. She nodded to them and climbed into the Mako. She looked over her shoulder and gave some final orders to her ground squad. "Alenko, you take the guns. Tali, keep an eye on the electronics. Radar, shields, everything. _I_ drive." The last words were spoken as she hopped in.

Kaidan now turned to look at Tali with a small grin. "Two words of advice, Tali: brace yourself!"

As soon as they were all settled she called Joker over the radio. "Anytime now, Joker."

"Aye-aye, ma'am." came the prompt response. "Opening the cargo bay door in three...two...one...go!"

As soon as Joker said "go!" Shepard put the pedal to the metal. The Mako lurched forwards, shooting toward the opening at top speed and then..._dropping_. Joker had left the comm to the cargo hold open so the ground team members remaining aboard the Normandy could hear the radio feed. What they heard was a delighted "Whoo-hoo!" from Shepard and a squealing sound from Tali and something that sounded like "Kee'lah!". Kaidan kept silent.

The Mako had barely touched ground when Shepard slammed on the brakes. She turned around in her seat and looked expectantly at her squadmates. Kaidan just gave her a thumbs up, whereas Tali was still holding on to her seat. Shepard laughed and turned her attention back to the path in front of her.

"Anything on the radar, Tali?"

"No, it looks clear, Shepard. At least no geth. There is a lava stream to our left, though."

"I see it. Ok. Here we go." To Kaidan's surprise she set off at a rather slow speed. After that drop he had expected her to push the Mako straight to its limits. He heard a sigh of relief from Tali and couldn't help but grin to himself.

They had only driven a short way before Joker radioed them again.

"Commander, we have some strange readings from what appears to be the abandoned mine. And I mean like off the damn chart! It's only a few clicks from the drop site. Sending you the coordinates now."

Tali confirmed that the coordinates had been received. Shepard let the Mako picked up speed as the radar showed no sign of enemy forces. They had just driven over a tongue of land dividing two lava streams when Tali suddenly called out.

"Contact!"

"I see it!" Shepard called. "A Geth Dropship of some sort just flew overhead. Let's see what the surprise package was. Alenko, stay frosty!"

"Aye-aye!" He kept a close look out at the road before them. There! The weapons system finally had a mark. Two Geth Armatures, to be more precise. He checked his target and fired the cannon. This wasn't exactly his favorite line of work. He couldn't use the tech skills he had honed over the years, nor could he use his pistol. Not even his biotics were of any use right now. Not to mention that his last practice run in the Mako had been some time ago. And that had been driving and not on the 155mm. Nonetheless he managed a solid hit the first shot. He felt a wave of pride wash over him. Apparently all the training was good for something. As a sentinel he usually didn't get many opportunities to shoot a mass accelerator cannon. Unfortunately the second shot went wide. He cursed quietly as he realigned the cannon for a third shot. He had to hurry as Shepard was closing the distance between them and Tango 1 quickly. The third shot just scraped the Armature, the angle had become too steep. He switched to the machine gun and started firing round after round at the Armature until Shepard deftly rammed it, knocking it over. Then she put the Mako in reverse and ran over it again. This was repeated several times, always evading the second Armatures siege pulse. Kaidan used the short moment of change of direction to fire the mass accelerator cannon at the second Armature. It was a good tactic. They were far enough away that Shepard could evade the siege pulse and the short pauses he had between each shot were just long enough to reload the cannon. In retrospect he was glad Shepard was driving. He wasn't sure if he would have come up with the idea of just flat out ramming the Armature.

They drove on until they were greeted by three mounted turrets guarding a choke point in front of the closed gates of an outpost. Shepard brought the Mako to a halt.

"I don't think we can take that strongpoint head-on!" Kaidan exclaimed as the turrets fired at them.

"There is a path leading east just in front of us. If we can't go in through the door, maybe we should try a window?" Tali suggested. Shepard just grunted in conformation as she backed up the Mako again.

"Do you still have a visual on the first turret, Lieutenant?" she asked. Obviously her affirmative grunt had just meant she had understood them, not that she agreed. She wanted to take out those turrets.

"Only just, Commander." he replied. "But I can take it out."

"Do it!"

When the first turret was down Shepard inched the Mako closer, parking it just so that the salve of the turret just went over their head. Unfortunately he couldn't get the turret into his crosshairs either and he told her so.

"Then we take it out on foot." was her only remark and she signaled for them to exit the Mako. "You two Overload it, Sabotage it, whatever. I'll get into sniping position behind that rocky precipice." She pointed at a nose jutting out just far enough for one person to find cover behind. Shepard dashed to her position, as did Kaidan and Tali. They both sent an Overload at the turret, swiftly followed by a shot from Shepard's sniper rifle. Two shots, a third, and the turret exploded. They did the same thing with the third turret. Before mounting the Mako again Tali groaned audibly.

"Kee'lah! It is so hot! Aren't you two hot as well? I feel like I'm being roasted in my suit. If the quarian fleet ever came here in search of a planet for a colony we would just keep on looking!"

"At least it's a dry heat." Kaidan suggested deadpan as he took place again. "Imagine how bad it would be if it were humid."

Nick shook her head, grinning. Kaidan's humor was apparently just as dry as the heat.

"No, thank you, but I'd rather not. Can't we just stay in the nicely climatized Mako?" Tali shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Don't think I can promise you that, Tali." Shepard stated.

The path Tali had mentioned was a short narrow gorge which led to a path running parallel to the main course. With a turret guarding the choke point. Again. Kaidan took it out with the cannon quickly as Shepard used the same tactic as with the Armatures earlier. As they got close to the outpost it became clear the geth were here in force. Geth Destroyers, Troopers, Rocket Troopers, Shock Troopers and a Juggernaut. What fun.

After blasting their way through they drove into the outpost and disembarked the Mako in order to find the switch for the gates. Once this was done - after killing a few more lone geth in the gatehouses and finding some loot - they headed on. Several Armatures as well as Rocket Troopers and Troopers later they came face-to-face with a truly intimidating foe. A Collosus. Shepard quickly put the Mako in reverse. Once they were out of range she turned around and looked at Kaidan.

"It's going to take a while to bring that thing down, Commander." was his only comment. "Strong shields, strong armor. Other than that it's just an oversized Armature, right?"

"My thoughts exactly, Alenko." A dazzling smile followed her words. He felt his mouth become dry and quickly focused solely on the Collosus again as Shepard moved the Mako within range again. He felt adrenaline coursing through his veins. His hands were sweating and he quickly tried wiping them off on his armor before sending the first shot at the Collosus. It was a difficult fight and they had to take one or two hits but luckily no more than that. Tali kept them posted on the situation of their shields and the two hits had her voice pitch at least an octave higher. Once it was done they moved on, but not before Shepard turned around in her seat again in order to praise a job well done. Though she included Tali in her praise, her eyes lingered on Kaidan.

"Nice work on the heavies, Lieutenant." She paused and then continued with a grin and a wink, "For a sentinel. Wouldn't have thought that somebody that uses a pea shooter as a sidearm could use the cannon so expertly."

"Live and learn, Commander. Didn't realize you put me on the cannon for your personal amusement. Might've fooled me there." Kaidan deadpanned in return, eliciting a laugh from Shepard.

They followed the road through two tunnels in which they took out several regular Geth Troopers as well as Rocket Troopers on foot because Shepard figured "You can never get enough target practice.".

Suddenly their path was blocked. They exited the Mako to take a closer view at the narrow gorge that lead on. Shepard looked at the Mako and back at the entrance to the gorge biting her lower lip. _Maybe..._she ran her tongue across her lip. Kaidan slowly took in a deep breath and quickly turned away his gaze. His adrenaline-induced high was slowly wearing off and that in combination with the odd sensation Shepard's smile had aroused in him made him feel giddy.

"I don't think the Mako fits through there, Shepard." Tali ventured, guessing Shepard's line of thought.

"If so, it's a mighty tight squeeze." Kaidan threw in, having regained his composure. Shepard remained silent. Another minute passed.

"We go in on foot. Stay frosty, people." She pulled her sniper rifle off her back and signaled for them to move out. Unfortunately, they had to move more or less blindly as their HUDs were being jammed. They had gone only a short ways when they ran into a geth welcome party, apparently determined to grant them an especially warm welcome. Once these were taken care of they moved slowly forward. As they moved around a bend Shepard suddenly dashed for cover.

"Sniper at one o'clock!" she called. "Let me deal with the sniper! You two stay in cover and take out anything that gets too close to me!"

As Shepard focused on nothing but the Geth Sniper Kaidan and Tali systematically eliminated any geth that came too close with a combination of biotics, tech skills and sidearms. Once Shepard signaled the sniper was down they moved into the basin, wary of any remaining geth. Continuing up the hill they met only little resistance which was annihilated comparatively easily. They could finally see the entrance to the mine and sprinted towards it. Suddenly they heard the rumble of a dropship. Skidding to a halt they watch in horror as the dropship deployed its troops in their path. Including a Geth Armature. No sooner had the Armature touched the ground it was as if a ban had been lifted off them and they scrambled to cover.

"Well, that's just fuckin' perfect." Shepard commented.

"Yeah, really sweet." Kaidan groaned as he Lifted a Geth Hopper and then fired at it with his new HMWA pistol. "Didn't anyone tell them they weren't invited?"

"I don't think they got the message!" Tali responded as she hacked a Geth Trooper. One by one they took out the geth infantry using every skill they had. Kaidan sent an Overload at a Shock Trooper and then Threw it further back. Then it happened. One of the Shock Troopers managed to get Kaidan in its crosshairs. He grunted in pain as the shots hit him in the side and he stumbled. Tali Overloaded it and Shepard shot its head clean off with her shotgun.

"Kaidan!" Shepard exclaimed, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Might've cracked a rib." His voice sounded forced. Breathing was painful but the medi-gel was helping with that already. "I think I have to check my shield generator when we're back on the Normandy. And I have a dent in my armor. I'll just have to keep my Barrier up." Shepard gave him another look, a slightly worried expression in her eyes, and then nodded.

"Ok. Now, let's get this Armature out of our way. Alenko_, stay. down. _At least until your shields are fully regenerated. Tali, Overload it as soon as it has fired its first pulse. Kaidan, when you're back in the fight help Tali take down those shields." Her tone broached no argument. She pulled her shotgun from her belt and ventured a peak around the corner of her cover. Quickly, she pulled back and scooted away from the edge as a blast from Armature's siege cannon hit the ground close to her. The combination of Kaidan's and Tali's Overloads brought down its shields quickly and she fired her shotgun. Shepard managed one more shot before the Armature fired his pulse siege again. On the fourth try it finally collapsed.

"About time." Shepard muttered as she led them past the smoking remains of the Armature into the mine. The geth infantry they encountered proved little challenge. Kaidan Threw a Geth Sniper off the catwalk, Tali hacked another and Shepard took out two more standing next to a containment cell with a clean shot with her sniper rifle. As they moved further down Tali looked around.

"It looks almost as if these caverns formed around the ruin. After it was built." She looked at her squadmates. "Don't you agree?"

They both looked around and gave a non-committal shrug. Kaidan was about to respond when they heard the tell-tale whirring of Geth Assault Drones. These were taken out rapidly and they entered a rickety looking elevator. As Kaidan stepped into it he glanced over the edge of the catwalk.

"That's a _long_ way down." Shepard just looked at him and pushed the elevator button. As they went lower the elevator short-circuited and came to a stop between two levels. They jumped off of the elevator and down a broken platform when they heard muffled cries for help. They followed the sound only to see a force field blocking their path and an asari suspended in midair on the other side of the field.

"Thank the Goddess! Pease help me, I'm trapped!" the unknown asari exclaimed. "There are geth here!"

Shepard walked close to the barrier until she could touch it with her hand. She ran her hand along the smooth surface of the barrier, her eyes trained on the asari within.

"Dr. Liara T'Soni, I presume?"

"Yes. How do you know my name?" There was a slight hint of panic in the asari's voice.

"How did you end up in there?" Shepard asked, ignoring Liara's question.

"I was hiding from the geth. I must have pushed a wrong button and triggered a security device. Please, get me out!"

Shepard remained silent for a moment. "Why is Benezia working together with Saren and the geth? And whose side are you on?"

The asari looked shocked. "What? My mother? With the geth? I...I don't know. I haven't talked to her in years! I can assure you, I am definitely not on the geth's side."

Shepard was inclined to believe her. She turned to her squad and signaled them to move out. "Let's find a way around this barrier."

"You have to be careful! There is a krogan with the geth!" Liara called to them. Shepard looked back and nodded in confirmation.

They carefully went on and a short while, as well as some geth infantry, later they stood in front of an old mining laser. Shepard looked around the cavern one more time, checking every nook and crevice. There was a small gap below the compartment Liara was in. Perhaps the mining laser could widen the gap far enough for them to fit through. It was worth a try. Tali, she realized, was trying to salvage something from one of the geth. Kaidan on the other hand was inspecting the mining laser.

"Well, Lieutenant, do you think you can get that thing operational?" she jutted her chin at the laser.

"Sure. Just watch." He expertly hacked it and within less than ten seconds the operational light switched from red to green. He glanced at Shepard from the side. "I thought you did some infiltrator training. Shouldn't you be able to do a simple hack? Or an Overload?"

"Eh, no. I mean, yes, I tried to get the infiltrator badge. But," Shepard grinned almost sheepishly, "I flunked tech. I'm just a regular soldier, Alenko. I still prefer my sniper rifle and I learned a lot. But tech was always a November Golf for me. And now we want a hole right _there_." She pointed at the gap she had noticed earlier.

"Aye-aye, ma'am." He leveled the mining laser and pushed the button. The result was more than satisfactory, as it revealed a compartment similar to the one on the upper level. They went inside and in the back they found a circular platform with a control panel in the middle. It resembled an elevator. Shepard pushed a button and hoped it was the up-button and not the explode-in-my-face button. The prothean elevator began to rise and stopped on the next floor. They stepped into the compartment with the trapped asari archeologist. Liara turned her head in surprise.

"How did you get past the barrier?" she wondered.

Shepard shrugged. "Superior fire power." When she saw Liara'spuzzled expression she explained they had found a mining laser and blasted their way through.

"Ah. Of course." Liara hesitated. "I think that console there should disable the containment field...please."

Shepard looked at Kaidan over her shoulder and nodded. He studied the console shorty and pushed a few buttons. With an 'oof' The asari fell to the floor.

"Thank you." she said. "I..." She stopped short as they heard a nominous rumbling sound and felt the ground tremble.

"What was that?" Tali asked.

"These ruins are unstable. The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event!" Liara answered. Shepard swore and radioed the Normandy, telling Joker they needed extraction ASAP.

"Joker! Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal. Double-time it, mister! We have to GTFO!"

"Aye-aye. ETA eight minutes." Joker confirmed.

Tali gasped. "Eight minutes? That won't be fast enough! He has to move faster!"

"Not much margin for error." Kaidan muttered as they headed for the elevator. The elevator took them to the top level where they were greeted by a Krogan Battlemaster and some geth infanty. Kaidan gripped the handle of his pistol. The krogan tried to convince Shepard to hand over the asari, claiming Saren wanted her and he always got what he wanted. The Commander just shook her head.

"I don't think so. The doctor stays with us."

The krogan attacked.

A few minutes later the Krogan Battlemaster and his geth foot soldiers were history. Shepard had taken out the Geth Sniper,while Kaidan and Tali had focused on the Shock Troopers trying to flank them. Once these were down all three focused on the Krogan Battlemaster. Kaidan Lifted the krogan, sending him flying across the room, and then Threw him smashing against the adjescent wall while Shepard and Tali had their shotguns ready for the kill. It wasn't nessecary. Kaidan felt his amp burning. The Lift had been on of the most powerful biotics he had ever used and the Throw so shortly afterwardshad been hardly less so. It would have been nice to see the asari use her biotics but Liara just cowered next to a pillar, shellshocked. He felt a jab of annoyance but then reprimanded himself. Liara looked overwhelmed. Shepard's voice calling to her to hurry up roused the young prothean expert and she finally got her legs to obey. They ran along the catwalk towards the exit as large boulders began crashing down around them.

"Move, move, MOVE!" Shepard rallied them. Kaidan and Tali sped passed her, Liara following a short ways behind. Shepard brought up the rear. They ran along the passageway and out the door to see the Normandy already hovering there, waiting. As soon as Shepard set a foot in the cargo bay she commed Joker to take them aweigh. She went over to the weapons bench where Kaidan and Tali were already busy cleaning their weapons and began unclasping hers. Once everything was cleaned and reassembled she began to take off her armor. Kaidan, who had just finished squaring away his gear, helped her with a few harder to reach straps.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." her voice was strictly professional, even if she felt a pleasant shudder run through her body.

"Anytime, Commander."

They went to the elevator and stood silently next to each other as it took them slowly one level up. Shepard went her locker to square away her equipment, while Kaidan went to his sleeper pod to grab his shower kit. He wanted desperately to wash off the sweat and grime from Therum. As he stood under the shower he wished for the luxury of a hollywood shower. He would have to settle for a regular navy shower, though. Surprisingly he didn't have a headache. After the biotics he had used in the mine he had half expected another migraine. Especially after the fight with the krogan. As he dried off Kaidan wondered if maybe his body was just getting used to the more frequent use of his biotics. Feeling clean and halfway refreshed he made his way to the comm room for the mission debrief.

When Shepard entered the room a few minutes later she found her whole team assembled already. Liara was sitting on one of the chairs looking uncertain. Suddenly Joker commed them, sarcasm evident in every syllable.

"Too close, Commander! 10 more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

"We almost died there and your pilot is making jokes?" Liara exclaimed in disbelief.

Shepard looked at her and blinked. "Joker pulled our asses out of the fire. I think he's earned a right to a few bad jokes."

"I see. I am afraid I have little experience dealing with humans. I want to thank you again for saving me, Commander. Not only from the volcano but also from the geth. I hesitate to think of what might have happened if the geth had reached me first." Liara said.

Kaidan leaned forward in his seat. "What exactly does Saren want with you? Do you know anything about the Conduit?"

"Only that is in some way connected to the prothean extinction." Liara answered. "That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the last fifty years studying what happened to them."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Fifty years? Just how old are you exactly?"

The asari looked embarrassed. "I hate to admit it but I am only 106." This elicited short comments of surprise from the humans present but Liara told them that she was considered hardly more than a child by the asari. She was certain her youth was the main reason her studies and her theories in respect to the prothean extinction were being ignored by other asari scholars. Her research hinted that the protheans were not the first species to disappear and that their civilization had been built on the ruins of those that had been there before. She was certain that the prothean extinction was part of a recurring cycle. She sighed.

"I just wonder what led to their downfall."

"I can tell you." Shepard stated matter-of-factly. "They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines called Reapers."

Liara looked at her in surprise. "The Reapers? I have never heard of them. How can you be so sure? Do you have evidence?"

"There was a damaged prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It showed me visions of the protheans being wiped out."

"Visions? Yes, that makes sense. They must have been used to transfer messages straight into another users mind! You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander. The beacons were set specifically for the prothen physiology." She rambled on a while until she was interrupted by Ashley, reminding them that this wasn't helping them find Saren or the conduit. Liara apologized. She swayed as she got up, stretching out a hand to keep her balance.

"When was the last time you ate? Or slept? Maybe you should let Dr. Chakwas check you." Kaidan asked, always the medic. Shepard could have kicked herself for not thinking of that. She hadn't even considered asking Liara how long she had been in those ruins. A good thing she had the lieutenant.

"Yes, you might be right. It certainly won't do any harm." Liara sounded grateful as she put a hand to her temple. She looked at Shepard. "Will you allow me to stay aboard? I can't imagine a safer place."

Shepard nodded and a hint of humor tinted her words as she answered. "We have a turian, a krogan and a quarian, so why not add an asari? Welcome aboard. Go and follow Alenko's advice, let the doctor take a look at you. Everybody else - dismissed."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ok, I know I wrote this was to be a shorter chapter. In the end it turned out being almost 1000 words longer than planned. The mission debrief was actually supposed to be the beginning of the next chapter but I changed my mind. **

** And here are some short explanations, just in case:**

**GTFO pronounced 'Git-Fo' meaning 'Get the fuck out!' **

**November Golf: NG in the phonetic alphabet, meaning 'No Go'= fail.**


	8. Edolus

**A/N: Thank you AngstyShenko and Vorcha Girl for your reviews! I love hearing from you!**

**Bioware owns Mass Effect.**

* * *

><p>8. Edolus<p>

They filed out of the comm room. Liara turned to Kaidan outside.

"Lieutenant? Is that correct? Could you tell me where I can find the doctor? Everything was so rushed when we came aboard." She asked almost timidly.

"You don't have to call me by my rank. Kaidan will do." He answered. "I'll bring you to the doc. I should see her as well." He still felt that hit he had taken from that Geth Shock Trooper. The pain had been overridden by adrenaline during battle, but now it was returning full force. Adrenaline was an efficient pain killer. Now, every breath ached, suggesting a possible rib fracture. Not likely, but possible. Kaidan hoped it was only a contusion to the chest wall and not a fracture. A fracture would mean he wouldn't be cleared for ground missions. He hadn't had the time to do a proper diagnosis scan in the field and now he might as well let Dr. Chakwas check him over.

Liara looked at him in surprise. "Why? I'm sorry, I don't know much about your species. Are there many human biotics?"

"No, there aren't that many human biotics. My generation are the first. Human biotics are caused by genetical changes due to Eezo exposure." He explained as they walked down the stairs to the crew deck. Kaidan pointed at the door of the med bay. "Here we are."

He led the way in. "Doc, this is Liara. She wanted to see you. And once she is done I wanted to talk to you yet, too." He nodded at Liara and went back into the mess. As usual after a mission he had to replenish the calories burned during combat. Sure enough, the mess sergeant had a tray ready for him. Thanking her he took it, grabbed a coffee and sat down. He wondered what Shepard was doing. Maybe when she was done they could find the time for a chat. If she was done before he was on duty again which was, damn, in half an hour. He groaned in annoyance. Just then the med bay doors opened and Dr. Chakwas came walking over to him.

"You can come in anytime, Kaidan. But eat first, don't rush yourself."

"I'll be there in five, doc." Kaidan let her know. The doctor looked at his half-full tray and gave him a look he knew from his mother. The look saying 'Young man, you are not getting up from this table until your plate is empty' generally followed by the reprimand 'Chew properly! Don't stuff eveything in your mouth all at once like that!'.

The doctor shook her head. "I just said you are supposed to take your time eating. You don't have to stuff everything down at once. I'll see you in fifteen." With that she went back into the med bay. _Yep_, Kaidan thought supressing the urge to grin, _just like Mom_.

Ten minutes later he entered the sickbay.

"You're early, Lieutenant." Dr. Chakwas said without looking up from the medical journal she was reading. She closed it and got up. "Not another migraine, is it?"

"Surprisingly, no. My head feels fine, despite the biotics I used planetside. I was wondering if my body adapts to the more frequent use of biotics. But that's not why I'm here. A Geth Shock Trooper nailed me pretty good and I didn't have the time for a proper scan groundside. It's not too bad, some difficulty breathing, feels tender, no crepitus. At first I thought I might've cracked a rib, now I think it's just a contusion." Kaidan gave her a quick rundown as he sat down. The doctor just nodded and began her scan.

"Nothing appears to be broken. Please take off your shirt, Kaidan...Ah, yes. I'd say your self-diagnosis was on the spot. You're going to feel that for a few days. It would be better if you refrain from going on groundside missions the next few days." She started typing something onto her datapad.

"What?! No!" Kaidan was aghast. This couldn't be happening. "I'm fine, doc. I just wanted to be sure there was no fracture. I can go groundside!"

The doctor looked up with a shake of her head, her lips pressed together to a thin line. "You marines are all the same. Very well, Lieutenant. You are cleared to go. But if this gives you any trouble, and I mean any trouble whatsoever, you will inform me and do shipside duty until I decide differently." She put all her authority as head physician and Alliance Major into her voice.

"Yes, ma'am." came the lieutenant's meek reply. _Definitely like Mom, _Kaidan grimaced, not quite as amused by the comparison as he had been before.

"And Kaidan? You are surely aware that I will also have to inform the commander about this. It will be up to her to assign you for a groundside mission or not."

"Yes, doc." He couldn't keep the apprehension out of his voice. He would be stuck shipside, he was almost certain. Shepard wouldn't take him along if he wasn't at a hundred percent.

He headed up to the helm to take up his duty at the survey station. Sitting there scannimg planets and asteroids for mineral or gas deposits was not a general favorite, but everyone got their turn and today it was his. To his amazement his seat was occupied. Shepard was sitting in it, keeping a close eye on the readings.

"Uh, Commander? I'm on duty station here now."

"Oh, right. Sorry. I'll get out of your way. I'm just goldbricking here anyway. I should be doing my rounds but survey station is perfect if you want to contemplate on things." She got up, standing between his seat for the next four hours and Joker's pilot chair. "I was just ready to scan that asteroid. All you have to do is push the button, the coordinates for the probe are set."

"Thank you, Commander." A hint of annoyance crept into his voice. He tried hard to keep it out, after all he was not upset with Shepard. She heard it nonetheless and gave him a hard look. Immediately she became aware of the firm set of his jaw.

"Is something wrong, Alenko?"

"No, Commander. Everything is fine." he lied as he sat down and launched the probe Shepard had prepared. She was still standing next to his seat and he could feel her gaze linger on him.

"Uh-huh." It was clear she didn't believe a word.

He sighed. "It's nothing major. I just saw Dr. Chakwas because of that direct hit I took on Therum. She wanted to put me on shipside duty for several days, I convinced her not to. She also said she would have to inform you of the situation." _And that it is your choice if I get to go groundside or not_, he added silently. He didn't want to sound like he was whining.

"Ah. I see. You're worried you won't get to go groundside." She nodded in understanding. "How bad is it?"

"I feel it, sure. But I have had worse." he looked up into her face. She calmly returned the gaze, blue eyes locking into brown. It was as if everything around him had slowed. She nodded again, slowly, not taking her eyes from his.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it today anymore. Once we're done surveying this system we will move on to the Sparta system. According to Admiral Kahoku that is where contact was lost to his missing platoon." She put a hand on his shoulder. "I want to take you and Ash along once we find any sign of them. I want marines on that mission. Tell me how you feel tomorrow morning. If you say you feel good enough, then you're in. I trust you to know what you can handle." She gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and a reassuring pat. With that she left to do her rounds. Kaidan turned his head a fraction to watch her as she walked away. Behind him he heard Jocker snicker quietly. Taking a deep breath he returned his focus on the terminal in front of him, still feeling the imprint of Shepard's hand on his shoulder.

"You've really got it bad, don't you?" Joker asked, watching his reaction closely.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kaidan muttered. He kept staring at the readings relayed back from the scan. There, the scan found something. He launched the probe.

"Riiight. Come on, Kaidan. I've known you for years." Joker stated, turning back forward. "You're not exactly subtle."

"Great." Kaidan mumbled as he felt himself blush. "Joker, just drop it, ok?"

Joker opened his mouth, ready to retort in his usual snarky way. But something in his friends' posture made him change his mind. This seemed serious.

"Ok. I'll drop it. For now." Joker acknowledged to Kaidan's astonishment.

"Alright. Thanks."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile Shepard went to talk to all and sundry. She started with Tali down in engineering, hoping she could tell her more about the geth. Then she found herself talking with Garrus. She had to admit she really liked the turian. He could turn out to be a really good friend. They talked about his time at C-Sec and the frustration of being saddled with too much red tape. Sure, she could understand it was annoying, but...<p>

"The rules are there for a reason, Garrus. If we start ignoring them just because they annoy us, are we any better than the criminals that treat all rules with contempt?"

"Sorry, Shepard, I have the impression you don't hesitate to do what is necessary to get a job done."

She nodded. "True. I always try to cover all options, though."

"But you can do whatever it takes to get the job done!"

"Just because I can doesn't mean I have to. If it endangers others then I have to try to find another solution, otherwise I am no better than Saren. We do things the right way, not the fastest way." She paused before whispering "Usually. There can be exceptions to the rule. You just have to watch that the exceptions don't get out of hand."

"I..." Garrus had the look of someone receiving a serious lecture. "I think I understand."

"Good."

After that she tried having a conversation with Wrex which proved difficult. Feeling frustrated she went to Ashley, who was busy dismantling a rifle. "Do you have time for a talk? One-on-one?"

"Sure, Commander. Just...give me...one...moment. There." Ashley put away the rifle and fidgeted around. "There was something I wanted to ask you anyway. You know I was never stationed shipside before and I don't have much...experience...dealing with aliens." she hesitated.

"I keep a rather open-door policy. What's your issue?"

"Should we be granting them access to such important stations such as engines or weapons or life support, Skipper?" Ashley blurted out, glancing over at Garrus who was busy tinkering with the Mako. Shepard followed her gaze.

"Let me ask _you_ something." Shepard turned to look at the Gunnery Chief with a stern expression. "Are you aware that the Normandy was co-designed with the turians? They don't need to spy on us to know what kind of tech we have aboard, the turian hierarchy has the same blueprints the Alliance has. This ship is based on a turian model, never forget that, Chief." She paused. "I don't know where your distrust of Alien species comes from, Ashley, but as long as you are aboard the Normandy you will at least have to work with them. I'm not asking you to be all buddy-buddy with them, just work with them."

"Aye. I'll try, ma'am." And someone else looking like I just told them off, Shepard thought.

As she left Ashley standing there she wondered where the younger womans rigid views of aliens arose from. She continued contemplating about it as she took the elevator up to the crew deck. Liara should have had enough time to get settled in. She nodded a greeting to Dr. Chakwas who was busy at one of the medical stations.

"You will find Dr. T'Soni in the storage room, Commander." Dr. Chakwas let her know and she continued through the med bay.

As soon as she stepped into the storage room Liara rose from her seat.

"Commander, are you coming to check up on me?" The asari now stood face-to-face with her.

"Are you ok? You look better than a while ago." Shepard noticed there was more color to the asari's cheeks.

"Dr. Chakwas assures me I will be fine. I must say I was impressed with her knowledge of the asari physiology."

Shepard was a little surprised of that comment. Why shouldn't Dr. Chakwas have any knowledge of the asari physiology? "It's part of her job. Our doctors train in alien physiology as well as human. You never know who might need patching up. And the doc is one ofthe best. You're in good hands. She knows what she's doing."

Liara bowed her head in consent. "I never properly thanked you for saving me, Commander. If you hadn't shown up..." she faltered.

"First of all, you thanked me on Therum already and then again during the debrief. And secondly, you don't have to call me by my rank, you're not a marine. Shepard will do." Shepard answered. "I'm glad we made it on time."

"Funny, the lieutenant said almost exactly the same thing when I adressed him by his rank and told me 'Kaidan' would do. Shepard, I know you're taking a risk at letting me come aboard. Not everyone trusts me, I have seen the suspicious looks the crew gives me. But I am not Benezia. I will do whatever is my power to help you take down Saren." Liara's voice had grown passionate.

"You will earn their trust, I am certain. Don't worry, I know you won't let me down."

Liara blushed. "That means a lot to hear you say that."

They talked for a while about Liara's life as an archeologist. Nick didn't think that would have been the life for her. She was too much of a people person. Of course she enjoyed solitude every now and then but she enjoyed company even more. At least of a few people. She remarked that Liara must have gotten lonely sometimes. Liara stated that she occasionaly ran into small groups of privateers or mercenaries but that so far she hadn't encountered anything her biotics couldn't handle.

"As for the solitude," Liara cast her gaze down at the floor before looking up again, "it was one of the things that appealed most to me. Sometimes I have to get away from people."

"You don't like other people?" Shepard inquired.

"It's not that I don't like other people." Liara answered. She then explained the role of Matriarchs in asari society and what was expected of her as the daughter of one of the most powerful Matriarchs. She figured maybe that was why she had become an archeologist instead, concluding that it sounded foolish saying it out loud, as if she had become an archeologist only to spite her mother.

"I'd say it's normal for kids to rebel against their parents. It's a part of growing up. I know I did." Shepard shrugged.

Liara laughed. "That is what my mother said when I told her of my decision. But that wasn't the only reason I chose to be an archeologist. I felt drawn to the protheans. That is also why I find you so fascinating." She glanced at Shepard shyly. "You were touched by actual working prothean technology, the beacon marked you."

"Sounds like you want to disect me in some lab." Shepard remarked drily.

"What? No! I never meant to offend you. I only wanted to say you would be a remarkable subject for an in-depth study. No, that's even worse." Liara stuttered, becoming more and more flustered by Shepard's inscrutable expression.

"I was only joking, Liara." Shepard decided to relieve her.

"Joking? By the Goddess, now you know why I prefer spending my time away from people." She lifted a hand to her face in embarrassment.

"That's not the best way of learning how to understand other people. Try mingling with others." Shepard mentioned. They continued talking about Benezia and asari culture. At some point they began speaking about the misleading rumors about the asari, especially concerning their sexuality. It was kind of interesting, but Nick also felt a little disturbed talking about it with someone she hardly knew.

As she left the med bay she felt a short pang of regret when she saw that the control panel Kaidan so often worked on was empty, then she recalled he was on survey duty. She sighed. She had been looking forward to talking about the past mission to him. Maybe she would run into him later. Now she finally had to write her mission report. She hated writing reports and had been putting it off, but it was high time to get it done.

It was nearly 0200 when she got her chance to talk to Kaidan. Alone, that is. Sure, they had eaten dinner together with the others but Kaidan hadn't been talkative. Even less than usual. Afterwards she had found herself talking to her CHENG and her XO, but when they were done Kaidan was not to be seen, so she had retired to her cabin to finish even more paperwork. Later, Shepard woke up after another beacon-induced nightmare and decided a cup of tea would help her go back to sleep. She wondered if Liara could maybe help her make sense of the vision. She was an expert on protheans after all. Pulling on her pair of Alliance sweat pants she left her cabin.

Perhaps she shouldn't have been surprised to see Kaidan sitting in the dimly lit mess, whom she spotted after her eyes had adjusted to the light.

Kaidan had just said good-bye to his sister when he heard the quiet hiss of a door opening. He looked up to see Shepard standing in her doorway, blinking at the light in the mess. He quickly looked down at his omnitool again, willing down the thought that had jumped into his mind seeing her dressed in the snug-fitting N7 tank top and sweat pants, hair falling loose onto her shoulders instead of pinned up in the regulation bun she wore during duty.

"Alenko," her voice drifted over to him, "don't you ever sleep?" She walked over to the table and sat down, tucking one leg under her.

"I could ask you the same, Commander." He pointed at the empty plate in front of him. "I often need a late night snack yet, especially after using my biotics. They burn a lot of calories."

"And so you got a snack and started tinkering with your omnitool? I hope you're not working." she raised her eyebrows. Kaidan laughed softly.

"No, Erin, my sister, had left me a message and I called her back. No work. Usually I use the time to catch up on the hockey scores or just read something."

She pulled up her other leg, wrapping her arms around it and propping her chin on her knee. Kaidan stared at her. It was so un-Commander-Shepard-like, it was unsettling. Slowly details seeped into his conscience, the strand of hair that kept falling into her face and the fact that the Commander painted her toenails purple. He felt the urge to tuck the wayward strand behind her ear. He blinked. _Stop it, Alenko_!

"You know, Lieutenant, I was actually going to make myself some tea, but since you're up as well, I think I'd like a hot chocolate instead." She smiled at him expectantly. He found himself returning the smile without another thought.

"My pleasure, Commander. It'll take a few minutes. Coffee, too?"

"Nope, I want to go back to sleep again. Are you really drinking coffee at two o'clock in the morning?" She watched him make the hot chocolate.

"I can drink coffee at any time of the day." he replied. They fell into a short silence until Kaidan came back to the table carrying two mugs of cocoa. He set one in front of Shepard and took a swallow of the other. "You're right, hot chocolate sounds nice."

"What do you think of our newest addition?" Shepard asked, blowing on her steaming beverage.

"Dr.T'Soni?" Kaidan gave a small shrug. "She seems to be a sweet girl. She's nice enough."

"Any intentions there, Lieutenant?" The question just slipped out. She felt irrationally annoyed by him calling Liara 'a sweet girl'. 'Sweet' as in 'cute'? Many humans were intrigued by the asari. Maybe the lieutenant, no, Kaidan's open and honest face told her the answer even before he uttered it.

"None whatsoever. I prefer more...adventurous women." He gave her a puzzled look.

She glanced at her mug to hide the relief she was certain would be visible in her eyes. When she looked up again she decided this was a good chance to get to know him a little better.

"Tell me about your sister. Is she with the Alliance as well? You'd mentioned she's an engineer."

"No, she's not Alliance. She could have easily joined, though, as she majored in control engineering. But she always said she prefered civilian life, where she could wear what she wanted, wear her hair like she wanted and so on. She finds military life to restrictive." Kaidan paused. "Erin was the one who influenced me to study engineering physics after...well, she convinced me it would be a good way to spend my time. And she was also the first I told I was going to enlist after I had made up my mind. We used to race each other to see who could figure out an electrical circuit first or who could come up with the best mathematic model of a system. It was fun."

"Sorry, that does not sound like fun to me. More like hell on earth." Shepard shook herself. "Way too much math and tech theory."

Kaidan laughed. "Ok, I am a geek."

"Oh, so am I. Just not a tech geek. But I am very happy to have a tech geek like you here. Very useful. And with your biotics and your abilities as a field medic I get three for the price of one. Can't get much better."

Kaidan blushed at the praise. "I'm just a regular sentinel, Shepard. Nothing more, nothing less."

She waived off his objection and continued speaking. "Now, all I have to convince you of is to branch out weaponwise. That new pistol is better than that old pea-shooter you had but honestly I think the assault rifle would suit you as well." She yawned. "And now I think your hot chocolate is making me sleepy. I'm gonna hit the rack. See ya bright and early, Alenko."

Kaidan wished her a good night and stared at his mug after watching Shepard retreat to her cabin out of the corner of his eye. He really enjoyed these late night talks with the commander. And therein lay the problem. She was his Commander. _Damn it_.

* * *

><p>The next morning the Normandy entered the Sparta system. Shepard was holding her daily morning debrief with her officers when the comm pinged.<p>

"Commander," Joker's voice crackled over the speakers, "we have an active distress signal coming from the second planet in the system."

"Thank you, Joker. Take us in." She turned back to Pressley, Adams, Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan. "I think we're done here. Lieutenant, you're coming with me. Tell Williams to suit up as well. Everybody else - dismissed."

Kaidan saluted and went down to the cargo hold. As he stepped out of the elevator he saw Garrus laying half under the Mako. He hoped nothing was wrong with it. Instead of going straight to Ashley he decided to check with Garrus first.

"Garrus, is everything ok with the Mako?"

"It should be fine. I thought it looked like the suspension on the front left side sagged a little, but it appears to be ok. Why do you ask?" Garrus clicked his mandibles. Kaidan wasn't that good at reading turian expressions but he believed it to be indignation.

"We need it. I've got to suit up and tell Ash to do so as well."

"I bet Tali is happy she doesn't have to drop in the Mako again in such a short time." Garrus remarked. "She said it was the most terrifying thing she's ever done."

Kaidan laughed and answered over his shoulder as he walked over to Ashley. "She'll get used to it."

Ashley had noticed him approaching and quickly assembed the pistol she had been cleaning and put it on the rack.

"Something up, LT?"

He nodded. "Suit up, Chief. We're going to hit dirt as soon as the Commander shows up. There's an active distress signal we have to check out. A platoon of marines went missing in this system. It just might be them."

Ashley nearly jumped to her locker in order to get ready. She had been itching for some action. She finally wanted to put her new rifle to its test. And it made her proud to be chosen for a mission concerning missing marines. Maybe they could save some. Maybe she could save some. The loss of her unit on Eden Prime weighed hard on her shoulders, the feeling that she should have done more, tried harder, even if she was loath to admit it.

They suited up and then walked over to the Mako waiting for Shepard who still wasn't there.

"So, LT." Ashley began quietly. "What's going on between you and the Commander?"

Kaidan stared at her. "What are you talking about? There's nothing going on between us." He leaned his head back against the Mako and closed his eyes, praying that he wasn't blushing. Ashley hadn't been on the Normandy for a week yet and if she suspected something already, god, he didn't want to think of what the rest of the crew might think. He felt Ashley watching him.

"LT, I'm not blind. And you are so obvious trying not to be obvious, if you get what I mean." She flicked away some dust from her armor. "I think you two would be cute together."

He looked at her abruptly. "Ash, does the word 'regs' ring any bells? There is nothing going on. And..." He ran an armored hand through his hair. "She's my Commander. I can't, ok? So just...Drop. It. And that's an order, Chief."

The look Ashley gave him was almost pitying. "Aye. I hear ya, LT."

Ashley was just about to add something when the elevator doors opened and Shepard walked briskly out, snapping the last pieces of armor into place. As if it was the most natural thing she stopped in front of Kaidan and turned her back to him so he could check her armor. He did so quickly and gave her the compulsory pat to let her know she was good to go.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Anytime, Commander." He kept his tone and his face impassive. Unfortunately, he could see Ashley smirking out of the corner of his eye.

"All set?" Shepard looked at her two squadmates. A snappy "Aye-aye" from both confirmed her inqiury. "Mount! Alenko, I want you on the sensors and navigation today. Chief, you've got the guns. I drive." There was this slightly maniac grin on Shepards face that always seemed to appear whenever the Mako was involved.

A short while later they touched down on the dusty desert plains of Edolus. Kaidan checked the systems. Everything was in order and the distress signal came in loud and clear. There were some other signals yet that might be worth checking but locating the distress beacon had priority.

"Commander, the distress signal is coming from due north." Kaidan informed her.

Shepard didn't answer, she just accelerated the Mako. They had driven for a few minutes and had just climbed an incline when Shepard suddenly slammed on the brakes.

"Shitshitshit." she muttered, her eyes roaming the scene before her. "Please let it not be what I think it is. Fuck."

"Commander?" Kaidan asked, Ashley echoing the question half a heartbeat later.

Shepard looked into the bowllike depression in front of her with its flat mounds and felt her heartbeat quickening. There, some ways into the depression she could see the remains of an M29 Grizzly and what she was certain were bodies scattered around it. She clutched the steering wheel and breathed in deeply.

"Kaidan, keep a really close eye on our systems. Shield, armor, radar, everything. And I mean _really_ close. If a hostile shows up I need its exact position _yesterday._" She stressed emphatically. "Ashley, get the 155mm ready. As soon as Alenko gives you the position of our tango be ready to use it. I have some serious driving to do."

"Commander? What are we dealing with?" Kaidan asked with a short glance at her before he looked back at the control panels in front of him. She was pale, almost white in the face and there had been a hint of something in her voice. Fear? He couldn't imagine what would elicit such a reaction from Shepard. Ashley seemed just as perplex and slightly nervous, although she was hiding it well.

Shepard tried keeping her tone light. "Has either of you ever had the pleasure of seeing a thresher maw? No? Well, you will soon."

A thresher maw! Of course, Kaidan thought, that just might be the one thing that could scare Shepard. She had, after all, lost her entire unit to a thresher maw attack on Akuze.

"A thresher maw?!" Ashley sounded nervous and excited at once.

Nick just nodded. "We can do this. We just have to stay out of its range. Maw acid completely bypasses shields and burns right through everything else. If we take a hit we have to be far away enough from the maw to be able to retreat. Well then, showtime."

She slowly rolled the Mako into the almost circular depression, inching it closer to the M29 Grizzly.

"Tango at 10 o'clock" Kaidan suddenly called out. To his surprise his voice sounded relatively calm. Ashley fired the cannon and as soon as she had done so Shepard stepped on the gas. Kaidan kept updating them on the maw's position. Just once Shepard misjudged how far to go, though, and they took a direct hit. They barely made it out of range. To his surprise Shepard climbed out of her seat.

"Alenko, take the wheel and drive the Mako up that incline and then see what you can do to restore the armor. If the maw heads your way, get moving! Williams, as soon as you can shoot again give me cover. And now get the hell out of here!" With that she jumped out of the Mako.

Kaidan was sure his heart stopped for a second as he watched Shepard run towards the M29 Grizzly. He cursed and drove up the incline Shepard had pointed to. There he watched Shepard dodge acid spit after acid spit. After each maw attack she raised the grenade launcher she had grabbed on her way out. Unfortunately it only had a very limited amount of grenades. Finally the Makos' cannon was back online and Ashley joined the fray from afar. Kaidan felt almost useless. All he could do was watch. He was tempted to disobey his orders and head back into the maw nest. He saw Shepard pull her shotgun and fire it at the maw several times. After what felt like eternity the thresher maw keeled over with a high screaching sound as it disappeared underground and failed to resurface. Kaidan immediately started the Mako up again and drove towards the remains of the Grizzly. As soon as they reached it he and Ashley exited the Mako.

Shepard was examining the distress beacon but she turned around to face her squad as soon as she heard them jump out of the Mako.

"This," she hissed, pointing at the Grizzly, the beacon and the remains of Alliance soldiers scattered across the ground, her voice shaking with rage, "this was a trap. They were lured here. If I ever find the people that had the gall to do this I am going to kill them. Slowly."

Kaidan knelt down to examine one of the dead marines.

"These were Admiral Kahoku's people, Commander." he said grimly. He saw the fire of cold fury burning in Shepards' eyes as he looked up.

"Goddamnit!" Somebody was going to pay for this. "Ok, see if you can find anything. I'm going to take care of this thing." She kicked the false distress beacon and then shot it several times with her shotgun.

After they had mounted the Mako again Kaidan carefully mentioned a few points of possible interest that he had noticed earlier. Shepard admitted it might be useful to check them out. Once that was done they radioed Joker, letting him know they were ready for pick-up. Then they waited in grim silence until the Normandy came into view.

Before they exited the Mako after returning to the Normandy Kaidan looked at Nick, making eye contact. "Commander, when we find whoever is responsible for this we will be right there with you to make them pay."

"Hell yeah we will!" Ashley ground out.

Shepard quickly looked over to Ashley and then returned her gaze to Kaidan, seeing bold determination and a promise in his eyes. The hint of a smile fleeted over her face.

"I know you will."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: If you find any mistakes, especially near the end, let me know. It was after 1 a.m. when I finished this...  
><strong>


	9. MSV Ontario

**A/N: Thank you AngstyShenko and Vorcha Girl for your reviews on the last chapter! And a special thank you to Vorcha Girl for your feedback concerning this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.  
><strong>

**Bioware owns Mass Effect.**

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><p>9. MSV Ontario<p>

They climbed out of the Mako, expressions so grim the others waiting in the cargo hold took a step back when they saw them. Without saying a word Shepard stalked over to the weapons bench and started dismantling her weapons. Kaidan and Ashley joined her, even if they hadn't used their weapons. They worked in silence.

To Kaidan it seemed as though the air around Shepard crackled with energy. Something was making his biotics respond and he needed all his willpower not to flare. Her anger was still palpable. Liara and Tali had also been in the cargo hold when they returned but after one look in Shepards' face everybody had backed away. Even as they stripped out of their armor there was tension radiating off of Shepard. This mission had really shaken her. Kaidan shared a quick glance with Ashley. He would have liked to give Shepard some kind of comfort but he had no idea how to do it. Apart from that he wondered when Shepard would realize she had nothing to change into as she had come to the cargo hold wearing her armor already.

Shepard suddenly stopped undressing. She had just remembered that her uniform was in her cabin, not down here. She groaned. Dressed in only her underarmor she gathered her armor up in her arms and headed for the elevator. Kaidan blinked, trying to focus on something different than the fact that the underarmor accentuated every curve of Shepards' body. He quickly squared away his equipment and followed her to the elevator together with Ashley. This was getting worse and worse, he had to get a grip on himself. And _that_ metaphor had just gone somewhere horrible. Was he glad he hadn't said that out loud, Ashley would have probably died laughing.

The silence continued through the elevator ride. Slowly the tension seemed to leave Shepard. Her posture was more relaxed as she stepped out of the elevator and walked towards her cabin. That was when it happened.

Some junior crew members were sitting around the table in the mess and they could hear the words spoken drift over.

"...took down a thresher maw! How cool is that?!" Private Fredricks sounded excited. The effect it had on Shepard was quite different, though. When she heard the words 'thresher maw' and 'cool' she dropped her armor and with three big steps was at the table. The next thing the private noticed was being pulled out of his chair and slammed against the wall. Shepard was barely 5'3 and Fredricks was over 6', but she had him pinned to the wall standing on his toes without any effort. He was having trouble breathing as she increased the pressure with her arm on his throat.

"So you think that was 'cool', Private?" she hissed through clenched teeth. "A whole platoon of marines died down there, soldier. Do you have _any_ idea what it's like fighting a maw? No, you _fucking_ don't! I'll tell you. You hear your comrades and friends screaming in pain while you try not to get hit by maw acid, you see them being pulled underground, you smell flesh being rotted off of your friends' bodies by corrosive acid, you smell pee and shit because some soiled themselves in their last living seconds. Friends that a few minutes ago were alive and laughing. And all you can do is try to survive because you know if you try saving them you will die..." her voice sounded choked. "Don't ever say that was 'cool'!" She was breathing hard and again shaking with rage.

Suddenly she felt a firm but gentle grip on her shoulder and a smoky voice reached her through the haze. "Commander! Let go of him."

Shepard spun half around, not releasing the private from her grip, ready to defend herself, to find herself looking up into a pair of toffee-colored eyes. Her lieutenant's eyes, looking at her full with worry, she registered. And the haze lifted. She glanced back at the private, who looked terrified. She slowly lowered her arm and looked down at the floor, feeling utterly ashamed of herself. Kaidan slowly took his hand from her shoulder. She closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath, aware that everyone in the mess had seen her lose control.

"Private," she began in a flat voice, "I apologize. This was absolutely uncalled for. If you want to file a complaint to the Brass you have every right to do so. I will accept any form of punishment they deem necessary."

"No, ma'am. It's...it's alright. You were right. I didn't even try to imagine what it was like for...for them." he was still rubbing his throat.

She bowed her head. "Very well. Thank you. And thank you, Lieutenant," she said as she turned her gaze over to Kaidan, "for stepping in. I appreciate it. I couldn't have a better head of marine detail. Now, I have to report to the Brass." she turned and, after picking up her armor pieces scattered across the floor, went into her cabin.

Everybody remained silent for a minute, staring at the closed door of the Shepards' cabin. Then Kaidan turned his attention to Fredricks.

"Are you alright, Fredricks?"

"Yessir. A little shaken, maybe. But other than that I'm fine."

"Good." Kaidan's voice was grim. "Because you will be doing extra duty, Private. Everybody on this ship knows about Akuze and what happened to the Commander there. Yes, the Commander overreacted, there is no excusing that. Nevertheless, you will report to me first thing tomorrow morning and I will inform you further."

"Aye-aye, sir." the poor private saluted. The marines aboard were not used to hearing this tone from the lieutenant. So far he had always been understanding and rather pliant. As long as they did their duty he hadn't told them off for anything they had said. Obviously some line had been crossed now because the lieutenant had a stern look on his face and his whole posture made clear he hadn't been put in command of the marine detail on a whim. Kaidan was no pushover, even if some had that impression.

"Dismissed, Private."

* * *

><p>Shepard leaned against the door of her cabin. How could she have lost control like that? She had thought she had gotten past Akuze. <em>Obviously not<em>. Slowly she walked over to her bed and laid her armor down on it. She needed a shower. Bad. But first she had to report what had happened to those marines. She sat down at her desk and opened the communications terminal.

"Computer, I need a private connection to Captain Shepard, my mother. She's the XO on the SSV Kilimanjaro."

"A private connection to the Kilimanjaro not possible at this time." the automated voice of the Vi told her after a short time. She considered her options and made her choice.

"Then give me a private connection with Admiral Hackett."

As the Normandy's VI established a connection she sat there chewing her lip. Finally the image of Admiral Hackett appeared on her screen.

"Commander, why aren't you using the official channel?" he started and then took a closer look at her appearance, furrowing his brow.

"I decided to use the private channel because I wanted to talk to you as Nick and not Commander Shepard." she admitted.

"Very well. Veronika, what happened?"

"We just found a platoon of marines on Edolus, Sparta system. They were killed by a thresher maw after being lured into a thresher nest by a false distress beacon. Would you know anybody who would do such a thing?"

Hackett sighed. "Nick, I can't help you there. I am sorry."

"You can't?...But you know of something, don't you?" she couldn't believe it.

"I have an idea, but I can't tell you yet. Send me your report and I will see what I can do."

"There is another thing. Off the record, Uncle Steve." Shepard hesitated. "I, uh, I just assaulted one of my crew. He was saying how cool it was that we fought a maw and I, uh, snapped. He says he doesn't want to file a complaint but I at least wanted to tell you. My head of marine detail stepped in. Lieutanant Alenko has a solid head on his shoulders. He intervened in a calm but firm manner. I would usually put a positive remark about it in my report but..."

"You're not sure how you can do that without shooting yourself in the foot."

She bowed her head. "Exactly."

"Listen, Nick. I will forget what you did but watch yourself. Otherwise I will have no choice but insisting you go back to therapy."

"Aye-aye, sir."

"Ah, are we back to business? Good. I have something I want you to check out. We have a hostage situation in the Hades Gamma cluster. A group of biotic extremists have kidnapped the Chairman of the Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. He is responsible for the failure of reparations negotiations for L2 biotics in their eyes as he voted against it. I'll forward you the details."

"Aye-aye, sir. We will head there ASAP."

"Very well. I appreciate it, Commander. Hackett out."

She wondered if Kaidan knew anything about the ongoing negotiations concerning reparation for L2 biotics. She strongly suspected he would, being an L2 himself. She pulled out his personell folder. So far his personell record was the only one she hadn't read yet. She only knew he was an L2 because Dr. Chakwas had mentioned as much to her when Shepard had asked her about the lieutenant. That was also the only reason she knew his migraines were a result of his L2 implant and that there were a lot more horrid side effects. If she were in his shoes she definitely would be following the negotiations.

She opened the folder and began reading. To her surprise several years of his life before joining the Alliance were redacted. All that was mentioned about his biotic training was that he had gone to Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training with the remark that BAaT had been shut down in 2169. Any other information concerning BAaT was redacted. No mention of why the programme had been shut down either. She had noticed that Kaidan hesitated talking about his teenage years. He had almost made a slip the last two times they had talked. Maybe it had something to do with this, she mused. She ran her fingers across the list of commendations he had recieved so far. Impressive. It was a list that rivaled her own and that again made her wonder why he had never entered N-school.

She found the answer to this a few pages further. It was an application for admission to N-school marked 'Denied'. Nick sat back. She could only think of one possible reason for this and that was Kaidan's reluctance to use his biotics more aggressively. If one thing was expected from N-school graduates it was to be willing to do whatever was necessary to get a mission done. And it was something the lieutenant yet lacked. She would closely monitor his progress and, if he showed potential, write a letter of recommendation.

With a sigh she closed his personell record and opened her terminal in order to write her report on the mission to Edolus.

* * *

><p>Several hours later Joker commed her.<p>

"Commender, we have surveyed the last planet in this system. Do I plot a course for the Citadel?"

"No. Set course for the Hades Gamma cluster."

"The Hades Gamma cluster?" Joker sounded surprised. "Aye-aye, Commander."

She breathed out audibly and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. Spending the last three hours at her desk writing reports, going through requisition orders and evaluation reports of her crew were not her favorite part of being an Alliance officer. The mission on Edolus had left a foul taste in her mouth, as had her slip of control afterwards. And she felt as if the dust and dirt from that damned place was still covering her skin even though she had taken a shower right after submitting her mission report. Maybe she should just sweat it off and do some PT. There had to be somebody aboard willing to spar with her. Maybe the lieutenant would..._No! Stop right there!_ she told herself. Ashley would be a good choice. Or maybe Garrus?

This in mind she changed into her sweats and a t-shirt and headed for the cargo hold. Unfortunately she had to discover that Ashley was in the middle of maintenance and Garrus was laying half under the Mako, along with somebody else. No sparring, then. With a quiet sigh she got onto the stationary fitness bike standing in the back corner of the cargo hold and started peddling. After almost half an hour on the bike she switched to the treadmill. The nice thing about the treadmill and the bike was she could see what happened around her at the same time. As soon as Ashley had squared away the last rifle Nick decided to call her over.

"Chief? Got a minute?"

Ashley walked over, wiping the weapon oil off of her hands with a rag.

"Sure Commander, what do you need?"

"Do you feel up to a sparring round?" Shepard never slowed down. She kept going at the same pace as she looked straight at the Gunnery Chief. Ashley looked perplexed.

"Uh, sure...but..." she glanced at her still greasy hands. Shepard dismissed her objection with a quick wave of her hand and jumped off of the treadmill. Instead she wandered over to the mat leaning against the cargo hold wall and pulled it down to the floor. Then she turned and grinned.

"Don't worry. I'll go easy on you."

"Ha!" Ashley smirked. "I'm pretty darn good at marine hand-to-hand."

"Good. Then let's have it."

Ashley was good. She hadn't been boasting but the N7 training had given Nick an extra edge. Shepard was smaller than the other woman but she was faster and she knew more tricks. After going three rounds Ashley stepped back.

"Geez, Commander! I always thought I was good. Where the hell did you learn to fight like that?" Her breath was coming in short gasps after Shepard had knocked the wind out of her.

"You mean apart N7 training? You have to remember I spent a lot of time shipside as a kid already and there was not much more to do in my pastime other than let the marines teach me hand-to-hand or read. And I generally did both." Shepard rolled her shoulders. "But thanks for doing this. I needed to spar. It's been too long since I last had the opportunity."

Shepard turned to go and saw Garrus and Kaidan standing next to the Mako, watching her and Ashley. She tossed the towel over her shoulder and sauntered over.

"Well, did you enjoy the show, boys?"

"Not really." Garrus answered. "We've been too busy fixing the Mako."

"What?! It was fine on Edolus!" she stared at them.

"It was leaking transmission oil, Commander." Kaidan replied. She looked at them more closely and realized that both had oil smudges in their face. Kaidan had his sleeves rolled up, but there were streaks of oil up to his elbows. "And at the stupidest possible place." He added. Garrus grunted approvingly.

"Didn't know the two of you were mechanics yet too." Shepard grinned at them.

Both men just mumbled something about 'tinkering around sometimes', looking slightly embarrassed.

"Okay." she leaned back crossing her arms. "So you both like to tinker around. With Garrus here it somehow doesn't surprise me. After all he's been ogling the Mako since the minute he came aboard. But you, Lieutenant, I had you pegged as an electronic tech only. Didn't know you had a thing for mechanics as well. Anyway, how long have you guys been working here."

Kaidan glanced at his omnitool. "A few hours, Commander." He hesitated. "Ever since you, uh, went to your cabin. And now, uh, Commander, I would really like to go take a shower."

She nodded, glad he didn't comment any further on the incident earlier. "Of course, Lieutenant. We'll talk later."

"Yeah. I'd like that. But first here are the dog tags from the marines on Edolus. The ones that weren't corroded away by the acid, that is." he handed her a small box. "Commander." He nodded at her and then shot a quick look at Garrus, who was clicking his mandibles. "Garrus."

Shepard remained standing there for a moment as she watched Kaidan walk to the elevator, turning the small box in her hands. She licked her lips unconsiously before remembering that if she wanted to take a shower as well she also had to go up to the crew deck. She sighed and then turned around to face Garrus. He was looking at her with what she believed to be an amused expression.

"Ok, Garrus. Let's have it." She said. While she was down here she might as well talk to everyone.

* * *

><p>It was almost two days later when they entered the Farinata system of the Hades Gamma cluster. Shepard stepped away from the galaxy chart and walked to the helm.<p>

"Joker, give me a ten minute notice once we have located the extremists' ship."

"Aye-aye."

Shepard made her way down to the cargo hold, debating whom she should take along. Kaidan should certainly come along. Maybe having an L2 biotic along could help in talking other disappointed or desperate biotics down. Other than that...Close quarters, so someone with a shotgun would make sense. Ashley? Or more biotics? That would suggest either Liara or Wrex. Wrex had a shotgun AND biotics...Yeah, Kaidan and Wrex, that sounded good. On the crew deck she walked towards the control panel he mostly worked at instead of gearing up already. To her relief he was working at his terminal. He looked up as soon as he noticed her approach.

"Commander, is there something I can do for you?"

"What can you tell me about the the recently failed reparation negotiations for L2 biotics?" She watched his reaction closely.

Kaidan didn't answer right away. He turned away from her to close whatever he had been working on. When he finally started talking it was in a hushed voice. "How much do you know about the L2 implant, Commander? No, I should ask how much do you know of the undesirable side effects of the L2 implant?"

"I know that your migraines are a direct result of your implant, Lieutenant. But after talking to Dr. Chakwas I know that there are much worse side effects yet too." Shepard replied.

Kaidan let out a short mirthless laugh. "Yes, you could say that. Insanity, mental disability, cippling pain - the neurological complications can be severe. There are quite a few L2s that have either commited suicide or attempted to. A few friends of mine from BAaT never made it past the age of twenty. The first one killed himself when we were sixteen. Officially he had a fatal accident but..." he shrugged helplessly. His voice sounded hard when he continued. "We all knew it was stress that made him do it. Psychological and physical stress. He wasn't the first that died at BAaT, nor was he the last."

Shepard could only stare at him. What had the Alliance allowed at that place?

"Ok, back to your question. The reparation negotiations. There are a number of L2s who feel that the Alliance has let them down and some are willing to take extreme measures. Personally I think they are full of crap. Biotics face enough prejudice and mistrust as it is, we don't need these extremists adding fuel to the fire." he hesitated. "Commander, why are you asking about the negotiations? As you said, they've failed and it is unlikely the decision will be revised."

She had seldom seen her Lieutenant so passionate about something. Now she wondered even more about the redacted parts in his personell folder. She opened her mouth to answer only to be interrupted by the comm.

"_Ten minutes, Commander._"

"Thank you, Joker." She returned her gaze to Kaidan. "A group of biotic extremists have kidnapped Chairman Burns of the Alliance Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. We have less than ten minutes until we rendezvous with their ship and then we have a hostage situation to take care of. I want you on the team for this, so gear up. You have five minutes, Lieutenant. Oh, and Alenko? Hold the elevator." She turned and went to her cabin to grab her gear.

Kaidan walked to the elevator in a daze. How could his fellow biotics be so deluded? They had to realize that actions such as this just made everything worse. If it was attention they wanted, well they got it, just probably not in the way they had imagined. As he waited for the elevator Shepard reappeared carrying her armor.

"I'm not gonna start undressing in the cargo hold again only to remember my uniform is in my cabin." she said as an explanation. Despite the severity of the situation Kaidan couldn't stop the corner of his mouth twitching into that lop-sided smirk that wreaked havoc with Shepards' feelings, a thing he was utterly unaware of.

As soon as they stepped out of the elevator Shepard called out to Wrex.

"Oy, Wrex! Wanna take out some biotic extremists? If you want to come and play, then grab your gear."

"About time!" Wrex growled. "Still can't believe you took on a maw without me."

"Oh, stop pouting." she told him as she stripped down to her skivvies, very aware of Kaidan doing the same not a meter away from her. _Focus_!

Kaidan was thinking almost the same thing. _God, Alenko, you'd think you've never geared up with a female soldier next to you,_ he chastised himself._ Focus_! He quickly pulled on his underarmor and began strapping on his armor. He was glad that he had his feelings under control again when Shepard turned her back to him for the usual check and he was glad that she always turned to _him_ for this. _Enjoy the little things_.

They strapped on their weapons and headed up to the airlock, ready to dock with the MSV Ontario, a Kowloon-class freighter as Joker informed them. Shepard was not surprised but she was grateful nonetheless. This meant that the main layout was a known.

They boarded the Ontario silently, not meeting any form of resistance until they entered the main cargo hold. There weren't that many terrorists but Shepard found herself knocked flat on the floor by a biotic attack when she peaked around the corner of a large crate. Before she had picked herself up again Kaidan and Wrex moved past her, both retaliating with biotic attacks of their own. Then Kaidan pulled out his omnitool and sent a tech attack she didn't know causing the target to glow red and drop down, while she and Wrex attacked with their shotguns. They moved through the cargo hold swiftly after disposing themselves of the attackers.

As they moved towards the helm on they heard angry voices from a compartment on the portside. Apparently the leader of the extremists didn't think anybody would make it past his followers or he didn't care. Before opening the compartment door Shepard turned around and looked at Kaidan and Wrex to see if they were ready. Both gave her a swift nod and she opened the door. As it opened the door revealed a man kneeling on the floor, hands held above his head while another was holding him at gunpoint.

"...too late!" The man with the pistol snarled. He looked up in surprise as they stepped into the room.

"Let's not do anything you might regret." Shepard shook her head warningly.

"Don't come any closer!" the biotic terrorist pushed the pistol against Burns' head. "Apparently the only way to get attention is by a grand gesture such as this!"

"Well, you've got our attention." Kaidan threw in. "Now, why don't you lower that pistol?"

This was a self-assertive manner Shepard had not yet seen in the Lieutenant. He was full of surprises.

"This sonofabitch doesn't deserve to live! He robbed us of our only chance to live halfway normal lives! Only endless pain and no way to afford the necessary treatment..." The terrorist leader growled.

"I...I had no idea! I didn't realize how bad the situation of some L2 biotics was! I swear by all that is holy, please let me go! I will take another look at the files and see if I can convince the committee to reconsider!" Burns pleaded.

"Oh? All of a sudden you want to help us?" The biotic extremist snorted in disbelief. "Why should we trust you?"

The Chairman of the Parlamentary Subcommittee whimpered.

"If you don't trust him, then trust me." Kaidan said firmly. "I'm an L2, just like you."

The other biotic looked at him in doubt, but Kaidan firmly held his gaze. The extremist leader lowered his weapon a fraction.

"Prove it!" There was only one way Kaidan could do that. He had to show them his implant. The L2 implant was wider than the L3 implant and didn't protrude as much.

Kaidan threw a short glance at Shepard, who nodded. He stepped forward, holstering his pistol. When he reached the distance halfway between Shepard and Burns he stopped. At a sign of the terrorist leader one of the other extremists stepped closer. Kaidan's heart was pounding in his chest as he lowered his head a bit in order for the other man to see his amp jack.

"He's an L2 alright." the terrorist said, stepping away again. Kaidan walked slowly backwards to his former position, watching the extremist leader consider the options. Shepard and Wrex were also watching the situation closely. So far it had been a good idea to bring the Lieutenant along. He had planted a seed of doubt at their actions in the leader of the extremists. The biotic leader shifted uncomfortably.

"And how do you think you can help us?" he directed his question at Kaidan.

"I can't. But the Commander," Kaidan pointed at Shepard, confidence in his voice, "can make sure he follows through. I vouch for her."

The extremist leader hesitated shortly and then lowered his pistol some more. The chairman lifted his head a fraction.

"I promise, I will do what I can! I had no idea how dire the situation was!"

"Then you weren't doing your job!" Shepard shot at him. "You are the Chairman of the Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies! Your committee is supposed to oversee the situation for human biotics. It was your responsibility to know the situation."

"Commander, I swear I will do all I can. I see know I was wrong to veto the negotiations. I will do everything in my might for a renewal of the negotiations!" Burns turned his head to look at the biotic extremist. To his relief - as well as Shepard's and Kaidan's - the extremist leader holstered his pistol. The biotic suddenly looked exhausted.

"We will trust you."

Burns got up slowly and carefully walked towards Shepard and her squad. Meanwhile she radioed Joker, telling him to call the Alliance for Burns' pick-up. Joker relayed the message and then informed her pick-up would be there within an hour. They waited until the Alliance cruiser designated for the pick-up was close enough to rendezvous and then returned to the Normandy. They returned just as silently as they had boarded the Ontario, not one of them saying a word. As soon as they were in the Normandy's decon chamber Shepard turned to Kaidan.

"Good work back there, Alenko. I don't know if they would've seen reason otherwise." She gave him an appraising look. "More outspoken than I would have expected from you, I admit. You keep on surprising me, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, Commander." He held her gaze a moment. "I have many talents."

"Yes," she answered quietly, "I believe you do."

Wrex' snort reminded them they were not alone. And just in time as the decon doors opened and they stepped into the Normandy's CIC.


	10. Memories

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews! And again a special Thank You to Vorcha Girl for your feedback. (I hope you like the small changes I made.) Hope you all enjoy this slow chapter with some memories and a late-night Shenko conversation. :)**

**As always, Bioware owns Mass Effect. I'm just playing in their sandbox.**

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><p>Chapter 10. Memories<p>

After Kaidan had changed back into fatigues he went to work at the control panel. His mind was not focused on the task at hand, though. As he studied the evaluation report of the last simulation his mind kept wandering back to the last mission. He understood that some L2s were disappointed in the Alliance, sure. But that did not warrant actions such as kidnapping and blackmailing. He was also aware that with his migraines he belonged to a fairly small group of lucky L2s.

He had needed a while to 'get his head on straight' after his time at BAaT as his father had called it. And never before had he hated his biotics as much as during that time. The suicides of several fellow students as well as his loss of control had planted a fear of himself in his mind. It had taken his parent and his elder sister the better part of a year to help him even start getting over what had happened on Jump Zero, to take away his fear that he might snap as some other kids had.

His brother on the other hand wouldn't be in the same room as he was longer than necessary. The wedge that had for some reason always been between them just seemed even larger than before. His sister insisting he enroll in an engineering class at college had helped him greatly. It had taken his mind off things.

During that time he had passed the local Alliance Military recruiting office every day. And subconsciously the idea of enlisting had formed in his head. The recruiting officer had noticed him slow down everyday as he walked by, eying the recruitment poster.

_..."__I see you slowing down everyday when you pass my office." The recruitment officer had come out to him one day. "Are you considering enlisting? If so, I can give you information brochures or if you prefer you can come in and we can talk about your possibilities." _

_Kaidan had hesitated and then agreed to come by after his classes were done. That afternoon had changed his life. The recruitment officer had been impressed when he heard that Kaidan studied Engineering Physics but what had really gotten the officers' attention was a different statement. _

"_I'm a biotic." Kaidan had said almost meekly. _

"_A biotic!" the man had exclaimed. "Young man, do you have any idea which career chances the Alliance military has to offer you? There are massive incentives for biotics. The Alliance needs you!" Pulling open a drawer he began searching for something. "Wait just a minute...They have to be here somewhere...Ah, here we go." The recruitment officer handed Kaidan several brochures. "Take a look at these. And if you have any other questions, let me know. I can also arrange an appointment with someone who can give you more detailed information on the role of biotics within the Alliance military." _

_Kaidan had thanked him and gone on his way._

_When he reached his parents' house he hadn't gone inside. Instead, he had gone around the back and jumped the fence, going to a more secluded part of the backyard. It was his 'practice spot', the only place where he could practice using his biotics without being seen either from the house or by neighbors. _

_He had to use his biotics, he had learned that the hard way. Just discharging the built-up energy from his implant wasn't enough. When he had first come home from BAaT he had avoided using his biotics, only discharging the static on any metal surface he could find, resulting in some of the worst migraines of his life. It was like an overload. After several of those he had taken up his biotic exercises again. _

_After running through a few exercises he had sat down on a tree stump and started reading the pamphlets he had gotten from the recruitment officer..._

Kaidan shook himself. He had to focus on the evaluation reports in front of him and then write his report concerning the hostage-taking of Chairman Burns, not go down memory lane. Granted, there were a lot worse memories lurking there. This trip down memory lane was definitely one of the better ones. But it would be embarrassing if Shepard, or anybody else for that instance, happened to come by and find him daydreaming while on duty. _Not suitable behavior for an Alliance officer_.

Just as he started typing his report he saw Shepard and Liara walk into the mess and go on to the med bay. Liara's eyes were practically glued on the commander he noticed. Maybe some of the scuttlebutt was right. The asari appeared to have an interest in the commander that went beyond what was professional.

_For crying out loud, Alenko! They are just_ talking!

He quickly stomped down any further jealousy. After all, Shepard spoke to everyone. It was one of the traits that made her such a good commander. She showed vested interest in her crew, especially her squad mates.

His thoughts went back to their return from the MSV Ontario. Shepard's first action back aboard the Normandy had been telling Joker to set a course for the Citadel. After that they had maintained their weapons and armor and Shepard had begun her usual round. Talking to everyone. Liara had been talking to Garrus when they had arrived in the cargo hold. Now, Shepard was probably done talking to the crew on the engineering deck and since Liara spent most of her time in the supply room of the med bay Shepard had decided to join her there.

_No, not join_. Kaidan thought annoyed. _Not the asari kind of joining, anyway_.

His eyes kept drifting to the med bay door. With a sigh he closed his workstation. He couldn't concentrate here, so he would go work at the usually empty co-pilot's console in the helm. And maybe Joker would distract his mind from the Commander and Liara.

* * *

><p>When Shepard left the med bay all she wanted was to talk to Kaidan. She wondered about his time at BAaT and hoped he would agree to answering her questions. When they had come up from the engineering deck she had seen him working at the console next to her door. But he wasn't there. Unfortunately she didn't really have the time to search for him. She had received a message concerning a potential mission.<p>

"Where has he gone to now?" she muttered to herself. She was feeling a little off-kilter after talking to Liara. She wasn't sure why. Liara was nice and pleasant to talk to, but something bothered Nick and talking to Kaidan made her feel...warm and fuzzy inside.

_Yeah, but Commanders aren't supposed to feel warm and fuzzy inside just because they just happen to be talking to their hot Lieutenant with a husky voice_. _Nor should they think of said lieutenant as 'hot'..._

"Guess that means it's time for your favorite part of the job, Shep." she sighed sarcastically as she headed for her cabin. No, first she would grab a bite to eat. Surely Kaidan would show up in the mess soon. _Unless he already ate while you were busy talking to everyone and their brother_ a small voice in her head told her.

"Sergeant, have you seen Lieutenant Alenko?" she asked the mess sergeant.

"You missed him by maybe ten minutes, ma'am. He went up to the CIC." The mess sergeant told her. The CIC? What was he doing up there? He wasn't on duty there. Or was he? She tried recalling today's duty roster to her mind. No, she was certain he didn't have any duties in the CIC today. It was Pressley's job to oversee the galaxy chart and the crew on duty in the CIC.

She thanked the mess sergeant for the food and sat down at the table. She had been hungry but now all she could do was pick at the food. Her friends had always laughed at her because she could always eat, no matter the time of day. And the fact that she actually liked some MREs, which was sure to be singular in all known worlds. Or so Matt liked to tell her. But now she couldn't swallow one bite. _Damn_.

Her thoughts wandered to the conversation she had just had with Liara. She had inquired about Liara's interest in the Protheans, wanting to pick up with their conversation where they had stopped before Edolus.

Surprisingly Liara said that they had more been talking about her interest in _Shepard_. Then they started talking about how humanity was perceived by others.

"Unfortunately others see humanity as somewhat of a bully." Liara told her.

Shepard looked surprised. "You mean other species are _scared_ of us?"

"You must admit, humans have the tendency to run anything over that gets into their path. It is up to people like you to change their minds, Shepard. There is a reason the Council chose you to a be Spectre. They saw something special in you. The best humanity has to offer." Shepard snorted and Liara hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I looked into your history and I know what happened in the Blitz and then on Akuze. The first was a remarkable display of courage and heroism and the second a fierce will to survive."

"You could've just asked me. I don't like my crew mates going behind my back reading up on me." Shepard frowned.

"I am sorry, after our last talk I was afraid I might insult you by saying something stupid again. I wanted to know more about you, understand what made you into the woman you are. There is something compelling about you, Shepard." Liara's voice dropped just a little.

Shepard chuckled. "Of course you would find me interesting. After all I have a vision from a prothean beacon burned into my brain." Her omnitool beeped. Shepard glanced down at it. "I should go."

"Of course, Shepard." Liara looked as if she wished to add something but then changed her mind.

Now, Shepard sat in the mess wondering just how 'compelling' Liara found her. She checked the message on her omnitool again. It was from a certain Nassana Dantius suggesting a meeting on the Citadel. She didn't state the nature of the mission, just saying that she would be waiting at the embassies to give her further information.

Shepard slowly finished eating and decided to head to the cockpit to ask Joker what their ETA was and maybe chat a bit. He was Kaidan's friend after all. Maybe he knew something about Kaidan's past yet, too.

To her surprise Joker was not alone in the helm. Alenko was there as well, working. His raspy voice reached her ears and sent shivers of delight down her spine. Apparently they had been talking but had finished now since both returned their attention to their workstations. Nick's curiosity just about killed her. She ached to know what or who they had talked about. Neither man heard her approach and they nearly jumped when she spoke.

"Lieutenants, is everything alright up here?"

"Geez, Commander!" Joker complained. "What is with you and sneaking up on people? You'll give me a heart attack some day."

"I didn't sneak up on you. I just walk quietly. Blame it on infiltrator training if you want. Fact is, you were both just obviously lost in thought." she glanced over at Kaidan. "I'm surprised to see you working up here, Lieutenant. I had expected you to be at the control panel on the crew deck." _So I could talk to you_, she added silently. Before he could answer she looked back at Joker. "Anyway, I just wanted to know how long until we reach the Citadel."

"About sixteen hours, Commander." came the reply.

"Thank you. That'd be all." she turned and left. Kaidan kept his eyes glued to the terminal in front of him. He wasn't going to look after her. He had heard a slight reprimand in her voice and now he wondered if Joker had heard it as well. When he turned his head he saw Joker was looking after her and he felt a surge of envy run through him. Kaidan closed his eyes in annoyance at himself.

_She. Is. Your. Commander. Nothing more, Alenko!_

"The Commander seems kinda pissed, don't you think?" Joker asked suddenly. "And it almost sounded like she was looking for you."

"Yeah." Kaidan replied curtly. He shot a glance at the time stamp on the console. One more hour, then he was off duty.

"Whoa, what's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Joker sat back, eying him suspiciously.

"Nothing." Kaidan answered. His friend gave him a knowing look but didn't press the matter for which Kaidan was extremely grateful. It seemed that for now he wasn't going to make any comments about Kaidan's feelings for their commanding officer.

* * *

><p>Kaidan woke up around one in the morning with a foul taste in his mouth. Apparently his brain had still been bent on traveling down memory lane and it had taken him back to BAaT. He shivered as he got out of his sleeper pod, thinking about the dream. He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for a while. He hadn't dreamed of Rahna for quite a while and he wasn't sure why he had done so tonight.<p>

For one thing he couldn't picture her face, no matter how hard he tried. In his dream she had had her back turned to him the whole time even though he had begged her to turn around. All she did was whisper _You killed him!_ But she never turned to face him. Instead of Rahna's face with her coppery skin and soft dark brown eyes the face that came to his mind was pale with freckles dusted across to nose and a pair of intense blue-gray eyes. The thought alone made his heart rate quicken.

After pulling on his sweats he went to the galley to fix himself a sandwich. The next thing he knew was that he was fixing a pot of coffee and some hot chocolate. He stared down at the cocoa. Why had he made that? Shepard was sleeping peacefully in her cabin, it wasn't as if she was suddenly going to show up again and drink a coffee with hot chocolate with him, was it? Even if it had happened twice in the past week. Nevertheless his hands worked on their on accord as they pulled Shepard's mug out of the cabinet and filled it with coffee and hot chocolate. Taking it and his own mug he went to the mess table to sit down. _Wishful thinking, Alenko._

Kaidan opened his omnitool and began flicking through the pictures he had on there. There were pictures from home. His parents, his sister Erin, even one with his brother Daniel. There were a few from his time at BAaT, including one of him together with Rahna. He had always thought her to be beautiful and usually looking at that picture brought a feeling of loss and regret. This time as he gazed at it he felt neither. She was pretty, yes, but no more than that.

Suddenly, he remembered what he had told Shepard after she had asked him if he had any intentions concerning Liara. _I prefer adventurous women_. Rahna definitely didn't fit that description, at least not back at BAaT. No, Kaidan realized, whatever he had once felt for Rahna it had been replaced by something else. Rahna would have never accepted a deeper relationship with an Alliance soldier. She despised violence and she was no friend of the military. And here he was, proud to be an officer in the Alliance Navy. They would have never worked out in the long run.

Then a different idea struck his mind. What if the scuttlebutt was right and there was something between Liara and the commander? Maybe she was interested in _his_ intentions because _she_ had intentions towards Liara. He frowned at the thought as he stared at the picture on his omnitool.

He was so lost in his contemplations that he didn't hear the swish of Shepard's cabin door or notice her slowly walk over to the table.

* * *

><p><em>Screaming, dying. That was all she heard as she ran from cover to cover, trying to line up a shot at the monster that killed her team mates. The air was acrid with the stench of maw acid mingling with the sickening sweetish smell of rotting flesh and vomit. It assailed her senses and she felt herself gag. Suddenly there was not only a thresher maw but shiploads of batarians landing all around her. <em>

This was not right! There weren't supposed to be any batarians in this dream!

But the dream continued. _She looked frantically around as the scenario changed and Akuze faded away, noticing a group of civilians behind her. She grabbed an assault rifle and as much ammo as she could carry and ushered them into a nearby shelter. Then she ran into cover again. It was perfect. She had high ground and an almost unrestricted view of the plaza in front of her. _

_Laying the assault rifle next to her she quickly assembled her sniper rifle. One of the civilians left the shelter and she tried telling him to hide again but no sound came out of her mouth. Then the batarians spotted him and she could only try shooting as many of them as possible. Her ammunition stack got smaller and smaller. _

"_The Alliance will be here soon, the Alliance will be here soon." she kept repeating in her mind. But it was not the Alliance that showed up next, it was the Saren's ship from Eden Prime. And the scene changed again. There were geth and husks and the worst thing was seeing her squad mates lying dead on the ground, scattered around a pair of dragon teeth. And on those dragon teeth Ash and Kaidan were impaled. Ash and Kaidan..._

Shepard woke with a start, breathing hard as she sat up in her bed. She had nightmares every once in a while but never had her dreams about Akuze and the Blitz mingled. And Saren and the geth being there was also new. She glanced at her bedside clock. 0120. She shivered as she realized she was covered in cold sweat, her N7 tank top drenched. She quickly got up and took it off pulling a clean shirt out of her dresser.

Suddenly she stopped and took a deep breath. What was that smell? Fresh coffee? Cocoa? There was only one person who would start brewing a fresh coffee now. She put on the clean tank top and her sweats and stepped out of her cabin, her gaze instantly drawn to the mess table. Sure enough, Kaidan was sitting at the table, two mugs in front him. One of them was hers. She smiled despite the nightmare. _I wonder what made him fix the cocoa and prepare my mug?_

She saw him flicking through something on his omnitool, hesitating especially long at one time. She slowly walked over and as she got closer she could tell he was looking at pictures. Shepard stopped moving forward again, just looking at him. He still hadn't noticed her. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and she watched him run one finger across a picture. He frowned at some thought and suddenly he became aware of her. He turned his head to look at her.

"Shepard." he kept his voice low, his eyes widening in surprise as he looked up at her. She looks pale, he thought. Even paler than usual.

"You look surprised, Lieutenant. Funny, considering you have my mug standing there on the table filled with cocoa. And I am sure you didn't make that for yourself." she said teasingly.

"Uh, yeah." he blushed, "That was just a hunch."

She sat down in her usual seat, tucking one leg under her and pulling the other leg up towards her body. It must be one of favorite ways to sit, Kaidan thought.

"Good hunch. Now, why are you up? Late-night snack again?" she pointed at his empty plate with her chin.

"That was just comfort food, so to speak." he answered.

She just raised her eyebrows at that statement. "What for?"

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "I had a dream that was kind of disturbing. Nothing serious. And since I was awake I decided to grab a bite." Saying it out loud made him feel rather embarrassed. Shepard would probably think he was a pansy because he couldn't go back to sleep after a dream.

"Huh, you too? And I thought I was the only one with nightmares here." Shepard replied. _Wait, what? _Kaidan thought, _she was awake because of a nightmare as well? _Maybe he didn't have to be embarrassed after all. Then she asked, "What was it about?"

Kaidan took his mug and turned it in his hands. _You can tell her, _a small voice said. He looked up again and saw her look at him intently. "BAaT. And yours?"

"First Akuze, then Elysium and finally Eden Prime."

"Whoa. That makes my dream seem trifling." Now Kaidan felt embarrassed again. He couldn't imagine how it was for her to relive Akuze and then the Blitz and Eden Prime with that damn beacon in her dreams all in one night. _And I just dream about a girl I fancied not talking to me anymore. You're pathetic, Alenko._

Shepard sensed her chance to ask him about BAaT. "Tell me about BAaT."

Kaidan gave a short start. "'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training' didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in it was Brain Camp. Sorry, 'hauled in' is unkind. We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities so an understanding of biotics could be compiled.'" Shepard could practically hear the air-quotes. _He sounds bitter_. Kaidan continued in a level tone, "You know, you come home one day after school and there are these guys in suits waiting for you at your front door and the next thing you know is you're out on Jump Zero."

"Jump Zero, that's Gagarin Station, right? What's it like?"

"That's the official name. Largest and furthest station we had for decades, right on the termination shock, the outer edge of the solar system. It's where they did all the goose-chase FTL research before we caught on to using mass effect fields. The grand 'Gateway to Humanity' looks a lot better in the vids. It was a sterile research platform when I was there."

Shepard frowned slightly. She had spent most of her childhood on Alliance vessels and space stations, only spending vacation on Earth. For Kaidan it was exactly the opposite. He had spent his childhood on Earth with his parents and siblings. He had been used to playing outdoors after school, not the artificial environment of a space station with its filtered air. Of course it would have seemed sterile to him.

"But you weren't alone, were you? I mean, there were other kids in the same boat, right?" she inquired.

"That's true." Kaidan admitted. "We did have a small circle that would get together every night before lights out. Play cards, talk, stuff like that. There was not much more to do, though. Conatix must've thought we might leak research data so they kept us off the extranet."

Shepard thought of her time at the Alliance Boarding School on Arcturus she had gone to as she drank some of her hot cocoa. They hadn't been kept off the extranet and there were plenty of extracurricular activities but… they had been teenagers and sometimes things had gotten _physical_.

"You were all teenagers. I'm sure you found more physical ways to occupy the time than just playing cards." she remarked, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't do that kind of thing lightly, Commander. There was a girl I spent a lot of time with but we kept our clothes on, you know. Rahna. She was smart and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you." Kaidan hesitated a fraction of a second before adding, "Commander."

Shepard hated her already, feeling jealous of an unknown woman because the lieutenant thought she was beautiful. Then her brain caught up with her ears. _He said_ Beautiful, like you. _Maybe he thinks I'm beautiful, too_. Shepard cleared her throat.

"Ah, sounds like she was special to you." _Say no_, she implored him silently, but no such luck.

"She was. And maybe she felt the same." Kaidan shrugged. "But things never fell together. Training, you know." _I hate her, I hate her,_ Shepard repeated in her mind. She felt her masochistic streak awake in her, wanting her to inquire more about this Rahna.

"What did you learn there?" she asked instead.

"To use our abilities." Kaidan said simply. "It takes a lot of practice to be able to manipulate dark energy by creating mass effect fields. First of all you have to learn to control the eezo nodules in your body to create said mass effect fields. Forget teaching the kids to move stuff, hell, in the beginning they had enough trouble making sure some kids didn't break their own limbs." his gaze became unfocused.

"Where did they find teachers? Did they ask the asari?" Shepard wondered.

"Ha! That would've been something..." Kaidan laughed shortly before becoming serious again. "No, the company didn't go through the Council. The Alliance was afraid it would make Earth look weak. Truth be told, the Alliance really screwed the pooch there. They should've kept a closer eye on what Conatix did. Eventually progress was not, well, progressing quick enough, so the company brought in 'experts'. No asari, unfortunately."

"Why? What did they do?"

"They secretly hired turian mercenaries."

Nick thought she must have misunderstood. "Turian mercenaries? Why not the asari? They are natural biotics after all, they would have made more sense. And why secretly?"

"Yeah, well, the company didn't want to admit to the public they were hiring turian mercenaries so shortly after the First Contact War. And I can assure you it was not a good choice. Sure, we learned to control our abilities but at what cost?" He fell silent, a quick spasm of pain fleeting over his face. "The turian they brought in to teach us, Commander Vyrnnus, was a veteran of the war. He had no love for humans and he made sure we knew it. To introduce himself he liked to say 'I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father'. His methods were...brutal." His voice fell to a mere whisper at the last word.

"What did he do?" her voice echoed his as she whispered the question in return.

"He used hunger and thirst as training aids. He would keep us training so long that we would miss meal times and tell us that if we wanted to go eat we would have to work harder. Said it would give us a proper incentive. And if he had it in for you he would taunt you by tormenting your friends." he took a swallow of his coffee and looked at her and she could see anger in his eyes. Not directed at her, but at the memories she had made him recall. "Commander, could we talk about something else?"

"Yes, of course, Kaidan. I am sorry." she felt like kicking herself. She just had to keep on prodding, didn't she?

"It's okay, Commander." he gave her a quick smile. "I take it we'll be at the Citadel by 1000?" His voice sounded casual as he changed the subject, but she could tell he still felt uncomfortable.

"Unless the Brass comes up with something really important and redirects us, yes. Once we're at the station we'll inform Admiral Kahoku about the missing marines. I want you and Ashley to accompany me there. Then we'll restock some things and I'll take Garrus and the others to the Spectre Requisitions Office so they can get those new toys I promised them. I hope to be done with everything by 1800 so we can get on our way to Feros." She glanced into her empty mug. "Now I think I'll try getting a few hours of shut-eye yet. Thank you for the talk, Kaidan."

"Anytime, Shepard. Good night."


End file.
